Written by: Ethel Hagonka Daka, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
“Happily, ever after?” When searching for a life partner, it seems as though we are searching for happiness. The wedding day makes it even more delusional, it’s a happy day and everyone seems to be having their best moments. Parents and guardians dance and sing songs of joy. I would testify that I have never felt sad in a wedding environment, it’s all smiles. It is no wonder individuals may feel and think that marriage brings happiness.
Your marriage cannot make you happy. However, you can make your marriage a happy one. If marriage could make people happy then I bet the happiest people would be the married ones. It is a public secret that there are married people that are so happy as well as those that are so miserable.
Ever thought of ways to have joy, excitement, and peace in your marriage? Well, I have never heard any spouse declare that they hated the happiness in their marriage, however, many have mentioned that they hated the sadness and misery. It seems every couple longs for happiness. Let’s pick a few tips for happiness creation that can transform your marriage for the greater good.
Gratitude: Happiness does not depend on what we have, but on how we feel towards what we have. Being grateful entails that you count more of your blessings, goodness, achievements, and progress than you count your failures and shortcomings. It means seeing the good in you, seeing the good in your spouse, and seeing the good in your marriage more than you see the bad in them. There are things you can do without in your marriage & still be happy, however, gratitude is not one of them.
Being grateful to your spouse & your marriage is not a weakness, it doesn't mean that you do not deserve your spouse or your marriage. It doesn't mean that you are not entitled to certain things & actions or activities in your marriage.
Marriage is not a contest of who does what, when & how. If you look at marriage in that view, then you may never be grateful no matter what your spouse or your marriage will offer you.
Unfortunately, an ungrateful mind is a mind manufacturing sadness. If you need a fulfilling marriage, then practice gratitude. Begin to be grateful even when your spouse picks up a spoon from the floor, not because it's not their job but because your understanding/thoughts matched their behavior.
Work Together: Have you ever thought that you will need to create time in your marriage to be together for you to be happy? Well, the sad news is that maybe that time will never come. However, the good news is that you do not necessarily need to look for that time anyway. Every moment is an opportunity to create happiness in your marriage. Try working on something as a team, grow a garden, make linen, or whatever your daily lives may look like, do it together.
There is a fulfillment that comes with having achieved something. When you achieve something together as a team, you will celebrate together without one person feeling left out. Being and feeling part of achievements brings joy to the soul. Next time your spouse is doing something, instead of waiting for them to get done so that you can a have moment together, just join them.
Connect: Make it a goal to be close to your spouse and be comfortable, understand one another without fear, and with respect. More often when the issue of connecting with your spouse comes to mind, we tend to only imagine it in terms of a romantic dinner or night out, or a romantic Vacation. But the truth is, these are once in a while activities & personal connection in marriage is a daily need. Remember that if you are not growing closer then you are growing apart.
Instead of waiting for dinners, nights out, or vacations, make a deliberate intention to connect on daily activities, do things together, do some shopping, work on projects together, and be there when your spouse needs a hand even if it is just passing them a hummer or a spoon. The whole idea is to keep growing closer every day that goes by. Studies have shown that couples who feel connected are happier and more satisfied.
Stop Thinking of Problem Solving: Many are times when couples or individuals think that they can only attain happiness if they can solve their problems. Problems will always be there as long as you live, quit thinking that your problems are holding your happiness. Nothing can hold back your happiness except you.
Whether you can solve your problems or not, decide to be happy even as you look for solutions to everyday life. Happiness indeed grows in direct proportion to acceptance, and inverse proportion to expectations. The more you expect to do things before you can be happy, the more unhappiness heads in your direction. You may never get to a point where everything is in line with your pursuit of happiness.
Belief: The Bible in Mark 9:23 Tells us that, all things are possible to him who believes. This should probably be the first thing to do, belief. When you believe, your thoughts and behavior are tuned towards achieving that which you desire.
Think about what a happy marriage means to you. Think through it, your definition of a happy marriage will influence every other significant decision you make about your marriage. When you believe in your marriage, in your spouse, and yourself, you attain fulfillment of greatness. The thought of what you can do with your marriage and your spouse gives you inner joy and peace.
Be Love Smart, Be Marriage Smart
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Ethel Hagonka Daka, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ethel Hagonka Daka is a marriage coach, Writer, and founder of Vinthel marriage solutions. Ethel is driven by her passion, mission and vision to see better marriages and fulfilled spouses.
She is dedicated to helping couples be drivers of their own marriages other than them being passengers.
Through coaching and writing, Ethel helps spouses and couples to master their marriages so as to experience fulfilment even as they journey in the art of love and commitment towards one another.
She is a stronger believer that marriage is beautiful, can be made better and enjoyable provided that spouses apply the necessary ingredients.
