Written by: Nikki Bale, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When you think of your team having “conflict,” how do you view it? Is conflict good or bad? Do you welcome it or try to avoid it? Words are funny things. The word, “conflict” means different things to different people depending on the place, tone, and culture. For some, conflict is detrimental and should be avoided at all costs, yet others see conflict in the form of radical candor and debate around ideas and decisions as to the source of their innovation and success.
As a consultant who specializes in leadership team development, I’ve worked with countless teams who have unaddressed conflicts that pile up like old garbage, and witnessed how it got in the way of productive teamwork. Merriam-Webster defines conflict(the verb) as: “to be different, opposed, or contradictory: to fail to be in agreement or accord”. While we know that conflict is a normal part of life, we have failed as a society to categorize it in a neutral, much less a positive way. Think aboutthe saying, “variety is the spice of life,” and then look back at that definition of conflict. Doesn’t having different, contradictory, or even opposed points of view look a lot like variety? If you want your team to show up with their variety of opinions and new ideas, you will need to go on a PR campaign to rebrand how conflict, and your team's relationship with it, is viewed. Effective teams and successful leaders know that conflict is welcomed and encouraged. Conflict provides the variety of thinking needed for innovation, differentiation, good decisions, and all the other things companies are trying to access to find their competitive advantage (and frankly, to make work interesting and meaningful). I am primarily speaking of content-based conflicts, like when your team members disagree about how to launch a new product and not interpersonal conflict, like when two people don’t get along. That being said, when I’m working with teams, I first help them build trust and psychological safety,
which leads to positive changes in the area of interpersonal conflict management as well as providing a solid foundation for conflict in the form of unguarded discussion of issues. In his book, The Advantage, Patrick Lencioni describes a conflict continuum with one extreme end being “mean-spirited personal attacks” and the other end being “artificial harmony”. In order to create a culture where addressing conflict is seen as a normal and necessary part of team development, the team will have to move away from playing nice and trying to establish (or remain in) artificial harmony and get closer to what it looks like to show up at a family dinner. A family with people who have enough trust and love built up to have the sort of open, direct dialogue without anyone easily taking offense. With people who can disagree without being disagreeable. In short, the meetings of a healthy team should look more like a scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding and less like one from Garden State. The thought of having direct, robust dialogue sounds good. But the truth is that a team at work isn’t a family, and doesn’t have the perks (and downsides) of history, deep trust, and tethering love that a family has. No wonder most consider conflict in the work setting to be something we should avoid. But if people aren’t encouraged to speak openly and honestly without fear of retribution, how will you accomplish your big goals, or know that all the best ideas, concerns, and issues have been brought to light? When you allow different and even contradictory views to be heard, not only will it result in better decisions and outcomes but it will increase commitment. If you don’t allow people to weigh in, they’re not going to buy-in. Three tips to increase value-added conflict in your team It’s critical to give conflict some context. Context is everything at work and is the more intentional cousin to culture. If you want to get the most out of your teams, take the time to set the context for how you will effectively engage in known controversial topics as well as everyday disagreements.
1. Define ground rules or norms for team conflict When you are first getting started, collaborate with your team members to understand what their conflict norms are. Allow them to narrow in on what they are uniquely comfortable with when addressing difficult subjects. This will vary wildly depending on your company, national culture, and location. But where I’m from on the West Coast of the United States, it might be boiled down to a shared agreement like this: When we are making an important team decision we will:
Respectfully listen to every team member's opinion.
Refrain from using our body language to express dissent and will instead use polite and direct language to disagree.
Maintain calm and avoid personalizing issues.
Get everything out in the open during the meeting, and not have substantive one-on-one side conversations outside the meetings a. note: if 4 is not followed, back-channel politics and personal attacks will thrive
If you notice that your team members aren’t following through on these agree-on team norms, you may need to do some foundational work in the trust-building department before trying to get them to engage in giving open, honest, and unfiltered thoughts, ideas, and opinions.If someone senses that it isn’t safe to speak up, or they have a historical knowledge that being open, honest, and direct isn’t rewarded, it’s only natural that they won’t enter in again until change occurs. Finally, leaders always go last. If you want unfiltered information from your team this is imperative!
2. Acknowledge that conflict is productive and we welcome it
The next time you are in a heated, yet respectful, debate of different views, demonstrate restraint to change the subject or avoid it. You could even interrupt the discussion to recognize that what they are doing is necessary, and the currency to better decisions may be the personal discomfort that comes with discord. It’s healthy to have the most important and difficult issues being put on the table so that you can resolve them. And, of course, it’s good to remember that most decisions don’t end with total consensus, sometimes they end in beneficial compromise, and sometimes the leader takes the path that she sees makes the most sense (all things considered).
The important thing is that all voices are heard, so that team members can commit to the decision that is made knowing their opinions were given thoughtful reflection.
3. Revisit your team norms routinely
Set aside a few hours a month to assess how your team is doing and what to start, stop or continue. Keeping up good dialogue (which includes conflict) requires maintenance.
If you don’t know where to start in building a team that thrives in a culture of trust and psychological safety, or how to establish the context for conflict to be addressed in a healthy and productive manner, you are not alone. Most managers are so busy putting out daily fires that they don’t prioritize making time to focus on team development. If that’s you, I’d love to help. Let my experience in developing teams, including how conflict is viewed and used, become your expertise.
Nikki Bale is an organizational development consultant at Global Leader Group, specializing in leadership team development and executive coaching. She acts as an inquisitive and empathetic business partner, and she is energized by partnering with clients to solve people's problems through facilitated team development, coaching, and bespoke organizational development programs. Contact Nikki at Nikki@GlobalLeaderGroup.com
Global Leader Group, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Global Leader Group is a leadership firm of proven practitioners who share a deep-rooted desire to make a difference by helping organizations FIND & BUILD leaders to deliver excellence. They do that through three main pillars:
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