Written by: Tara Sutorius, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It was a blustery afternoon in Ottawa, Canada, towards the end of November 2020. I was between meetings and deciding what to have for lunch while working from home. My puppy Rosie was nestled beside my desk when the phone rang. It was the Ottawa Hospital calling with some results I had been waiting for.
The verdict: You have some suspicious lesions that need to be removed. We can get you into an operating room for day surgery next Tuesday. It was Thursday. Suddenly my mind was racing. I would be in the hospital in less than a week for surgery. Was I scared? Absolutely. Was I thinking worst case scenario? No.
You see this would be my third surgery in ten years for a variety of health issues, and I knew I was in good hands with my medical team, my support system, my faith, and my growing ease with uncertainty. Also, I had faced many mind, body, and soul challenges over the last decade, and these experiences had shown me that I could recover from unforeseen life challenges and setbacks by leaning into uncertainty.
“Relax” they said before I went into surgery, but it was not really about relaxing into the unknown; rather, it was this deep knowing that I would be alright because I had mental fortitude; I was resilient.
Did you know the opposite of stress is not relaxation – it’s resilience?
resilience
noun - the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, toughness.
I like to think of resilience as our ability to bounce back from adversity, major life changes and to tap into our inner strength to help us recover more quickly.
Picture this: a beautiful bamboo plant can bend and flex, even under extreme hurricane conditions, but it does not break. That’s what a resilient human being is capable of with the right set of habits. Here’s what we also know about building resilience:
You can improve your resilience by how you choose to respond to life
Cultivating healthy habits can help build a strong body, mind, and spirit
Building new daily habits requires consistency and commitment
Consistency takes accountability
Accountability ensures sustained success
In other words, resilience is not something you’re born with. It develops as you grow, evolve, and gain better self-awareness and self-management skills. Resilience is about fluidity, allowing humans to recover their balance even when they’ve been pushed into imbalance.
Did you know some of the benefits of being a resilient human include?
Being at ease with uncertainty
Maintaining equilibrium and balance
Connecting and feeling grounded
Prioritizing your wellness above all else
Aligning your personal core values and choices
Feeling at peace internally
The signs of lack of resilience can look very different and some can include:
Showing up manic or scattered
Seeking validation through external factors
Operating from a place of uncharacteristic negativity
Dealing with fatigue and depression
Feeling uninspired, anxious, or languishing
Recalling the times in my life when I felt super depleted and overwhelmed, I recognize now that I lacked resilience and checked off that entire second list. For example, when my kids were little, I often fretted about everything that could go wrong and obsessed over perfection – perfect home, perfect parenting, perfect career and more. And if things did not live up to my expectations of myself or went sideways, I would become overwhelmed, self-sabotage and quickly start a cycle of wallowing and seeking external validation. Sound familiar? This type of cycle can happen to all of us in different forms.
Over the years, I have made it my mission to master resilience because, after all, you can’t pour from an empty cup. My personal journey started with prioritizing my mind and soul wellness. It started with building my resiliency one tiny habit at a time, and, knowing my “WHY” – my purpose, my raison d’etre so to speak. For me it was leading my life from a set of core values that were my North star including family, balance, wellness and compassion for self and others. Knowing why I wanted to feel my best self help me start to master resilience by:
Developing an emotional connection to my WHY
Taking mindful action daily (i.e. meditation practice)
Visualizing my success (i.e. vision boards and journaling)
Building in accountability (i.e. buddy system)
Repeating daily! (i.e. affirmations)
My WHY: Feeling healthier from the inside out so I can enjoy life to the fullest and operate from a place of gratitude and servant leadership.
So where do YOU want to start? Building resilience can feel overwhelming, but when we start with one tiny habit at a time, we can move the needle over time. Ask yourself, “In what part of my life to I feel the most depleted? In other words, perform a mini audit of your thoughts and behaviours and ask yourself, “Do I want more or less of following”?
Sleep more deeply
Eat more consciously
Move more often
Be more mindful
Feel more positive
Be more connected
Recharge more often
Feel less triggered
Feel less resentful
Do less people pleasing
Do less negative self-talk
Be more intentional daily
Pick one area. Just one. Now, reflect and ask yourself:
What is one small thing I would like to do differently moving forward?
Why does this matter to me?
What would the positive impacts be to myself and to those around me?
What might the costs be to myself and my loved ones if this change does not happen?
For more tips and tricks, check out my Spring 2021 podcast where I go even deeper to share my personal experiences on building my resilience at home and work - one tiny habit at a time.
Take action today: Do you need help building your resilience routine one tiny habit at a time? Contact me for a complimentary coaching call and let’s get started: tara@coachsutorius.com
Tara Sutorius, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
As a certified professional coach trained with Erickson International Coaching, Barrett Values Centre and Career Joy, as well as an accredited PCC-level coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF), Tara Sutorius specializes in helping individuals better understand their personal core values so they may live a more purpose-driven life in alignment with what is most important to them in their personal and professional lives.
Tara is also the Director of Communications at Export Development Canada (EDC) and the founder of “Tara Sutorius Coaching and Wellness” – a coaching company offering compassionate, transformational and values-based personal leadership, career and wellness coaching. Working alongside senior leaders in both the private and public sector for over 20 years, Tara has a keen sense of what is required to be able to connect with one’s personal and professional leadership mission in order to effect meaningful change over the long-term and build greater resiliency both at home and at work.
What Tara loves most about coaching is helping guide individuals through powerful questioning and transformational conversations. Her coaching style is compassionate, action-oriented, motivational, connected and intuitive. She can help guide you to better align your values with your dream job, clarify your passions, set clear goals and take greater ownership of your career and overall wellness.
