Written by: Ailsa Keppie, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I am not a young person anymore. Like it or not, I am now approaching Senior status and my views on life have changed considerably. Lately, I have been questioning this phenomenon I have noticed amongst my peers and colleagues, to strive after Pleasure experiences like our life depended on it.
I find I am curious to know if goals and outcomes are really the only measures of success for our human endeavours. I mean, goals are all very well when it comes to getting sign-ups for our courses or $$ in the bank, but should we measuring our joy and pleasure in this way?
I have been a Sex Educator for a few years and one thing I’ve noticed is that when someone is looking to heal their sense of lack or failure by reaching goals, or measuring success by how much longer their orgasm lasts or how many minutes they can maintain an erection, something important is lost.
What is this undefinable thing? Well, it is somehow related to inner peace, to fulfillment and to feeling a deep joy at being alive. When we take the pressure off the performance or goal, we open up a whole new understanding of Sexual pleasure and Intimacy.
Let me be frank and say that I’ve had my share of longing for bigger and better experiences, for jaw-dropping, firework-popping sex, for more intense orgasmic states that last for hours but there is something that is left wanting after all the heavy breathing is done and I have landed back in normal life.
This something is not measurable by any goal-setting techniques and is hard to define.
The ‘something’ that transforms the way we feel about Pleasure is actually feeling it in the present moment and being satisfied with that. Whatever we are doing, whoever we are doing it within whichever way feels good, nothing beats an experience of satisfying connection and enjoyment. We are not left with an aching emptiness at the end of it, or the immediate desire to go for more next time. We rest, peacefully feeling whole and content.
I know it seems like peace and contentment might feel unattainable these days, but really they’re not so hard to find. It just requires a different perspective.
So what does this entail?
Approaching our relationships with a deep sense of Gratitude is a wonderful way to start. I found that if I thought of all the small joys and intimacies my partner offers me on a daily basis all of our interactions were more fulfilling. I could let go of the longing for ‘better’ sex and sink into the pleasure of connection that we were enjoying RIGHT NOW!
Wow, what a game-changer.
Gratitude
Present Moment
Relaxation
Connection
These are not new concepts but we seem to have forgotten them in the headlong rush to experience more pleasure, more sex, more intimacy, more... MORE... MORE…
So stop, take a breath. We already have everything we need to feel the most pleasure we ever could. It just requires us to stop chasing goals and notice what we have.
For me, as a ‘soon to be’ senior, this wisdom has finally hit home.
If enjoying your life and relationships is something you want more of take comfort in knowing that sometimes less effort and more gratitude is all you need.
With pleasure,
Ailsa
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Ailsa Keppie, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ailsa is a trained intimacy Educator and Somatic Therapist and has been working in hands-on bodywork, somatic coaching, and healing for over a decade. Ailsa Keppie brings aspects from her background in circus arts, physical theatre, music, dance, myofascial release, bioenergetic processes, archetypes, and spirituality to her work with clients. She is a published author of her compelling memoir entitled "By the Light of the Crescent Moon," which describes her incredible journey into Islam and polygamy and how it lead to her awakening and reclamation of her own Eros and power. Ailsa works with individuals, couples, and groups both online and in-person at her retreat center, Our Celtic Hearth, in Nova Scotia, Canada, where she resides with her current life partner.
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