Dr. Pooja Anand Sharma is the Founder and Chairperson of Vishwas Healing and Healthcare LLP, a renowned Psychologist, Psychotherapist, Alternative Healing Master with over 22 years of experience in the healing industry. Dr. Pooja’s passion for healing and counseling goes beyond just a profession; it is her true calling.
As people interact with each other in society, the relationships they have with one another are very significant in influencing the person’s psychological and physical health. Some are positive and help to build and enhance our lives, while others may become toxic and poisonous. Among the most typical but, at the same time, least understood patterns in unhealthy relationships, there is co-dependency. It is crucial to comprehend co-dependent behaviors and the principles of healthy relationships to create healthy relationships that support the growth of people and their independence and respect.
What is co-dependency?
Co-dependency is a type of behavioral disorder in which one person supports another person’s pathological condition, addiction, or other problematic behavior. The characteristics of co-dependency include emotional or psychological over-involvement with a partner, which is usually due to poor self-esteem and lack of personal identity. This is not a healthy interdependence but rather a dependency where one person’s needs become more important than the other’s.
Common traits of co-dependent behaviours
1. Excessive caregiving
Co-dependent people always feel that they are the ones who have to make sure that other people are happy. They can sacrifice a lot of their time to look after another person, especially without worrying about themselves.
2. People-pleasing
Co-dependent people will often go along with things they do not wish to do in order to prevent arguments or being turned down and will put other people’s needs before their own.
3. Poor boundaries
Co-dependent people have a problem with defining and observing personal boundaries. They may have problems with setting boundaries, and their ego may get intertwined with the people around them.
4. Low self-esteem
The co-dependents usually feel that they are not good enough or that they are not worthy. Low self-esteem is also a common characteristic of such persons as they rely on the affirmation of others.
5. Control issues
It could be that people have a hidden desire to dominate others for them to feel safe. This can be seen in an attempt to control and correct other people or to manage their lives for them.
6. Denial
Self-denial is another characteristic of co-dependents. They may convince themselves that they do not have needs or that their needs are unimportant.
Building healthy relationships
On the other hand, healthy relationships are characterized by respect, trust, and individual’ autonomy. Here are some key components:
1. Self-awareness and self-respect
Self-esteem is the bedrock of a healthy relationship because one has to know and appreciate themselves. This entails understanding oneself, identifying one’s requirements, wants, and limits, and valuing them.
2. Clear boundaries
All people need to have boundaries in their relationships, and these boundaries should be well defined and understood. Every individual should have his or her own region and freedom, and both partners should be able to set boundaries for themselves.
3. Mutual support
In a healthy relationship, both partners encourage each other to grow and to be healthy. They support each other and cheer each other up during good and bad times without compromising who they are.
4. Effective communication
Thus, the key principles that should be followed in the process of communication are openness, honesty, and respect. The partners should be able to share their ideas and emotions without any form of prejudice or force from the other partner.
5. Equality and fairness
It is important that in healthy relationships, people are treated as equals. Both should have an equal input in making decisions and there should be equality in the division of labor.
6. Independence
However, one should not forget that people are interdependent but at the same time have their own friends, interests, and hobbies. This independence means that both of the partners are able to come into the relationship without the other one influencing them in any way.
7. Shared values and goals
Thus, having common values and goals is the key to creating a solid base. Although variety is the spice of life, there has to be a foundation on which both partners agree on the core principles of life.
Co-dependency to health relationships
The process of moving from one type of relationship to another from the co-dependent one to the healthy one is not easy and involves personal transformation and sometimes the help of a therapist. Here are some steps to consider:
1. Acknowledge the problem
The first one is the acknowledgement of co-dependency behaviours.
2. Seek professional help
Co-dependency can be helped by therapy or counseling as it can give one useful information and techniques. It can also work on other problems, such as the lack of confidence and personal boundaries, which a mental health professional can assist with.
3. Develop self-compassion
It is important to learn how to be kind to oneself and accept oneself. This entails the process of accepting oneself and accepting one’s rights to have needs and feelings.
4. Practice setting boundaries
It is recommended to begin by creating some limits and then expanding the list of limits step by step. This should be done by conveying these boundaries and ensuring that one does so in a clear and strong manner.
5. Focus on self-care
Activities that are good for the individual to do in their free time. This can include activities such as reading, exercising, practicing yoga, and being around positive people.
6. Build a support network
It means being with people who will not cross your boundaries and those who will let you be an individual. This support network can help avoid co-dependency, which is not healthy for the individual.
Therefore, though co-dependency is detrimental to the health of a relationship, recognizing and working on the co-dependency can result in healthier and more satisfying relationships. Thus, people can develop healthy relationships that are beneficial for both parties through increasing self-identification, establishing boundaries, and respecting each other.
At Vishwas Healing Centre, we realize that people’s relationships are not easy, and that is why we provide all-round assistance to individuals and couples who want to move from codependency to a healthier relationship. We have a team of professionals who will assist you throughout the whole process.
Read more from Dr. Pooja Anand Sharma
Dr. Pooja Anand Sharma, Healing Therapist & Life Coach
Dr. Pooja, an exceptional communicator, seeks to revolutionize holistic healing by emphasizing the profound interconnectedness of the mind and body. Her philosophy rests on the belief that mental and physical health are inseparable. Any ailment affecting one inevitably reverberates through the other. With this vision, Dr. Pooja has transformed countless lives.
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