Written by: Dr. Ann Moir-Bussy, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world." ‒ Marianne Williamson
By the time we reach mid-life, we have undergone numerous changes and transitions. So, why is it that when women reach menopause, there is such a strong resistance to finally growing up? Resistance to owning all of your womanhood and feminine power? Resistance to becoming pregnant now with your own creativity and inner wisdom and resistance to giving birth to that which will lead and enrich others?
“Your playing small doesn't serve the world."
Let us explore some simple steps to make this change one where you will be surprised by the beauty of its unfolding. And as International Women’s Day draws near, join hands with other women around you and celebrate those women who are preparing to take their place as CRONES – the women crowning their wisdom and sharing it with the world.
Open the gate and step through
Menopause signals that we are standing on the threshold of the afternoon of life. How long will you stand there? Some women are still standing long after menopause has finished, fearing that they are inadequate. Or, maybe hoping for a return to eternal youth.
Yes, opening the gate and stepping through is stepping into the unknown. How many times in your life have you stepped into the unknown? So why do we let fear take over now? You are powerful beyond measure.
Two Tasks
1. Recover your personal authority
Quite simply, this means finding what is true for oneself and then living it in the world. Often in the first half of life, we have been conditioned to fulfil others' expectations of us, and we did this by adapting to the conditions in which we grew up. This might have been our family, school, culture, and so on. And each time we adapted, we gave up some of our own desires or needs and trusted in the authority that was outside of us.
As we enter this new unknown, our soul demands we take back our own authority – note the word authority has the word author within it – we must author our own narrative for the rest of our life. We must become take responsibility for our unfolding.
Angeles Arrien once said, "When you find the courage to change at mid-life, a miracle happens...your character is opened, deepened, strengthened, softened. You return to your soul's highest values. You are now prepared to create your legacy: an imprint of your dream for our world – a dream that can fully come true in the second half of life".
2. Discover a personal spirituality
This task goes hand in hand with recovering your personal authority. Once you step through that gate into the afternoon of life, you must go within – this is the invitation or the demand from our soul. There are life questions waiting for us, and we need to join the conversation.
We are being asked to sort through the possibilities and opportunities for ourselves, to find what is true for us, and not based on what the collective decides we should or should not be or do.
We need to find what feeds our spirit and what symbols enliven us.
Most importantly, this is the time to develop a deep self-compassion for our particular way of being in the world.
This time of menopause is perfect for holding these questions in our heart, for conversing with them, and for being patient towards all that is unsolved in our heart.
Living with the Questions
What has brought you to this place in your journey – this moment of transition?
The physical aspect of menopause may be quite dominant for some, and it is easy to forget the inner work we must do. However, if we do not pause to reflect on this question, then we have let go of any responsibility for our journey, and we join the many women who blame their circumstances or family or partners for how they got here. And even though it is painful to uncover the answers, it is necessary if we want to transform those morning of life experiences into gold for the afternoon of life.
What forces, gods, friends, family, and social environment have framed your reality?
Why do we need to ask this question? Simply, it is because without knowing this, we will be in danger of repeating our wounded history over and over and bringing more trauma into our world rather than bringing healing. Whose life have we been living? If it is not ours, then who did it belong to, and do you want to live with the same limitations for the rest of your one precious life?
If you do not like the life you have been living, then change it, and stop blaming others. Even if they did hurt you, you now have the choice as an adult to change the way you are and to be accountable for your own journey from here.
Why such fear, such belief in your inadequacy?
You are powerful beyond measure unless you remain fixated on what's not working. Menopause is not a disease; it is an initiation into the mysteries of the wise woman. If you do not claim your power, you will continue to blame, to let others dictate how you should be in this most beautiful part of your life. On the other hand, if you have been through the pain of physical childbirth and taken on the beauty of motherhood, then you can again use that same transformative power to give birth to the authentic you and your creativity and wisdom.
To deny your giftedness is to throw your inner gold into the rubbish bin. How sad it is for younger women to see a bitter old woman rather than the woman who scatters treasures of wisdom and grace wherever she goes.
Why do you, as a woman, believe that have to hide so much from yourself or from others?
You may have learned powerlessness and feel you did not have a voice, but at menopause, you must embrace and live the truth of who you really are – a divine being. We are not isolated individuals. We are connected to all other living beings. You are an embodied soul. As you go within, connect to that divine wise woman in you, take her hand, listen to her, and become present in the outer world. You no longer have to do what someone else wants you to do.
Commit to living like a river flows, carried by the surprise of its own unfolding, and then the gift of wisdom will emerge and will show itself to you.
Moving beyond the familiar
You might wonder what enables me to say these things. I have been through this mid-life journey and am now in my elder years as I reach 80 this week. I had to learn all of what I am sharing with you, and as an elder, it is my task to pass this on.
There are many great unknowns on the journey. But, even more importantly, there are so many rich discoveries and so many other beautiful women and men who can support you.
I have been privileged in the last few weeks to write a chapter in a collaborative book along with several other women and one man. The book is titled The Potent Power of Menopause – Globally Diverse Perspectives on Feminine Transformation. My chapter is titled The Journey of Transformation and Initiation. The book is about to be published, and the stories will inspire you on your journey through menopause; and I hope they will encourage you to embrace this stage of life. Please contact me on the links below if you want to be updated and order first.
The Invitation
An excerpt from a poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for,
And if you dare to dream of meeting
Your heart’s belonging.
I want to know if you can be alone
With yourself,
And if you truly like the company you keep
In the empty moments.
And to conclude with where we began:
Your playing small does not serve the world...
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people the
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson
Dr. Ann Moir-Bussy, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
The rich life experience of Dr. Ann Moir-Bussy spans decades of missionary work, teaching, counseling, transformative life coaching, consulting, and becoming a best-selling author.
She worked in schools across Australia and, in particular, in Indigenous schools in the Northern Territory and also trained Chinese students in Hong Kong in counseling and psychology. The founder and editor of the Asia Pacific Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy, Ann, became an editor of the Australian Counselling Research Journal and editor of the Australian Journal of Clinical Hypnotherapy and Hypnosis.
During a life of transitions and transformations to now conscious aging, Ann now brings her dedication and zest to guide women, in particular, to discover renewed clarity, purpose, and direction as they embrace their powerful feminine wisdom and intuition in their afternoon of life. Through her programs, podcasts, coaching, and writing, Ann enables women to develop a strong spiritual leadership that brings transformation in their life, work, and world.
