La’Toya Haley-Haynes is the founder of Dearest Famly Coaching, LLC. She is a family and relationships coach, author, and speaker. La’Toya is known as the “exceptional relationship coach” because she helps you identify and manage the exceptional factors that are keeping you bound so that you can begin to pursue healing within a healthy relationship. She understands firsthand how imbalance with boundaries, self-care, parenting, parenting a child with exceptional needs, relationships, and even spiritual growth can stop you from truly seeing and living the life you were meant to live. Her mission is to move people from confrontation and confusion to confidence and connections regarding healthy relationships.
La'Toya Haley-Haynes, Family and Relationships Coach
Introduce yourself! Please tell us about you and your life, so we can get to know you better. My name is La’Toya Haley-Haynes, and I am passionate about educating and helping others. Faith, family, and integrity are values I hold high and operate around. I am a wife, mother, family & relationships coach, author, speaker, and teacher. If you asked me growing up if I would have used those six labels to describe myself, I would have responded with, “You must be crazy!”. As a child, I disliked talking to people and was not a social butterfly. My lack of speaking to others raised concerns with my parents, and they took me in for testing to see if something was developed mentally wrong. The reports were negative for delays, but my parents still struggled with having a quiet child. Although I was quiet, I was always willing to help and used my voice through writing, poetry, or speaking. My willingness to help broke my hard outer layer exposing the beautiful softness on the inside and unleashing an advocate for those with quiet voices. Imbalances in setting boundaries, self-care, parenting two typically developing younger children alongside their older sister who has exceptional needs, trying to maintain my relationships, and striving to grow spiritually connect me with my clients in an authentic way. Some of these are exceptional factors in my life that I had to learn to manage to have the healthy relationships I wanted. As a Christian Life Coach, I can rely on my relationship with the Holy Spirit to help me connect with my clients on a spiritual level. My Bachelor of Science degree in Human Development & Family Sciences and my Master of Education degree in Special Education also help me to see and hear my clients from a different lens on the natural level. What is your business name, and how do you help your clients? I am the founder of Dearest FamilyCoaching, LLC. I help women (and sometimes men) identify and manage the exceptional factors that keep them bound so that they can begin to pursue healing within their relationship through individual and group coaching sessions. I also have written two self-development journals that I recommend as a way for individuals to work on themselves at their own pace. Rooted in Authentic Soil: A 45-day Self-Development Journal is for women who want to find their authentic selves and Secured in My Youth: A Young Ladies Self-Development Journal is for preteens/teens who need a place to release and refill with positive declarations. You talk about how you help people manage exceptional factors in their relationships. What are exceptional factors?
I define exceptional factors as atypical mental, emotional, or physical influences that impact our thoughts and actions in a relationship. When I share what exceptional factors are with others, they try to categorize and associate them as negative entities in their relationships, but they are not. Let’s demystify the myth:
Just because you are unfamiliar with something or it is not highlighted in the culture as being “typical” in a relationship doesn’t mean it is a bad thing. Exceptional factors are just another part of your life that can last a season or a lifetime. Some of the exceptional factors that people have in their relationships include:
time management skills
pride
ADHD
lack of social skills
parenting a child with exceptional needs
not living authentically
struggles with self-esteem
impulsivity
perfectionism
lack of responsible decision-making
passive listening
hypo/hypersensitivity
control issues
OCD
conflicting personalities, etc.
Once people are aware of the exceptional factors that influence how they behave in their relationship, they can begin figuring out what they can do to manage them. Manifestation of their ideal relationship with their child, spouse, coworker, or church member is more likely to occur when they address those factors. In the future, what would you like to achieve for yourself and your business? My goal is to open a community center that focuses on mental wellness & relationships with a section for families of exceptional needs members. The community center will provide coaching, counseling, self-development courses, and teaching on mental wellness and healthy relationships. The exceptional center will provide resources for parents of children and adults with exceptional needs and respite services for their families. Our partnerships will be with the city, schools, churches, and other community-based programs with similar values and missions of educating the community and extending a hand of service. Why are relationships so important to you? Relationships are the foundation of our interactions with others. We have relationships with our immediate family, in our workplace, when we go out in the community, at church, and even when making simple greeting exchanges. However, outside factors constantly challenge and impact those connections. There is minimal focus on building our relationships back up, especially within some of our minority communities.
Such challenges have left us with the following equation:
Broken Relationships/Unhealthy Relationships = Broken/Unhealthy People= Generational Curses
The Bible tells us that when God’s people live in unity, it is good and pleasant. Unfortunately, not everyone is experiencing this good and pleasant in their relationships. I want to do something to change that. It is because of the relationships I have in my life that I am who I am today.
If you could change one thing about your industry, what would it be and why?
I would love to change the stigma attached to getting support from a life coach. Mental health support, emotional support, and functional support are all essential. The more we make receiving support “the norm”, the sooner people will get the help they need. Everyone needs support at some point in their life, whether it’s picking up a self-help book, downloading an app, or finding someone who will just be a listening ear.
Receiving support does not make you less of a person but shows your strength.
I also would love to see more public institutions have coaching available to their employees. Coaching is standard in the business world, but hospitals, schools, and even correctional facilities have limited opportunities to receive coaching without paying for an outside provider.
What advice do you have for anyone interested in receiving coaching services?
My advice would be to make sure you understand what coaching is first and then go for it! Coaching is not counseling, therapy, or advice-giving. It is a partnership to help individuals move forward toward their goals. A coach is a person who helps keep you accountable, challenges your thinking, helps to build your awareness, and keeps you thinking about your next steps while providing you with helpful resources.
People have the final say in what steps they choose to take in life. A coach simply helps build the bridge to get them to that other side.
