Written by: Imani Missouri, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Coaches are groomed & encouraged to strengthen their listening skills. We come to value its importance and application for both client sessions and also in our personal lives. Not only does active listening signal attentiveness, evoke empathy and presence, but it also provides an open door for revelation if you are keen on the underlying messages. These underlying messages are ones we tend to call coincidence, but there’s no coincidence under the sun; everything has a purpose.
The Center for Creative Leadership notes to have an effective coaching conversation, and one must “remember these 3 guidelines to hold a coaching conversation:
Listen carefully.
Respond thoughtfully.
Resist imposing your own solution.
Additionally, one of ICF’s core competencies is active listening which is the “ability to focus completely on what the client is saying and is not saying, to understand the meaning of what is said in the context of the client's desires, and to support client self-expression. Attends to the client and the client's agenda and not to the coach's agenda for the client.” In addition to being a competency for certification, active listening is an ever-evolving area of both professional and personal development. Pretty much, you can’t get enough of it.
In my adolescent years, I would say, “It’s a sign!” when things appeared to meld together as a confirmation. That was nascent wisdom. I now know there are no coincidences with God. It comes with growth in discernment to not only see the “signs” but also through listening and seeking. As Michael Todd, 1 New York Times bestselling author of Relationship Goals and the lead pastor of Transformation Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma, notes GodSpeaks. Furthermore, Albert Einstein is quoted as saying, “Coincidences are God’s way of remaining anonymous.”
I have found some of this anonymity in my coaching to be communicated through my clients. Some of whom have been vessels for messages from God to me. Unbeknownst to them, things I pondered and sought direction and answers for were being affirmed in our sessions.
Here are three instances when my clients gifted me with Godly affirmation as a result of my active listening. I would like to note that as we celebrate and highlight Black Women’s Equal Pay Day this week that the following lessons came from Black female clients. In addition to reminding me of the importance of representation in this space, they’ve served as a mirror for practicing what I preach:
You can’t pour from an empty cup: I missed the pampering and traveling days I enjoyed pre-pandemic. I would aim to treat myself to a spa day and travel (internationally) at least once per year. That was clearly, and understandably, not attainable with COVID restrictions. The desire to “treat yo’ self” was on pause. One of my clients who live abroad went on a solo trip. She was completely unplugged and reconnecting with nature. As she recalled the exuberation she got from this gift to herself, I journeyed with her. She “did it afraid,” so what was my issue?
Listening to Action: I woke up one morning, prayed, and received the green light to book a flight for a solo trip. I thanked her for her inspiration. I was reminded that faith is greater than fear.
There is strength in vulnerability: Another client was up for her performance review. This is already an anxiety-inducing process. Then you factor in the potential of a performance improvement plan; the inequities in performance improvement plans are real. The underlying concern of this inequity had been internalized, and she was hesitant to articulate her wants, needs, and values. I worked with her to build up the courage to negotiate several things of importance to her. She not only received an increase in a title at her former employer but she also received a promotion at another company closely aligned with her values.
Listening to Action: For a special episode of my podcast, I reflected on the ups and downs in the podcasting journey. It was a vulnerable snapshot, a behind curtain snippet of what got me through the process; faith in action + God in the driver seat (even though sometimes I thought I was in charge).
Self-advocacy is not selfish: Self-advocacy is the ability to communicate your needs. It is not always easy for women of color to do in the workplace, and it also has implications on the health of Black women in particular. Another client was grappling with how to support an elderly family member who wanted to change their health accommodations. It was a stressful period for her and almost threw a wrench in her desire to focus on her own growth. She ultimately decided that her own health was just as important as the health of her family member and freed herself from the burden of being the sole decision-maker in the process. As a result, she got back to her.
Listening to Action: I had an introductory meeting request the morning of an event I was co-hosting with colleagues. The meeting itself wasn’t an issue, but I had to be transparent that my hair was in prep-mode for the evening event, and as such, it may not look as “professional” for a first impression. I extended the opportunity for the person to reschedule.
It was the first time in my career that I directly advocated for my hair. It was a win-win. The other party appreciated my authenticity and transparency, and we are now colleagues. More on the nuances of Black hair in the workplace here.
It was through listening that I was further affirmed, personally and professionally. It wasn’t a coincidence, it was and is God speaking, “Can you hear Me now?” For my fellow coaches out there, listen for the affirmative messages for your own lives with your clients and beyond. Let each one teach one. Coaches need coaching too. God speaks, are you listening?
Imani Missouri, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Imani Missouri is the Principal Owner of Faith Forward LLC, where she leverages the essence of faith to coach leaders toward their purpose. She has a number of faith-centered sub-brands that motivate women of color to reach their full potential in the professional sphere and beyond. Some of which include the Forward 40 (4tea) podcast, which highlights the experiences of 40 women of color on the rise in the nonprofit and social enterprise sectors. She is also the founder of The Forward Academy, a faith-centered professional development platform for women of color seeking to define themselves beyond their titles. Her career spans experience in the nonprofit, community development, and education sector. She currently serves on the Board of Directors for DIFFvelopment, a nonprofit that creates historically and globally conscious Black visionary leaders who believe in Black business, take responsibility for developing solutions to the issues Black people face, and have unshakeable pride and confidence in themselves. She is also a member of the Medal and Nominating Committees for Smith College.
