Written by: Andrea Lewis, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I want to share some statistics from www.caregiving.com.
When you worry and help and care for a family member, you become a member of the largest group of health care providers. Consider this:
5,564: total number of hospitals (2017 Fast Facts on U.S. Hospitals)
897,961: total number of hospital beds (2017 Fast Facts on U.S. Hospitals)
809,845: total number of physicians (Statistics and Facts on U.S. doctors)
2.9 million: total number of home health aides and personal care aides (2016, bureau of labor statistics)
2.9 million: total number of registered nurses (2016, bureau of labor statistics)
65.7 million (at least) and growing: Total number of individuals who care for a family member or friend (National Alliance for Caregiving, 2009)
Think about that! Caregivers outnumber all other health care provider groups!
My journey as a caregiver started back in 2011/2012 with my Mema (grandmother). Even though she was in a nursing home, I became the point of contact person for all things concerning her as my mom was overwhelmed with it all. Then in 2015, my dad became ill with cancer, and I helped him by driving to and from his doctor appointments and doing the few things he’d allow me to do around the house for him. Men are very proud creatures and even though he was ill he still insisted on doing things himself. When he passed 5 months after his diagnosis, I became my mom’s caregiver.
So, at that point, I’m caregiving for 2 people, my mom and my Mema (my mom’s mother). Now you may think being a caregiver for my Mema was easier because she was in a nursing home, it was in one sense, in that there were others to do the day-to-day care. Where it became challenging are the trips to the nursing home for care coordination meetings, meetings with nurses or doctor phone calls to discuss care and treatments, etc. All while doing a full-time job and having to care for my mom. When having a full-time job, a lot of times, even after explaining the situation, it gets to be challenging to have to consistently ask for time off or come in late or leave early because of meetings at the nursing home. Then again, that could have been the pressure I put on myself to try to be the reliable and responsible employee. And that doesn’t include visits to your loved one. I tried to visit at least twice a week when I first took over, but I soon realized that was a lot and I was putting a lot of pressure on myself. Even though I felt bad my Mema was there, and there was no way to have her live with us when my dad passed because she would still require in home care, I just couldn’t keep up that pace.
I’m single with no children and most would think, what’s the big deal you should be able to handle it! Well, the big deal is, when you have a full-time job, you have a responsibility to that job, and some are understanding of your situation. Up to a certain point. When work needs to be done, they want you there and don’t want to hear you have to leave early or be out, yet again. And on one of my help desk analyst jobs, at a law firm, I had a supervisor say that to me in more or less those words when I was out due to my own health issue.
And if you have a family. Oh wow! I can’t imagine trying to juggle all that is involved with a family, your job, and your caregiving duties. Even if the caregiver lives with you, it’s still challenging, and something must give. And guess what, it’s usually the caregiver!
We’ve all heard that you must put yourself first, especially caregivers. Which is hard to do as women, and most caregivers are women, because we are raised to put everyone else first. Think of it this way. On the airplane the flight attendant always tells you to put on your oxygen mask first before you put on your loved one’s mask. Yes? It’s the same thing with caregiving. Care for yourself first. Easier said than done. I realized, recently, venting with a friend, that when I listed what I had to do, I listed myself last. And she even realized I did that. She being a caregiver for her mom before she passed and now her son, she understood where I was coming from and was able to give me sound advice from that vantage point. She gets it. And caregivers, I want you to get it too. You are going to have your moments when it’s just too much and you need a break. Take that break. Find a way to do so. Whether it’s going to the park for an hour by yourself. Or going for coffee at your local coffee or tea café. Or taking a weekend away, if possible. This last one may be a challenge because you will need to arrange for care of your loved one if they live with you. I’ve done 2 out of three of these. I used to sit in my car for 5 minutes before going into my home.
Other options are to find a caregiving group you can relate to and there are some online now, such as caregiving.com and eldersourcecargiver.com/virtual caregiver support groups. Find that good friend who knows what you are going through and can listen and give advice as a warrior whose gone through it. I say warrior because guess what? That’s what you are. A warrior for your loved one who cannot always advocate for themselves. Know that you will ruffle some feathers as a warrior because some may not like you questioning things to get the best for you loved one. But it needs to be done because it can be a life or death decision or situation.
You will grow so much in this role and there are blessings and some not so good stuff that will come up or happen. You get to see where you get some of your quirks and why you do and say the things you sometimes do. And it can be funny as well as growth. Also, you get to resolve the past and discuss things that you may have held onto because you realize you’re getting triggered by things that take you by surprise and you have to deal with it to grow beyond it and form a deeper relationship with your loved one before they pass. That’s where the power of EFT Tapping and essential oils come to the rescue! The gold in caregiving is the healing that takes place for you and your loved one if you are courageous and strong enough to push through the muck and grime and do the work. Again, that’s where the power EFT Tapping can come in handy to handle those triggering events.
