Written by: Cheryl Gray Hines, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Recently, I was purchasing tickets for an outdoor concert. One of the options was to select tickets in a VIP (Very Important Person) section. After checking the price difference, I bought the VIP tickets. When I think of VIPs, it’s often a designation given to someone of great stature because of their public persona, professional accomplishments, or close association with someone who falls into those categories. However, I was reminded that we have the choice to appoint ourselves as a VIP.
In my weekly interactions with leaders in organizations, I often encounter leaders who don’t make time for themselves, nor do they make themselves a priority. They cram in breakfast or lunch in minutes, if at all — even while working from home during a pandemic. They grumble about not having any time to slow down during the day, yet it is in their absolute power to do so. I heard a heartbreaking story about someone I just finished a coaching engagement with during April of this year who unfortunately died in June. This person knew they needed to slow down and reduce stress; however, there was always the big project ahead that they needed to complete.
The very same leaders that do not treat themselves like VIP encourage their employees and others in their lives to take care of themselves. When you profess one thing to others and do something different with yourself, that is a lack of integrity. You also send a message to colleagues, employees, and family about your believability in that area. Organizational norms and behaviors, which can be dysfunctional, are often established because of what people observe their leaders doing. So, being your own VIP is about more than you — it impacts others.
I recently spoke with a colleague who, during our monthly calls, wanted to discuss making time for themself. I listened as they talked about the last-minute client need, and they had to be there for them that day. My question to them was, “What kind of example are you providing for that client when you don’t have boundaries or convey that you aren’t available at the last minute?” I also shared that the client’s actions were representative of what they were doing with colleagues and employees inside the organization. Whether you are consulting a client or a leader in an organization, your actions are always conveying a message.
In Stress and Its Relationship to Leadership and a Healthy Workplace Culture, researchers David B. Ross, Julie A. Exposito, and Tom Kennedy write, “If a leader experiences stress, neurotransmitters, and hormones are released, and the leader may experience a short period of increased focus and reaction time. But if the stress exists for a long enough period of time, there will be negative consequences. Characteristics of these negative behaviors include (a) lack of listening, (b) over-analysis, (c) failure to make decisions, and (d) erratic, fearful or angry emotional decisions.” That is the impact of not taking care of yourself in the workplace.
Things You Can Do As A Leader To Treat Yourself As A VIP.
1. Prioritize
Identify the high impact, deadline-driven, and challenging projects to focus on first since your day will undoubtedly include the unexpected. Determine if every meeting you are requested to attend is necessary. Meetings you don’t attend, have an associate provide a summary of key points and next steps. This always creates opportunities for colleagues to gain exposure. Be aware of last-minute demands and determine if they require immediate attention.
2. Set Boundaries
Only you can establish and maintain boundaries for yourself. Even though it may be uncomfortable or difficult, boundaries are set through having conversations upfront about what others can expect from you. Set specific times to respond to emails and calls. Identify your limitations. Ask questions about what’s required and the deadline prior to committing in order to prevent “scope creep,” which is doing more than you anticipated. Resist the need to offer reasons which can also erode your boundaries. Expect people to cross boundaries and anticipate how to handle them with confidence. Plan for your work and make time to reward yourself when it’s done.
3. Delegate
This is an opportunity to develop people. Identify what work you can give others and communicate to learn if the person has time, capacity, and the skillset to complete the task. Share your expectations, communicate how you will support them, and empower them with the responsibility. Delegation can build confidence and/or the competence and expands your capacity in the process.
4. Make Time For Restoration
Take a pause in a moment to not think at all and just breathe. Be kind to and stop being critical of yourself. There is a direct correlation between mindset and career success.
Reflection enables you to increase your awareness, so you are able to reframe experiences to have a more positive perspective. Consider what you love to do, and include that in your weekly routine. Celebrate your accomplishments.
5. Identify Stress-reducing Activities In Your Day
Consider using the Calm App on your phone, which has breathing exercises, emotional check-ins, meditations, calming music, stretching sequences, podcasts, and more. Learn about acupressure points that relieve tension and help with relaxation. Deep breathing is helpful to decompress prior to a meeting or presentation. Use a Fitbit or Apple Watch breathing prompts as a guide.
Be the role model that you want others to emulate in and out of the workplace by setting boundaries, delegating, making time to recharge, and reducing stressful activities in your day. You can have the best of intentions, but when your intentions don’t line up with your actions, you diminish your integrity yourself. Be your own V.I.P. and make time for yourself.
Cheryl Gray Hines, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Cheryl Gray Hines is an accomplished entrepreneur, executive coach, and mentor with a mission to support women to live authentically and be their best. Her deep expertise in leadership, organizational development, and business strategy have equipped her to coach executives and leaders through the most challenging transitions.
Cheryl Gray Hines is the founder of C. Gray & Associates, author of In Support of Myself: A Woman’s Guide to Asking for Accepting Help from Others, and the creator of Gray’s Integrity Leadership Instrument (GILI) 360°, the only tool of its kind that quantifies leadership integrity. As founder of C. Gray & Associates, she teaches Fortune 100 corporations, federal agencies, and high-net-worth entrepreneurs that leadership integrity is the foundation of stellar business performance.
