Written by: Kyle Gillette, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
During a recent coaching call with a home designer client, I challenged him to think bigger about his fees. He was fearful of asking for higher fees because he isn't a licensed architect. To challenge his thinking, I asked, "What would an architect charge?" He told me around 10%. I then asked, "What would stretch you with your fees?"
After some discussion, he decided to double the fee he was planning on charging a prospect. The challenge to his original thinking netted him an additional $60,000! He then committed to this fee structure moving forward. Challenging him in this one way fundamentally shifted how he runs his business.
Assumptions, Self-Limiting Beliefs, and Toxic Thoughts
In "Challenging Coaching" by John Blakey and Ian Day, they say, "Effective Coaching is about challenging assumptions, examining habits, overcoming barriers, and embedding change."1 In this one conversation, my client's acceptance of the challenge shifted assumptions, overcame barriers, and embedded powerful change into his business.
In his book, "The Big Leap,” author Gay Hendricks shares powerful insights on how to help us shift from being good at the things we do into our "zone of genius.” Hendricks teaches readers how to bust through self-imposed upper limits and make the "Big Leap".2 As coaches, we can ask provoking and challenging questions to help our clients discover these self-imposed upper limits and then challenge them to overcome them.
In Dr. Caroline Leaf's book, "Switch On Your Brain,” she writes about the power toxic thoughts have on our minds, bodies, and actions. She explains that our thoughts are different and separate from our brains to exert our will on these toxic thoughts.
In so doing, the physical structures of these memories that form the toxic thoughts (that look like trees) start to get shaken up and can eventually uproot and be replaced with healthy thoughts. In short, Dr. Leaf has proven in her research on neuroplasticity that we can think our way into creating healthy structures inside our brains.
Clients frequently make assumptions, rely on their self-limiting beliefs, and get caught in negative thoughts that stifle their thinking rather than pushing and stretching it. Furthermore, considering breaking out of these cycles is tiring and requires a lot of mental effort. Nick Weiler, a graduate psychology student at Stanford, shares two theories about what keeps people motivated.
Does Your Client’s Brain Have The Resources It Needs?
"The resource model proposes that the brain is like a muscle in that it has some limited resource of mental effort that can get used up by exerting self-control over a long time. When this happens, your brain has no choice but to shut down the executive functions until it accumulates more of this mental fuel." (Baumeister et al. 1998)
In common terms, at times, we are simply too busy, overwhelmed, and overworked to exercise our mental muscles to challenge our beliefs. Our clients are no exception.
Is Your Client Motivated To Accept The Challenge?
"This model is more about motivation. The process model (aka the motivation model) proposes that your brain is like a dog who will only do tricks as long as she is relatively confident that she will eventually receive a treat. Suppose it starts looking unlikely that any reward is going to be offered. In that case, your brain may lose motivation for the current task, and be more and more inclined to quit barking up the wrong tree, so to speak, and look for easier rewards elsewhere (Kurzban, 2010; Hagger et al., 2010; Inzlicht & Schmeichael, 2012)."
Working with clients means that the goal your client is attempting must have a clear payoff worth pursuing. In this theory, our brain wants a tangible reward to remain enthusiastic about the challenge. We need to ask questions that focus on this reward to keep our clients motivated and eager to accept the mission.
Biblical Perspective On Coaching to Challenge and Stretch Clients
In Dr. Caroline Leaf's book, she first references Romans 12:2 as her biblical basis for why her research branch provides excellent results. God wants us to stretch and challenge our thinking to match His.
Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Ultimately, the hope is all of our clients end up with God as the center and catalyst of their thoughts.
The Coach Who DARES Their Clients To Shift Their Thinking
Use the DARES acronym below to help you remember how to challenge and stretch your clients' thinking.
D - Disconnect yourself from the challenge.
The work is the Holy Spirit's, not yours. Allow God and the conversation to create the challenge. This means being okay with them saying no or negotiating a different approach.
A - Ask permission.
Get permission to challenge. At times, our clients won't have the mental energy to engage in such a conversation. If they don't have the willingness, the challenge will fall flat.
R - Rewarding and simple.
The stretching and challenging questions you ask the client need to be simple and help them find a reward worth pursuing.
E - Expand on efforts the client is making.
When discussing the stretch, the questions and topics should fit the conversation’s narrative or the client’s more significant goals. In other words, helping them "Leap" to the next level.
S - Shift assumptions.
When you ask questions that help shift your client’s assumptions, this breaks down the toxic thoughts (shakes the tree) and allows them to see things from a new perspective (Romans 12:2).
Questions To Challenge Your Clients
Can I challenge you in this?
What do you NOT want me to ask you?
What are you doing NOT to achieve your goal?
Is this decision going to take you where you want to go?
What would happen if you sped up the timeline? (Slowed down?)
What role did you play in this situation.
You can also contact me at Kyle@sagemindset.com
Kyle Gillette, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Kyle Gillette is an expert mindset coach. After working for 9 years in a men's mentoring program and seeing how much the student's mindsets were limiting their success, Kyle created the SAGE Mindset® Framework. He now helps small business owners who are struggling with burnout, feeling overwhelmed with work, or just plain stuck create the habits and mindsets gain the clarity, confidence, and clients they deserve. Kyle is also the creator of the SAGE Mindset App, he's an author, and host of the SAGE Mindset Podcast. He's been coaching and leading people in the non-profit and small business contexts for 20 years. Kyle desires to help his clients become the leaders they were meant to be. Visit sagemindset.com to learn more.
References:
Blakey, J., Day, Ian. Nicholas Brealey Publishing. (2012) Challenging Coaching: Going Beyond Traditional Coaching to Face the Facts.
Hendricks, G. (2009) The Big Leap. Harper Collins.
Leaf, C. (2013) Switch on Your Brain. Baker Publishing Group.
Ask a Neuroscientist: Why is thinking hard so hard? (2014, January 6), Stanford University https://neuroscience.stanford.edu/news/ask-neuroscientist-why-thinking-hard-so-hard.
The Holy Bible, new international version. (1984). Grand Rapids: Zondervan Publishing House.
English Standard Version Bible. (2001). ESV Online. https://esv.literalword.com/
