Written by: Marlena O´Donnell, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We live within the limitations of fear. We are afraid of asking for something we want in case we get rejected, we are afraid of taking a bold step towards what we want in case we get hurt or ridiculed.
Let’s take a closer look at fear. It has some practical applications to protect us from physical and emotional harm. It helps curtail recklessness and keeps us safe. It stops us from touching hot stoves and jumping off high cliffs, gives us the warning to run away from wild animals and prevents us from stepping into the road with cars whizzing by. Fear has physical as well as mental symptoms. The knot in your stomach, tightness in your chest, dryness in your mouth, the feeling of panic and severe discomfort. It can paralyse us or make us run fast. It can come and go or be a constant companion.
As an in-built protection mechanism, fear serves its purpose. But it is no longer helpful when it stops us from getting what we want or doing what we want even though it may be safe and advantageous to do so.
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear” –Jack Canfield
When my clients talk to me about the things they would love to do but are afraid of, they tell me that they experience:
Fear of failure (or success!)
Fear of rejection
Fear of judgement/ridicule
Fear of change
Fear of letting yourself or others down
Fear of something bad happening
When I ask them how the fear manifests itself, they describe physical symptoms as well inertia - as if both their mind and body were held prisoner of this big unknown entity. Even the language used to describe fear is the language of captivity - being held back, gripped, tormented, weighted down by fear.
1. You, not fear, is in control of your life
Fear seems concrete and outside of our control. But in reality, we hold the key to the prison of fear. We and only we can decide what we can or cannot do. We decide the boundaries of fear. We decide how far we will go, how far we will push ourselves, what level of failure or ridicule we are prepared to accept. We conjure up all the possible disaster scenarios and believe that they are real, that they are likely to happen. Fear is a feeling. Behind a feeling is a thought or thoughts. They are the flip side of the same coin. Fear has no physical form, it exists only in our mind. We do not know what is going to happen. Our experience of life is created by our thoughts and they are not reliable fortune tellers.
Instead of creating self-imposed boundaries of “comfort zone”, accept that life offers limitless possibilities and even your vivid imagination cannot predict them all. Let go of trying to work out what harm you may come to if you pursue your dreams and accept that fear does not know what will happen. It simply has no power over the future. Next time you are gripped by fear, ask yourself: do I really know what is going to happen or is my imagination going wild?
“Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears.” – Rudyard Kipling
2. How you feel is not related to your success
Just as we think that fear knows about the future, we also think that fear knows about us, about who we are and what we are capable of. Fear plays on our insecurities, on our beliefs and experiences. We think that fear knows how weak we are and is protecting us from harm. We think that it is only safe to take action and ensure success when we are not frightened. But how we feel has nothing to do with the outcomes of what we do. Our feelings come and go and do not determine who we are and what we are capable of. One day you wake up happy and the next day you wake up under the weather for no apparent reason.
Staying grounded in the present moment helps with not experiencing fear. Fear grips us as we remember our misfortunes in the past and project them into the future.
Next time you are overcome with fear, take a few deep breaths (e.g. inhale on 4, hold on 6 and exhale on 4), dance around your house to the song you love or rub the tips of your fingers against each other so you feel the ridges on your skin. Focus on what’s around right now, not what may happen in the future.
“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela
3. You can handle all challenges
Our imagination is like an Oscar winning film director. It conjures up vivid images of our future. We imagine a multitude of possible disastrous scenarios. Sometimes we don’t even know what that disastrous outcome will look like, we just “know” that it will be bad. It appears that we are frightened of that “bad” outcome or outcomes, but in fact, we are frightened that we will not be able to cope if this “bad” outcome materialises. However, this is not true. We are built for survival. We handle a multitude of challenges every day, including those very things we are frightened of - rejection, failure, change, unwelcome and unexpected events. We have all it takes to find solutions to problems, survive hardship and rejection, unless we think that we don’t!
When you face a challenge, imagine the worst case scenarios and identify a coping strategy for each of them.
“Think you can, think you can't; either way you'll be right.” - Henry Ford
Do not let fear stop you from dashing your dreams and achieving success. You are capable of much more than fear tells you. Why wait to live your life to the full if you can have what you want now? Let’s have a chat, if you would like to explore how you can be free to do what you want.
Marlena O’Donnell, Executive Contributor, Brainz Magazine Marlena O’Donnell is a certified life coach, mentor, and motivational speaker specializing in freeing her clients from beliefs that are not serving them well. Marlena has successfully helped many people gain an unwavering belief in themselves, confidence, motivation, and courage to go after what they want in life through individual and group coaching, mentoring, and workshops. Marlena has personal experience of overcoming significant challenges in life and succeeding against all odds. This, combined with her thorough understanding of both business matters and personal issues, puts her in a unique position to help her clients successfully navigate their way through difficulties they face in all areas of life and achieve “the unachievable.” As a motivational speaker, Marlena inspires others to make powerful and lasting changes in their life. She has been a keynote speaker at business events, online conferences, and summits.
