Written by: Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Parent/carers are among the foremost vital people within the lives of young children; this is because they have a crucial never-ending role in child development. Psychologists have long understood that an individual’s early childhood experiences impact their actions and behaviours as adults. For example, young children learn by copying – they mostly look to their parents or carers for information on interpreting various situations. So what a parent or carer says and does in front of children matters greatly.
Some common mistakes when parenting
Parents or carers, especially those dealing with their own issues, may unknowingly transfer negative thought patterns to their children. Over time, children grow up to find that they too have developed familiar behaviour patterns of their parent or carer. These are known as transgenerational patterns. These patterns of behaviour transfer across generations within family groups. So how does one break the negative patterns of behaviour and become more aware of their parenting and caring skills? Through conscious parenting. Conscious parenting is being mindful of when that happens and realigning their behaviour to accommodate their children.
What is conscious parenting?
Consciousness is self-awareness – awareness of individual thoughts, memories, feelings, vibes, and surroundings. The basis of conscious parenting is the belief that you have to have clear boundaries and understanding to be a better parent or carer. In addition, you have to have deep empathy. Therefore, you have to be willing to analyse your current belief system and go on an expedition of self-development.
Conscious parents or carers let go of their pre-constructed beliefs allowing their children to become their true selves. They do not transfer their expectations and pain onto their children. Instead, they know how their words, thoughts, and actions are moulding their children. They are aware of how it can impact their children if they are offloading or projecting their own insecurities on the child.
Benefits of conscious parenting
Conscious parenting is beneficial for childcare and living a serene life. It promotes trust and better communication between parents or carers and children. Also, it improves the parent’s mental and physical health and enhances the child’s cognitive, social, and problem-solving skills.
Conscious parenting helps children develop a mindset to handle adverse situations well. They learn to accept and overcome failures and not to fear them. These kids practice discipline by understanding its importance without fear of punishment. In addition, children learn to use more respectful language and positive relationship skills in other areas of their life.
Tonality
Understanding the need to discipline children is not always bad, but using a harsh tone or even yelling at kids to punish them is. Therefore it is essential to give practical reasons for your actions. Tonality is important. Using abuse, foul language, and shouting is ineffective as they cause more harm than good. The child feels devalued and embarrassed and can develop signs of anxiety and depression. The child feels like an enemy, and the parent-child bond is less appreciative.
The best form of disciplining their child without being too permissive and acting tough is through ‘empathy’. Once again, it is all about treating one the way one would want to be. They are consciously aware of tone and how words can impact their development—using praise, positive and reassuring words, and explaining things in a manner that helps the child understand. A parent or carer is better off teaching the child to have a genuine concern for themselves. To be kind and fair to themselves. Let the child know their worth by demonstrating a voice when warning them about the consequences of their negative actions. Teach self-respect.
Conscious parenting is easy to understand. However, it may not be immediately effective and is difficult to practice in the event of things, but it is the key to learn from past mistakes and practice constantly and very consistently.
Tips to Practice Conscious Parenting
Pay attention to the kind of tone and attitude in which you communicate with your child. Ask yourself – Are you being kind and empathetic or sarcastic and mean? Do you have expectations from your child? Is it appropriate to have such expectations considering the child’s age? Do you manage to remain calm and composed around your kids even when they are not?
We all feel great when we are heard and valued, and so do our children. So encourage your kids to share their perspectives without any hesitations. Use empowering words and a comforting tone and listen to what the child has to say.
Look at your child as an individual with unique strengths, talents and shortcomings. Try not to compare your child to their siblings or with other children. Remembering the most vital part is that you cannot expect your child to be perfect. Do not expect your child to listen to you at all times, and when they behave in such a manner of rudeness, remind them politely of the way they speak to you, does not feel nice, especially when you are making a positive effort with them.
Lead by example for your children. Try to encourage your child to develop healthy habits by first practising them yourself. For instance, if you want your children to speak to everyone with respect, make sure you do so too. Next, include your children and make them feel important by giving them responsibilities. It could be an essential household task depending on their age. The goal is to make them feel capable and self-reliant.
You also need to look within and determine if you have any negative thought patterns or triggers. Then, take care of yourself, practice mindfulness and meditation and learn to manage your stress.
Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Belynder Walia is a leading Psychotherapist, helping people who need a swift, effective solution to a current problem that negatively impacts their lives. She's worked with a wide variety of people, from stay-at-home carers to experts and celebrities in the public eye. Having suffered Perinatal Anxiety, she focused on enabling others to learn, heal and grow from pain. Belynder is the founder of Serene Lifestyles, an online psychotherapy practice at www.serenelifestyles.com. Her ground-breaking methods include a combination of Psychotherapy and Neuroplasticity to help rewire the THREE Brains (the head, the heart, and the gut). She has been featured in many publications, including Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Harpers Bazaar, The Moment, Planet Mindful, Thrive Global, and The London Economic. Belynder is also writing her first non-fiction book, lessons on Anxiety, providing quick fixes to help people radically change their minds so that they can change their life.
