Written by: Marika Nikkinen, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
How does it feel and sound like to live in your skin? Our minds are very active in producing continuous opinions on how we are behaving, acting, and being. How does your self-talk make you feel? Is it loving and caring or judgmental and hard on you?
If you would record your self-talk for a day, how would it sound like?
Negative self-talk is one of the top 3 topics I work with my coaching clients. Our inner talk is constantly judgemental for many of us, putting us down and making us feel never being enough. These voices might become the truth that guides us in life, hindering us from doing what we love and taking the steps forward towards our dreams. We have set ourselves an invisible bar that is unreachable, and often we are unconscious of its existence. We might look bold and beautiful on the outside, but we become smaller and smaller, ambivalent, anxious, exhausted, and hopeless from the inside.
What if you were able to silence your monkey mind? What would be the impact on you, your decisions, your life?
We often believe the judgment and criticism keep us growing, going forward, and succeeding in life. I want to challenge your thoughts and offer an alternative. What if it was self-love and acceptance that do the work better? What if we were able to change the demands into wants and the judgments into appraisals? How would that impact your life?
Our inner talk has roots in our belief system, which we have built and internalized since we were born. It's about what our parents, family and friends, and our culture, religion, and society told us that becomes our beliefs for better or for worse. As good examples, "be a good girl "or "boys don't cry" makes us keep our emotions to ourselves and not daring us to show how we feel and think. It's very harmful since awareness of our feelings is an essential guide for us in life. The great news is that you can change your inner talk; you can change the stories you tell yourself, which will change your life.
When we dare to challenge our beliefs and work to change them, a whole new world opens up for us. When I started writing, my inner voices were trying to convince me not to "you don't have anything to say," "no one will be interested," and "everything is already said." I still wanted to continue writing and put my thoughts out there.
The beliefs that we carry with us are deep within us, and it takes time, energy, and work to with them. You can imagine your mind being a loud family, pushing and pulling you in all the directions, from support to rejection and everything in between.
3 Simple Steps To Change Your Self-Talk
First step
Working with your self-talk is AWARENESS. Becoming aware that the inner talk is separate from you is a game-changer. Becoming observant of your inner dialogue. Our higher self, our soul, would never judge or be mean to use. Its voice is loving, caring, and guiding. Often also very silent and subtle.
What is your inner voice telling you right now? Make notes. It is good to write your thoughts down to get them out of your system and become observant.
Second step
Naming and understanding your inner talk. Listen to what inner talk is saying and pay attention to the tone. Are you able to visualize the voice? Is it the voice of someone you know? Imagining the voices have some kind of physical form helps you to work with them.
What is the message your inner talk wants to convey to you? Acknowledge the voice and look behind it to create understanding. You can ask yourself what are they aiming for? Often we find a reason for why the voices are speaking to us as they are. The voice might be protecting us from something. The defense mechanism we have built along our life might not be needed anymore.
Whose voice is it that is talking to you? How does it sound like and feel like?
What are the needs/meanings behind the inner talk? Create understanding.
Third step
Change your inner talk, change the story and the perspective. When we become aware of the inner talk, we can visualize and understand it; we can also change it.
What is the most beautiful story you could imagine of the critics you are having? Write that story down, repeat it to yourself and change your story.
My "most beautiful story" in my writing is that I want to share my thoughts with the world. I know there is resonance. I want to serve my world with my thoughts. Connect. Working with my thoughts will help others to work with theirs. I am just enough and where I am meant to be right at this moment. This is about growth and learning.
When we practice changing our inner stories, we are tapping into our pool of endless resources. If you look at your inner resources as it was a schoolyard full of kids, happily playing, having some arguments, with few bullies here and there. Look at the big picture, what's going on. What is the pain the bullies are putting forward with their actions? Give them some love and acceptance. Tell them that you need them and assign them a task to lead a game or become members of the student board. Support them to grow and give them loving feedback and the alternative action and result you would love to see.
Talk to yourself as if you would talk to…
A Child - It's ok to be sad. I am here for you. I love you to the moon and back.
Your Best Friend - You are amazing! I am so proud of you. You deserve the best.
Your Loved One - I support you 100% with whatever you want to do in life. I love you.
A Stranger - How can I help you?
If you want to work with your inner talk, I can help you. Drop me a line through social media or book a free get-to-know session through my website. My next article will be about Working With Your Inner Guidance, so tune into your negative self-talk work to be prepared for the next step. Thank you for reading.
Marika Nikkinen, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Marika Nikkinen is a leader in inner guidance, self-leadership, and spiritual activation. After a series of hardships left her with poor mental and physical health, she decided to recover and find her own way in life. Connecting with her inner guidance, she found her strategies, and she has since dedicated her career to helping her clients to unleash their inner power and to trust their inner guidance in life. With her company Conscious Leadership Coaching, she has been coaching organizations and leaders on value and purpose-based, conscious leadership in Europe and in Africa. Currently, she is focusing on working with her private clients worldwide and writing her first book on her journey and its learnings. Her mission: Every life matters.
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