You've decided to try the dating apps one more time. Maybe, you'll find someone somewhat compatible. Then suddenly it's a match! You seem to connect right away. The first date went swimmingly. You don't need to wait hours for a reply like the usual suspects. The second date was even better. Before you even know it. You're in a fully fledged relationship.
They lavish you with endless compliments, affection and extravagant gifts. You silently say to yourself, finally, I found the one!
But have you?
It's a whirlwind, and you start glowing. You've been swept off your feet. As some time passes, the reply texts get more and more distant. That admiration they showered you with feels a little cooler. Your glow starts wearing off. You keep checking your phone. Maybe they're busy? Perhaps, they have some personal emergency?
You reassure yourself that there's some kind of explanation. There has to be! They told you how much they loved you so early on. They said that they've never met someone as special as you.
You confide to a friend about this niggling feeling of anxiety that you can’t shake off. Then you hear two words you've never heard before. Do you think they love bombed you?
What is love bombing?
Love bombing is a term used to describe a tactic employed by people who use manipulative gestures of affection, attention, and idealization to gain control or gain influence over their partner. While it may initially feel exciting, love bombing can lead to emotional turmoil and unhealthy relationship dynamics. Understanding the traits of love bombers, the psychology behind their behaviour, and recognising the warning signs can help individuals protect themselves.
Certain personality traits and circumstances can make someone more susceptible to love bombing. These include:
Low self-esteem: People who have low views of themselves might gravitate to the excessive validation a love bomber offers, believing it is an expression of real love.
Loneliness or Break-Up: If someone is feeling emotionally weak from being lonely or has just ended a recent relationship, this person will be most likely to fall under the love bomber charm.
Intense connections: For those of us who crave that deep passionate love, there will be an inclination to overlook signs surrounding manipulative behaviour.
Inexperience In Relationships. Sometimes, people are not able to see the few signs of toxic relationships because they have less experience with toxicity.
Hopeless romantic? If you’ve expressed certain expressions or quotes on your dating profile, like – I love, love! You will catch the eye of potential love bombers to use some Hollywood movie lines to hook you.
Unmasking the typical love bomber
Understanding the attributes of a love bomber can reduce their likelihood during the dating phase. Key traits include:
Two-faced behaviour: while they praise their prey with affection and adoration expressing excessive flattery/intense compliments, later becomes over critical of everything you do. It seems you can’t do anything right!
Quick progression: Love bombers quickly try to make the relationship advance, including love statements and future plans right off the bat.
Overcommunication:— they relentlessly pursue their targeted individuals through incessant messaging, phone calls, and contact on social media, which starts to become burdensome.
Jealousy and control: As their behaviour solidifies them as a dominant force in the relationship, they may show jealousy or possessiveness.
Gaslighting: Love bombers also lie or project blame, so the partner starts doubting their own thoughts and feelings.
Why do they even bother? – Unpacking the psychology behind the love bomber
There are many motivations for love bombing that stem less from the target of their affection and more from underlying psychological issues.
Narcissism: Many love bombers appear narcissistic and enjoy being the centre of devotion. They are then less about selfish behaviour, designed to cater for their emotional needs. They may see this like a sport and once the novelty wears off, they will begin the devaluation and discard technique.
Fear of abandonment: Sometimes people love bombs as a way to control the relationship because they are scared that if they don't act like this, their partner will leave them. In extreme cases, they might also try to cling to a partner by lavishing them with exceptional amounts of care. This is particularly evident in people with anxious attachment styles.
Insecurity: Individuals who feel insecure may use love bombing as a way to gain validation and reassurance from their partner, seeking to fill a void in their own self-esteem.
Do you suspect you might be dating a love bomber? Here’s what you can do
Firstly, establish boundaries: Communication is key and so ensure the lines of communication are clear. Keep the relationship at arm's length until you are sure that there is no emotional manipulation going on.
Do not rush: Avoid the temptation of jumping to deep commitments. Let the relationship develop more slowly in order to test whether their affection for you is real or just part of a nefarious plan.
Find support: Confide in trusted family members and friends about what you are experiencing. They have different experiences and may notice red flags that you do not.
This is an extension of the previous point: listen to your intuition — if something does not feel right, it most likely isn't. Notice what causes your emotional reactions and realize that they might be related to manipulation.
Educate yourself: Understand the difference between healthy relationships and toxicity. Recognizing the signs of love bombing empowers you to make more informed choices for your well-being.
Seek help from a mental health professional or relationship coach. Let them know you are suddenly feeling overwhelmed or confused with how to sort out your emotions.
The initial thrill of romantic gestures and feelings associated with love bombing can quickly spiral into a toxic cycle of manipulation. By recognizing the signs of love bombing, identifying your vulnerabilities, and learning how to respond, you can protect yourself from significant heartache and cultivate healthier relationship patterns.
Remember, love respects patience and understanding without any pressure or manipulative behaviour.
Sharee Shefket, Special Guest Writer and Executive Contributor
Sharee is a remarkable leader in the mental health field, boasting over 20 years of extensive experience as a counsellor, hypnotherapist, successful entrepreneur, international best-selling author. She is not just a professional; she’s a catalyst for change, dedicated to helping individuals discover their purpose and live their most fulfilling lives.
