Written by: Krystal Matocha, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I’m regularly reminded of my humanness. A few months ago I had the perfect opportunity to revisit some old lingering limitations. It was sparked when I saw a colleague accomplish something amazing. Part of me was happy for her. Another part felt sad for me. I didn’t want to feel that way, yet there I was. You can probably remember a similar time for yourself. All of it was to the dismay of my wiser rational self. I can recognize these inner reactions by name. Yet I still wondered if they can do it, why can’t I? Before I knew it, the thought had grown, like a seedling that suddenly sprung in my garden.
Weeds left undisturbed and unnoticed can soon overtake an entire garden. Pulling weeds is honest hard work and the more you let them grow, the harder you have to work. They have the potential to knock a person out of commission for at least a day. It depends on how much you’re willing to entertain the thoughts and what you’re processing within.
Limiting Thoughts Can Suddenly Reappear
Tending the inner garden is easier when you pull the weeds out by the roots. Hypnosis is my preferred tool, but sometimes they still happen and I’ve since learned to welcome them. The truth is, tending to one’s garden requires consistent daily attention. The moment you think the garden is completely under your control is the moment you are reminded of its wild nature.
Years ago, a weed thought would have overrun my garden sprawling into, “What’s wrong with me?” Why is it so hard for me and so easy for everyone else? What am I doing wrong? What’s wrong with me (again)?! And I would feel wrong, ashamed, and embarrassed. These are the thoughts that caused me to feel secretly broken inside while simultaneously creating more of what I wished I didn’t have. The equivalent of rolling in the dirt all day long, hating every moment of it, without doing any real work.
Have you ever noticed that as a person matures the sh*tty internal thoughts get sneakier? They hide beneath the soil, veiling themselves in the guise of helpfulness while contaminating your food. They are not loud or in-your-face. They are rather quiet, camouflaged, and soft. So soft it would be easy to step in, left unchecked while going about your day.
Limiting Thoughts Can Quickly Grow
Remember how the first thought was, “If they can do it, why can’t I?” It happened so fast that I almost didn’t notice I had stepped in it. It would have been awful to track that throughout my home. That’s why I keep a watchful eye on my inner dialogue. I know the softest voice can have a stand-out impact on my world and that was it. That soft little voice asking, why can’t I?
It almost seemed helpful. Since it went by so fast, so soft, unnoticed, and unchecked, it led to another thought and another thought and in the blink of an eye, I was questioning the last 2 years of my life. Had my thoughts looked the way they used to I would have been questioning the last 30 years of my life.
Reflect on that with me for a moment.
A single thought can spiral into questioning your entire existence.
If they can do it, why can’t I?
Seemingly innocent flawed questions like this one create openings for disempowerment.
Am I on the right path? Is there something unlikable or offputting about me? Is there something they know that I don’t know? Am I not cut out for this? How long was the weed there before I saw it?
It started by questioning a single external achievement in comparison to others. Just one. That question led to questioning a focus of passion. Then that question led to questioning what makes me unique in the world. Then that question led to questioning what I know about myself and what I’ve learned about the world. Then that question led to questioning my value.
If you question your value, you are questioning the worth of your existence in the world. You may wonder whether your existence matters at all. You can see where it goes from there a really sad picture and a very painful feeling. Depending on how deep you roll in the dirt and what’s in that dirt, the picture can get worse.
It all began with a single thought.
So Be OK With Not Being OK
Often as leaders, we understand our role is to set a positive example for others. There’s some pressure to have ourselves all together all the time. We think we have to make the right comments and take the perfect actions. We believe we have to look a certain way and project a particular image. If we get something brown on our face, another may be quick to point it out in disgust. The irony is that no matter who we are, we must get dirty if we wish to have a thriving garden and it begins with a single thought.
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Dirty Thoughts: Confessions and perceptions of the imperfect and flawed thinking patterns from leaders, entrepreneurs, CEOs, and the like. (How they work through it and you can too because failure is not the 4 letter word you think.
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Krystal Matocha, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
As a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Krystal Matocha does more than help you mend your mindset. After struggling with disordered eating, boundary issues, anxiety, poor body image, and overall dissatisfaction with life, Krystal learned to connect with her subconscious mind for guidance and healing. Since then, she has committed herself to help you discover the most effective, efficient, and empowering methods for emotional and behavioral change. Krystal is the Founder of The Whole Measure, a holistic wellness center providing online hypnotherapy sessions to men and women across the U.S. Her mission is to make a change so simple you wonder why you couldn’t do it before.