I have a much better relationship with my higher power than I did 10 or even 5 years ago. And one thing that came through from one of my chats with God is to laugh and find the funny in things for my loved one and myself. For me this has been easier said than done. I don’t consider myself a funny person and am on the serious and intense side. I hold things in, at times, and have my moments. Love on and hug your loved one as much as possible because love heals all wounds and as a family member shared with me, you don’t know what the caregiver is going through that they are not talking about. Now at first, if your loved one is old school, like my mom, they may not understand the change, but keep at it, they’ll appreciate it, even if they don’t say it. I started praying with my mom at night before we go to bed a few months ago and she now enjoys it when I pray. Although, the love on and hug on your caregiver is a hard one sometimes and she doesn’t get it and wants to know what I want. I tell her, I’m just hugging you, just because or because someone I just spoke with said to give her a hug for them. That’s why having a good relationship with your higher power helps because you get intuitive nudges that tell you what to do next or how to handle a situation.
For those who say their loved one has passed before having the chance to forgive. It’s not too late. Sit in nature or go to the cemetery or in your home, think of your loved one with your hands over your heart and just start talking. I recently did this for my dad and my Mema and there was release and forgiveness. The spirit realm is all around us.
Being a caregiver is an emotional rollercoaster. Every day brings a new beginning of happy, sad, anger, frustration, overwhelm, and funny situations. When I first stepped into the role around 2011, I had no clue what I was in for and still don’t know. Every day is an adventure and another chance to try again to connect better. I wish the same for you.
A note about anger. Anger is considered a secondary emotion and is usually masking another emotion, such as sadness, grief, guilt, or worry, etc. so, as you tap, the anger you begin with may shift to another emotion.
Please see my first article, titled, What is EFT Tapping and why does it work, May 2021, for an explanation of EFT Tapping.
Let’s begin to tap!
Side of the hand. Even though I feel this overwhelm at having to take additional measures to keep myself and my family healthy and safe on top of my other priorities, I approve and accept myself
Side of the eye. Even though I feel this overwhelm and I still feel it in my head, I approve and accept myself
Side of the eye. Even though I feel this overwhelm, I approve and accept myself
Top of head. This overwhelm
Eyebrow. This overwhelm that I feel in my head
Side of eye. This overwhelm
Under the eye. This overwhelm that is at an intensity level of 5 (insert your level number)
Under the nose. This overwhelm
Under the lip. This overwhelm in my head
Collar bone. How can I do all that needs to be done?
Tap inner wrists together. This overwhelm
Tap back of wrists together. This overwhelm
Take a deep breath
Let’s do another round of EFT Tapping.
Side of the hand. Even though I feel overwhelmed because I’m not setting clear boundaries, I approve and accept myself
Side of the hand. Even though I feel overwhelmed because I’m not scheduling enough me time, I deeply approve and accept myself
Side of the hand. Even though I feel overwhelmed because I’m not having enough fun and laughing more, I approve and accept myself
Top of head. This overwhelm
Eyebrow. This overwhelm
Side of eye. This overwhelm
Under the eye. Maybe I could schedule some fun me-time
Under the nose. This overwhelm
Under the lip. Maybe I could reach out and ask for help
Collar bone. This overwhelm
Under the arm. Maybe I could lighten up and not be so serious
Tap the inner wrists together. This overwhelm
Tap the back of the wrists together. Overwhelm in my head I acknowledge you
Take a deep cleansing breath.
I want to share 3 discreet EFT Tapping tips to use when in public and you start to feel overwhelmed.
Tap or press your heart or collar bone point while breathing deeply and slowly.
Squeeze the sides of your fingernails of one hand with the index and thumb fingers of the other hand for a few seconds. Start with the thumb, then the index finger, middle finger, ring finger and then finally the pinky. Then do the same for each finger on the opposite hand. You don’t have to say anything. Just think about what is bothering you as you squeeze and deeply and slowly breathe.
The final tip is the gamut point, which is the space on the back of your hand between the ring and pinky fingers. The space between the bones. Press the fingers of the opposite hand in that space, rub, or tap the space. The gamut point is on the triple warmer meridian and helps calm angry feelings, pain, or emotional trauma. This can be done anywhere, anytime. It’s also great to calm an upset toddler.
Feeling great now? I hope you do!!
Are you beginning to see how EFT Tapping can help you and be a valuable addition to your self-care toolbox?
Each month this magazine will feature a new EFT Tapping round or two from Andrea for you to follow along.
Find out more about how Andrea can guide you to embrace change and boldly and joyfully live beyond the expectations of family, society, and culture to live life on your terms at her website, EFT Tapping | Online EFT Classes | Solace4me.
Follow her on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and on her 30-minute online radio program, The Power of EFT Tapping, on Sundays, 12PM EDT, on Live365 Radio Stream - WNJR-Radio.Com | WNJR-Radio.Com (wnjradio.com).
Andrea Lewis, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Andrea D. Lewis is an Accredited Certified Emotional Freedom Technique Practitioner (EFT Tapping) and often states that, "EFT Tapping is an answer to a prayer." She started using EFT Tapping in 2014 when she searched for a way to relieve her fears and worries that often left her feeling reluctant to leave her home to go to work or do other outside activities. She was so encouraged by the results she received from 50 days of 10-15 minutes of daily tapping that she wanted to share this newfound knowledge with others and became certified. EFT Tapping does not do the healing. It just releases the stuck emotional charge of past events to help the body do what it was created to do, which is to heal itself and to enable the person to move forward confidently in life. You can listen to her weekly internet radio program, The Power of EFT Tapping, on Sundays at 12PM EST on wnjr-radio.com. Her mission: To help clients thrive by being emotionally healthy and happily engaged in their life.
