Written by: Shemya Vaughn, PhD, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Please take care of your mental health before helping others. Self-care is not a thing you can buy. You cannot purchase self-love, nurturing, or mothering. This practice is about meeting the needs of your inner child. Centering yourself is, therefore, not a selfish practice. You center your needs so that you can make better decisions that are based on your values, your goals, your inner desires while still being able to respect and hold space for The Collective.
Who is the collective?
In this article, I am referring to our social support system and the people we support as The Collective. We need these people in our lives and they need us. It is healthy to ask for help, provide help, and rely on others. Meg Jordan stated that we are “hardwired for close relationships” and Jordan described the purposes of close relationships to include “accessing self-regulation, gaining an inner sense of safety, tapping into creative problem solving, and experiencing wholeness and enriched lives.” Centering your mental health does not isolate you from others, it makes you more available to help others. It allows you to have the emotional energy to connect with others.
Good mental health
When I refer to mental health in this article, I am referring to good mental health. According to Fusar-Poli et al., “good mental health can be defined as a state of well-being that allows individuals to cope with the normal stresses of life and function productively.” Having good mental health means your needs are met.
Once your needs are met, you have the emotional capacity to meet the needs of others. The flight attendants always give us this advice before the airplane takes off, “Put your mask on before helping your child.” They are telling us that we cannot save anyone if we are no longer breathing. Likewise, if we are not well (physically, emotionally, or psychologically), we cannot help others without causing ourselves harm (compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma, and burnout).
Shemya Vaughn, PhD, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Shemya Vaughn is a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor in Missouri, and Licensed Clinical Counselor in California with a doctorate in rehabilitation counselor education from Michigan State University. She has taught at three community colleges and four universities. Her book, Transgender Youth, was published in 2016 and she also co-authored a book, Trauma-Informed Care in 2021. She currently operates an online private practice providing therapy for anxiety, depression, and trauma to individuals in the BIPOC and LGBTQ+ communities.
