Renowned author and coach with a unique blend of experience as a former D1 softball player, Certified Mental Performance Consultant, and a distinguished 15+ years honing the mental toughness and resilience of Soldiers through expert teaching and training. Passionate about empowering today's youth.
Youth sports provide countless opportunities for growth, but they also come with challenges, especially when parents and coaches aren’t on the same page. When parents and coaches work as a team, athletes thrive. Conversely, misalignment can create confusion, stress, and conflict that ultimately affects the athlete’s experience and performance.
A story of conflict turned collaboration
Consider the story of Allie, a talented young soccer player. Her parents were frustrated with the coach’s decision to limit her playing time, believing she wasn’t being given the opportunity to develop her skills. Meanwhile, the coach felt the parents were overly critical and didn’t understand his strategy. After a heated conversation, both sides agreed to meet and openly discuss their concerns. Through honest communication, they aligned on Allie’s development goals, with the coach explaining his rotation strategy and the parents sharing insights about Allie’s strengths and mindset. The result? Allie grew as a player and enjoyed her season more because her support system worked together.
The power of alignment
Parents and coaches share a common goal: to help young athletes grow, improve, and enjoy the sport. When they work together, they create a supportive environment where athletes feel encouraged and empowered.
Alignment ensures that athletes receive consistent guidance, whether it’s on how to approach challenges or how to improve specific skills. It also helps reduce stress for the athlete, as they’re not caught between conflicting expectations from their coach and parents.
How to build a strong partnership
Fostering a productive parent-coach relationship takes effort and understanding. Here’s how parents and coaches can work together effectively:
1. Open communication: Setting clear expectations and goals
Effective communication starts with a willingness to listen. Parents and coaches should have an initial conversation at the start of the season to discuss expectations, goals, and how they can best support the athlete.
Example: A coach might explain their philosophy on playing time and development, while parents can share specific concerns or goals for their child, such as building confidence or improving leadership skills.
2. Respecting roles: Understanding the unique contributions of parents and coaches
Parents and coaches have distinct but complementary roles. Coaches are responsible for instruction, strategy, and on-field decisions, while parents provide emotional support and encouragement off the field.
Tip for parents: Avoid coaching from the sidelines, as this can undermine the coach’s authority and confuse the athlete. Instead, focus on cheering and providing moral support.
Tip for coaches: Be transparent about your decisions and invite parents to ask questions respectfully, creating a foundation of trust.
3. Providing consistent messaging: Aligning what the athlete needs
Consistency between parents and coaches is crucial in ensuring young athletes receive clear and supportive guidance. Misaligned messaging can confuse athletes, create unnecessary stress, and hinder their development. By aligning on key topics, parents and coaches can foster a unified environment where athletes feel secure and confident. Here’s how to address critical areas of alignment:
Playtime expectations
Disagreements over playtime can be a major source of tension. To avoid confusion:
Coaches: Clearly communicate your philosophy on playtime at the beginning of the season. Whether it’s based on skill development, effort, or game strategy, make sure parents understand your decision-making process.
Parents: Emphasize effort and improvement over minutes played. Reinforce that playing time is earned through hard work and a positive attitude.
Example: Instead of saying, “Why didn’t you play more?” after a game, a parent might ask, “How did you feel about your effort today? What do you think you can work on to contribute even more in the next game?”
Behavior and attitude expectations
Athletes benefit from consistent standards of behavior on and off the field.
Coaches: Set clear expectations for sportsmanship, teamwork, and respect at the start of the season. Regularly reinforce these values during practices and games.
Parents: Model the same behaviors at home. Encourage your athletes to take responsibility for their actions, whether it’s showing respect to referees or supporting teammates during tough moments.
Example: If a coach emphasizes positivity and respect, parents can echo this by praising their child for encouraging a teammate or staying composed after a tough call.
Practice attendance and commitment
Attendance and effort in practice are directly tied to skill development and team cohesion.
Coaches: Be transparent about attendance policies and the role of practice in determining playtime or development opportunities.
Parents: Support the coach’s expectations by prioritizing practice attendance and ensuring your athlete arrives on time, prepared, and ready to work.
Tip: If your child must miss practice for a legitimate reason, communicate with the coach in advance. This shows respect for the team and reinforces accountability.
Technical coaching
Athletes need consistent technical guidance to improve their skills, and conflicting advice can lead to confusion.
Coaches: Provide clear, actionable feedback during practices and games. Share your technical goals for the season, whether it’s improving footwork, shooting mechanics, or game IQ.
Parents: Avoid giving technical advice unless asked by the coach. Instead, focus on providing emotional support and celebrating your athlete’s progress.
Example: If your athlete struggles with shooting form in basketball, let the coach provide corrections. Parents can reinforce the effort by saying, “I’m proud of how hard you’re working on your shot. Keep it up!”
By aligning on these critical topics, parents and coaches create a stable foundation for the athlete. Consistent messaging builds trust, reinforces expectations, and provides athletes with the clarity they need to focus on improving their skills, developing character, and enjoying the game. This unified approach allows athletes to thrive in a supportive and harmonious environment.
Toolkit: A conversation guide for parents and coaches
To help parents and coaches navigate their partnership, I’ve created a downloadable conversation guide. It includes:
Parents can ask questions to better understand the coach’s philosophy.
Strategies for coaches to communicate feedback constructively.
Tips for resolving disagreements respectfully.
Click here to download the guide and strengthen your parent-coach relationship today.
Building a strong parent-coach partnership is one of the most impactful ways to support a young athlete’s growth and enjoyment of sports. For more insights and actionable tips, tune into my podcast episode, Strengthen Relationships Between Parents and Coaches, on the Confidant, Calm, and Clutch Car Rides podcast.
By working together, parents and coaches can create an environment where athletes feel supported, confident, and ready to succeed not just in sports but in life.
For more tips on building Confidence, calm, and clutch young athletes, join my newsletter here.
Read more from Valerie Alston
Valerie Alston, Mental Performance and Resilience Coach
Drawing from a rich background as a former D1 softball player and a Certified Mental Performance Consultant, she boasts over 15 years of experience dedicated to teaching and training Soldiers in the intricate art of mental toughness and resilience. As a distinguished author and coach, she brings a unique perspective to the realm of performance enhancement. Currently, her passion lies in empowering today's youth, leveraging her expertise to build and foster resilience through sports and mental toughness training, ensuring the next generation thrives in both their athletic pursuits and broader life challenges. With a comprehensive approach to athlete development, she extends her expertise to parents and coaches. Committed to enhancing understanding, she collaborates with them to impart valuable insights on building the mental toughness of young athletes, fostering an environment that nurtures resilience and unleashes their full potential.
