Written by: Cindy Stibbard, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When I found myself navigating the divorce process in my early 40s, I was embarrassed, shocked and terrified to discover how little I truly knew about the legal implications of marriage and what the divorce process actually entailed. And now, as a Certified Divorce and Relationship Decision Coach, I am not only passionate about informing, educating, and empowering others through what can be a very daunting process but also about debunking myths, erasing the stigma and shattering the too commonly held misconceptions surrounding the topic of divorce.
Let’s focus on the 1 leading misconception:
If you work with a Divorce Coach, it means you are getting a divorce.
Not at all.
I’ll get one thing straight right off the bat. As a Certified Divorce & Relationship Decision Coach, I am in no way “pro-divorce.” Just because divorce was the right decision for me, does NOT mean it is the right decision for everyone. Mine was actually years in the making, but this is not always the case for others. And in fact, for some divorce may be the wrong decision. What I am though are pro-happiness, pro-empowerment, pro-mental and emotional health, pro-family and pro-wellbeing. Whether that means staying married or getting separated, I not only have first-hand experience with how it feels emotionally and how it works systematically, but I also have the tools, education, expertise and professional network to guide others in making decisions they are comfortable with ‒ decisions that are right for their family ‒ and support them along the way so it can happen as smoothly, as rationally and as cost-effectively as possible.
Divorce is a big deal.
The dissolution of a marriage is a big deal, and it is not something that one should enter lightly. You have built a life with someone, created a home and perhaps are still raising children together; therefore; the decision, as well as the process, deserves to be handled with care, maturity and thoughtful consideration. Unfortunately, and understandably, it often doesn't happen that way when hurt, anger, resentment and shame get in the way. And a lot of it also comes down to the fear of the unknown. We hate not knowing.
As a Coach, I work with many individuals who are just considering the idea of separation but who are very intimidated by the process and paralyzed by the uncertainty of what’s ahead. All of us know that it is next to impossible to make rational, logical and even smart decisions from a place of fear. Most times if we are in a place of fear and uncertainty, we won’t make a decision at all. I work with many individuals at this stage who have been unhappy and unfulfilled in their relationship for quite some time and are only contemplating the idea of separation. These individuals are wise enough to realize that they need to know more before they are able to make such a big life decision.
Working with a Coach is the best investment you could make in divorce.
Working with a Divorce & Relationship Decision Coach at this stage is the smartest investment you could make for yourself and your family and it will almost always set you up for a better outcome; whether you choose the path of divorce or not.
There have been many individuals who leave me (no pun intended) and decide to give their marriage another shot. As a Divorce Coach, I am entirely an advocate of healthy relationships, whether a couple chooses to separate or try to stay together, and the relationship training I have done also enables me to provide new insights into options for couples who are on the verge by equipping them with some research-based tools to help them communicate better, express their needs and better manage conflict. It is critical that everyone understands their relationship and their contributions to the issues fully before any decision is made.
At the end of the day, you know the famous Maya Angelou quote, “When we know better, we do better” – this is exactly the focus and purpose of what I do.
Are you considering separation or in the process and feeling overwhelmed and afraid of what this means for your future and that of your children? Book a FREE confidential Discovery Call here.
And let’s chat about how I can help.
Cindy Stibbard, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Cindy Stibbard is the driven and compassionate entrepreneur and CEO behind Divorce ReDefined, her Vancouver-based separation and divorce coaching practice. Divorce can be a messy, stressful and particularly raw experience and few truly understand the process, know their options or how to most effectively cope with and manage this major life transition. After going through her own high-conflict divorce, this passionate and determined mother of two, became inspired to help others successfully navigate this difficult time in their lives.
