Written by: Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It is usually known as a compulsion of comparing one's accomplishments to another person. It is about comparing what someone else has, or you perceive them to have, with what you would like to have – and it leaves one in a state of wanting or needing the same as those they look up to with admiration. It's a reminder of what they lack. And when the comparison couples with imposter syndrome, the dreaded question most have come to mind at some stage in their lives is 'Am I good enough?' It could be quite an unhealthy syndrome to live with if viewed negatively, mainly if you reflect on the lack of your achievements.
What is Comparisonitis?
The main sign of Comparisonitis is when one starts comparing themselves to others or comparing themself to their former self – whether they're comparing their body, job, goals, financial status, or general achievements. As soon as one feels this envy or lack, it is easy to spiral to unhappiness because it fuels suffering and insecurities. It triggers self-doubt and questioning one's self-worth.
A person can get to a frame of mind where everyone else around them seems to be better off. It's practically like a victim mentality, and woe is me. Questions such as; 'what am I doing wrong? Why is everything wrong? Why am I not successful? Why am I not good enough? Start setting in. These thoughts and numerous questions take over a person's mind.
With so much media exposure to other people's successes, lifestyles status, and emphasis on looks in society, it is inescapable to dismiss those feelings of self-doubt easily. It is also quite exhausting keeping up with people. But again, it all depends on how one views their life to others. For instance, if we look at Comparisonitis with confidence and are pretty sure of what we wish to achieve, we ultimately want to be a better version of who we were yesterday, a week ago, and a year ago. So the effects of Comparisonitis can be quite a positive thing if we remain to look at things again without negative judgement or envy.
Comparisonitis and social media
Scrolling through social media often displays the other person's best pictures, most exciting adventures, most significant accomplishments and so on, which leads to negative self-esteem for most when they reflect on how monotonous their lives appear in comparison. Some may argue that media plays a significant role in impacting children early in life, but parents or carers' behaviour, is the key factor affecting a child from the beginning of life. It is also significant to consider how parents or carers view themselves since the influence on children starts with the parents or carers. Initially, parents or carers have to play an essential role in developing their own sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Only then will the child learn to grow with confidence.
How to overcome Comparison Syndrome
1. Be Aware of your thoughts
When feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness develop from comparing yourself to others or an adaptation of yourself that you feel you ought to be - it is essential to acknowledge and sit with those thoughts and practice mindfulness. Mindfulness helps defeat your thoughts and emotions that keep you stuck. If you do not confront those limiting beliefs, it will make them tougher to overcome, and they can, after that, place your body under physical stress. So addressing and processing your thoughts and feelings will provide much-required relief by bringing clarity, self-awareness, and understanding the situation.
2. Switch negative self-talk with positive self-talk
Whenever you think or make a negative comment about yourself, instantly follow it up – either in your head or out loud. Use positive language to balance it out. Our self-critical voice overpowers the inner compassionate voice. It creates the not feeling good enough and comparing yourself to other people syndrome. So be kind to yourself and use your empathetic voice more. Make it loud and proud in your head.
3. Keep a gratitude journal
A gratitude list of all the big and little things you are thankful for in life is also important. Those things that enhance joy can be an excellent solution to unhappiness. Use gratitude to help gain clarity on the good you have in life. You are only as good as you think you are. So be grateful to yourself.
4. Take a social media break
Comparisonitis has been a thing for a long while, and social media does not help. Presently, it is so easy for us to delve into the lives of others. So many people share their lives openly on specific platforms, and if they display lavish, expensive and beautiful lifestyles, we believe their life and culture are better than our own. Where one may spend hours reviewing and wanting the life of others, then one has to realise that they can wisely use that time on themselves instead of observing and monitoring others.
Give yourself a purpose by finding ways to better your livelihood. Remember, first, you are in control of your own life – second, where your thoughts and focus go, energy flows. To understand and accept, if you keep looking at other people, there will always be someone whose life looks better than yours, someone who dresses better, has a better car, job, or home and so on. As an alternative, know it would help if you got over the fear of missing out or keeping up and limiting your time to improve your own lifestyle rather wishing you had another person's life. Be you. Be authentic and accept that only you can create what you ultimately desire.
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Belynder Walia, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Belynder Walia is a leading Psychotherapist, helping people who need a swift, effective solution to a current problem that negatively impacts their lives. She's worked with a wide variety of people, from stay-at-home carers to experts and celebrities in the public eye. Having suffered Perinatal Anxiety, she focused on enabling others to learn, heal and grow from pain. Belynder is the founder of Serene Lifestyles, an online psychotherapy practice at www.serenelifestyles.com. Her ground-breaking methods include a combination of Psychotherapy and Neuroplasticity to help rewire the THREE Brains (the head, the heart, and the gut). She has been featured in many publications, including Forbes, Cosmopolitan, Harpers Bazaar, The Moment, Planet Mindful, Thrive Global, and The London Economic. Belynder is also writing her first non-fiction book, lessons on Anxiety, providing quick fixes to help people radically change their minds so that they can change their life.
