Written by: Trea Tijmens, Senior Level Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Dating as an expat, especially if you want to find someone for a committed relationship, is hard. You may think that with the world having become a “smaller” place and increased international mobility, the pool of potentials becomes much wider and dating should be easier, the reality is that dating as an expat can be very challenging! Learn what mistakes to avoid, and how to increase your chances of meeting someone great.
Dating As an Expat Is Different
Back in the day, even in our parents’ generation, people may have had it easier. They were born and raised in one town and often married their teenage years sweetheart. Someone that they or their family and friends knew from church, sports, social activities or their network.
Dating as an expat is different. You move countries or settle in a location far away from your support network of family and friends. It's an exciting journey but it makes meeting new people more complicated.
When you're just starting out, most people focus on their new position and settling in at work. Often the only new people you meet are your work colleagues and the office is not exactly the best place for flirting.
Building a personal network takes time and it's not unusual to make friends with people who are already married or paired up. This leaves you in an awkward situation of being the only single invited to a dinner party over the weekend...
Here's a tip for dating as an expat:
Try a dating app! No, it's not just for young people. Apps are full of singles looking for love. Think if it as an efficient investment of your time:
How many networking events or outings can you realistically go to in a week? And how many interesting, single people of the opposite sex can you realistically approach and talk to with the aim of a date? When done right, dating on an app can definitely get you more potentially suitable candidates.
Don't Focus Only On Your Job
Emily moved to Switzerland from Hungary 13 years ago. She got a research opportunity in her field and grabbed it. She gave it her all and through the years, she managed to build an expert position and was hired by a big company.
In the meantime, she got divorced and remained single for years. When she came to me for a consultation, she told me she hadn't dated in a very long time. She had invested all her time and energy in her career. When I asked her about her network, she admitted that she doesn't have many friends here who could potentially introduce her to someone.
After a few months of coaching, she became savvy in using dating apps and met a nice Swiss man. They are engaged and planning a wedding.
The number one mistake I see expats make when they arrive in a new country is focusing only on their jobs. Don't sacrifice your personal happiness in the name of your career! It's never too late to join a local hiking group or association. Start making friends and let them know you're open to meet interesting singles.
Let Them Know You’re Here to Stay
I work with many expats in Switzerland looking for love and the challenge I see is that other singles are afraid to “invest” in a relationship with a foreigner (expat), worrying they will leave the country after their contract ends.
If you’re settled in your chosen country, or if you know that for the right person you are ready to settle for good, make sure to give that information early on. During a date you can say that you chose that place as your destination. Even in your dating app profile, you can mention that you’re originally from, say, Argentina, but you chose, for instance, France to be your home.
Manage Cultural Assumptions
When I first moved to Switzerland everyone told me that the Swiss only make friends with other Swiss people. My single clients said the same thing – I don’t think a Swiss guy would want to date an American. They all want to speak their local language!
As someone who has lived in many countries, I ignored those warnings and soon enough I was making Swiss friends. And many of my matchmaking and coaching clients are in relationships with Swiss men and women.
Don’t let cultural myths stop you on your way to happiness. Focus on similarities more than on differences and keep an open mind. Chances are that your special someone comes from a different country.
Don’t Put Your Love Life on Hold
Whether you’re a first-time expat or a seasoned world traveller who has lived in many locations, don’t pause your dating efforts even if you’re not sure how your life’s path and professional career will evolve.
Continue to date and meet new people, and if you meet your match, your perspective will change. After all, isn’t it more important who we’re spending our life with, than where?
If you feel stuck or lost and unsure about dating as an expat, I am here to help! I have been an international matchmaker and dating coach for almost 18 years and bring with me my own, vast experience in expat life. Sign up for a free consultation and learn how I can support you in navigating your partner search in a foreign country.
Trea Tijmens, Senior Level Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Trea Tijmens, the CEO of www.successmatch.ch, is an international elite matchmaker and award-winning dating expert and coach.
Trea believes that to love and be loved is a basic human need and that people do not thrive without love.
A former head-hunter, she founded SuccessMatch in 2005. Based in Switzerland, she works with local and international clientele and prides herself on her high success rate.
Trea is passionate about helping her highly international single professional clientele transition from where they are today to where they want to be; in a happy, fulfilling, lasting relationship with the right partner!
