Written by Sarah Montes, Addiction Counsellor
Sarah Montes is a Lived Experience Addiction Counselor with a rich background in addiction recovery, having transformed her own challenges into a career dedicated to helping others heal and find purpose.
Feeling overwhelmed by communicating your recovery needs? You’re not alone. Recovery presents unique challenges, especially when we need to set boundaries around challenges like social gatherings and family events. Over time, I’ve learned that sharing our needs openly and confidently can protect our progress and create a healthier environment for us and those around us. Here, I’ll share some practical strategies to help you communicate your recovery needs—these tips have helped me navigate difficult situations and maintain supportive relationships on my journey.
What does it mean to communicate recovery needs?
Communicating recovery needs involves expressing what makes you feel supported and safe in recovery. Whether it’s setting boundaries around substances, asking for certain conversations to be avoided, or requesting that others respect your personal space, it’s all about sharing what helps you thrive. Speaking up about these needs protects your well-being and fosters a greater understanding of the people around you.
Why is communication important in recovery?
Communicating your needs strengthens your support system, reduces misunderstandings, and minimizes unintentional challenges. Openly discussing boundaries around potentially challenging situations—especially those involving alcohol or substances—can create a safer space, allowing you to prioritize your recovery while nurturing healthy connections with family, friends, or colleagues.
Communicating your recovery needs
Identify and Reflect on Your Needs: Reflect on the specific support you need. In my own experience, it took time to figure out exactly what made me feel safe at gatherings involving alcohol - I even had to avoid them for a time. By getting clear about our challenges, we can better communicate them to others, avoiding surprises in difficult moments.
Be Direct and Specific: When we’re clear and specific about our boundaries, it helps everyone understand where we stand. For example, In early recovery, I asked my husband—who drinks occasionally—to respect three simple requests when it came to alcohol in our home:
Ask how I feel: I asked him to check in with me first about how I was feeling regarding alcohol being present in the house that day. This allowed us to have an open conversation and ensured I was in a good place emotionally.
Only buy what you’ll drink that day: I requested that he only bring enough alcohol for himself, to avoid excess. This helped prevent temptation and kept things manageable for me.
Dump the rest: If there was any leftover alcohol, I asked that it be taken away or dumped out, so it wouldn’t linger in the house and create unnecessary stress.
Choose the right moment
Timing is everything. If you know a challenging event is approaching, talk with key people beforehand. Discussing your needs in advance helps avoid misunderstandings and minimizes stress for everyone involved.
Frame your communication with “I” statements
Using “I” statements helps keep the conversation open and lessens the risk of others becoming defensive. For instance, saying, “I feel more comfortable if alcohol isn’t left behind,” keeps the focus on your experience and makes your needs clearer.
Practice self-compassion
It’s easy to feel poorly about asking for support. But remember, how you feel and what you need matters. Practicing self-compassion is essential in communicating confidently without self-doubt. When we’re kind to ourselves, it’s easier to express ourselves and honour our recovery journey.
Ask for an accountability partner
Identify a friend or family member who can support you at gatherings. Having someone aware of your boundaries and ready to support you if things get uncomfortable can ease anxiety and reinforce your comfort.
Confidence and grace
It’s helpful to have a few responses ready for situations where others might offer or encourage drinking. Simple, polite replies like, “I’m focusing on my health right now,” can allow you to navigate these moments without feeling uncomfortable.
Celebrate your wins
Every time you successfully communicate a boundary, give yourself credit. Each step forward is an achievement. Celebrating these moments reinforces the positive impact of advocating for yourself and strengthens your confidence.
Start your journey toward confident communication in recovery
Communicating our needs can feel challenging, but it’s empowering too. If you’re ready to explore personalized support to strengthen your recovery communication skills, don’t hesitate to reach out. Together, we can work to help you feel grounded and supported, even in tough situations.
I’d love to help you navigate these experiences and build the confidence to express your recovery needs. Let’s make this journey smoother—one conversation at a time.
Read more from Sarah Montes
Sarah Montes, Addiction Counsellor
Sarah Montes, founder and CEO of Sarah Montes Recovery Services, is a Lived Experience Addiction Counselor with a profound understanding of the complexities of addiction and recovery. Having overcome personal struggles, she has held pivotal roles in withdrawal management and residential treatment centers. Her work, infused with deep empathy and unwavering commitment, extends beyond her practice to other clinics and treatment centres, where she supports individuals, families, and communities on their journeys to healing.
