Empowering parents of tweens and teens to turn stress into calmness and strength. Guide your children to manage transitions with confidence and resilience. Mental fitness will teach you 'how.'
Anxiety is a widespread issue among parents and their teens. Parental anxiety not only affects parents’ well-being but also influences their children. Kids learn to regulate their emotions by observing calm responses from their parents. To address this, parents must prioritize their mental health first. Positive Intelligence offers a pathway to liberation.
Understanding the contagious nature of anxiety
Anxiety is not only an individual experience; it's contagious. Mirror neurons in the brain cause us to mimic the emotional states of those around us. When parents are anxious, their children pick up on these cues. As their kids’ anxiety increases, it creates a chronic cycle that grows more intense over time. Therefore, parents must take proactive steps to regulate their mindsets first.
The role of positive intelligence in managing anxiety
Positive Intelligence (PQ) is a proven and effective operating system. It helps individuals understand and manage their minds for optimal wellness. Positive Intelligence includes positive psychology, neuroscience, cognitive psychology, and performance science. The research is summarized in Shirzad Chamine’s New York Times Best Selling Book, Positive Intelligence.
Techniques for managing the mind: strengthening your mental muscles
Just like the physical body needs exercise to stay healthy and strong, so does the mind. In the practice of mental fitness, there are only three muscles to focus on:
The three mental fitness muscles
Saboteur Interceptor: Saboteurs are the characters in our survival brain responsible for anxiety. We all have the Judge and a mixture of accomplice Saboteurs. The Judge judges self, others, or outcomes and situations. This muscle intercepts the negative internal voices that fuel anxiety. For example:
Hyper-Vigilant Saboteur: This Saboteur relentlessly scans for potential threats and worst-case scenarios. This creates a constant state of alert and anxiety within the family.
Controller Saboteur: This Saboteur focuses on taking charge and controlling situations and others. It leads to increased anxiety when expectations aren't met and boundaries are ignored.
Avoider Saboteur: This 'peacemaker' avoids conflict and procrastinates, causing anxiety from unfinished business.
By understanding our inner saboteurs, we rise above our inner dialogue and reclaim our truest selves. Intercepting our Saboteurs prevents automatic reactions and reduces the impact of anxiety-inducing thoughts.
Self-Command: The Self-Command muscle manages thoughts and emotions in the moment. Key techniques include:
PQ Reps (Positive Intelligence Repetitions): Brief mindful exercises practiced throughout the day. These exercises charge up our prefrontal cortex, where positive emotions live.
Breath Focus: Intentional breathing is an anxiety antidote superpower. Training the mind to strengthen our breath is a worthwhile daily practice.
Body Sensations: Shifting from spinning thoughts to body sensations quiets the anxious mind. Noticing physical sensations like feet on the ground or clothing against the skin.
Visual Focus: Observing textures, colors, or shapes in the environment.
Even as a yoga teacher and daily meditator, I found mental fitness offers a unique approach. We begin each day in the mental fitness gym and train the mind to take essential PQ Reps throughout the day. Like a phone battery that needs to be recharged for peak performance, so do our minds.
Sage: The Sage muscle represents our truest and calmer inner self. It's our source of wisdom, curiosity, and creative thinking. Practicing the Sage Powers helps quiet our Saboteurs and empowers us to regain control over our thoughts and emotions.
The benefits of mental fitness for parents and kids
Clients who practice mental fitness report feeling calmer, more content, and happier. This shift not only benefits the parents but also positively impacts their children. Upgrading our emotional well-being toolkits is essential for handling stress and anxiety.
Real-life examples
These real-life experiences highlight the transformative power of mental fitness:
Lowered Anxiety Levels: One client reported her anxiety levels went from 8 to a manageable 4 on a scale of 10. She noticed significant changes in less than six weeks of mental fitness practice. She enjoyed quality time with her daughters, minus the weight of perfectionism.
Controller Saboteur: A father didn’t realize his controlling nature intimidated his children. He sought to control situations and others out of fear and anxiety. Through mental fitness, he learned how to practice active listening and began to understand his kids' perspectives. This led to more vulnerable communication, less stress, and more trust.
Avoider Saboteur: Another parent feared peer pressure conversations with her teen. She learned that avoiding discomfort ignored the underlying issues and resulted in anxiety. By understanding her Avoider Saboteur’s interference, they started honest dialogues. This strengthened their relationship and reduced anxiety on both sides.
Pleaser Saboteur: A client was a caretaker, a mom, and struggled with her health concerns. Mental fitness allowed her to guiltlessly set boundaries to respect her needs. Her energy levels and optimism returned, allowing her to help others without feeling resentful.
Hyper-Achiever Saboteur: One mom grew up chasing external validation and accolades. She felt better about herself when external reinforcement solidified her worth. She realized she was conditioning her teens to do the same. She began to model celebrating small victories and lowering expectations. Her goal is to scatter different seeds of growth for her kids to nurture.
These examples illustrate how identifying Saboteurs leads to powerful improvements in family relationships. It's never too soon or too late to update our emotional well-being toolkits to manage anxiety.
Rising anxiety in kids
Anxiety among children is on the rise, affecting 25.1% of teens aged 13-18. Factors include modern pressures and the influence of anxious parents. Each Saboteur brings its own baggage into the mix. Located in the survival region of the brain, Saboteurs aim to protect us. However, their best intentions keep us stuck in negativity and limit our growth. Awareness is the first step to real, sustainable change.
Conclusion
Anxiety can feel overwhelming, but it doesn't have to control your life or the lives of your children. Embracing Positive Intelligence and mental fitness is a game-changer. With a daily mental fitness practice focusing on the three core muscles, calm and confidence grow. The ripple effect benefits the entire family. Calm parents create calm kids. Your peace is their sanctuary.
Call to action benefit
Are you curious about which of the Saboteurs are impacting your anxiety levels? Start being the parent you want to be. Contact Barb at barb@imagoodparent.com for the free Saboteur Assessment link.
Read more from Barb Kornbrath
Barb Kornbrath, Certified Positive Intelligence Coach
Barb Kornbrath empowers parents of tweens and teens to manage stress. She helps improve communication, manage anxiety, and nurture emotional intelligence. Using mental fitness techniques, she supports parents in creating resilient, loving family dynamics. Barb transforms parenting challenges into lifelong learning opportunities. Her mission is to promote conscious parenting, one mindset at a time. Happy, thriving parents and kids await!
