Written by Sarah Montes, Addiction Counsellor
Sarah Montes is a Lived Experience Addiction Counselor with a rich background in addiction recovery, having transformed her own challenges into a career dedicated to helping others heal and find purpose.
When I started my sobriety journey, I faced a wave of emotions that felt almost unbearable. After years of using substances to numb my feelings, experiencing everything without any filters was overwhelming.
There were days I felt raw, exposed, and terrified of my own reactions. A colleague often says: “We are emotional people who hate our emotions.” This sentiment rings true for so many of us in recovery—feeling deeply is in our nature, yet those same feelings can be painful, messy, and hard to accept. But learning to embrace them has been one of the most valuable parts of my journey.
In this article, I’ll share tips that have helped me and others in sobriety normalize emotions, making them more manageable and a source of strength rather than fear.
Without substances as a buffer, emotions can feel heightened and raw. Without my usual “escape,” every feeling seemed massive and unbearable. I wasn’t used to dealing with anger or sadness, especially without any way to numb them. But over time, I realized that these intense emotions were part of my healing journey.
Recognizing that I wasn’t alone in feeling this way—that others in recovery were feeling these things too—helped me accept the process. If you’re facing these intense feelings, know that it’s normal. It’s a sign that you’re reconnecting with yourself in a deeply powerful way.
Early in recovery, I would often swing between guilt and shame, especially when reflecting on past decisions. Anger was another intense emotion, not only toward myself but toward the world.
These feelings—fear, sadness, shame, joy—are all valid and common in sobriety.
Understanding that others felt this way helped me let go of judgment. My colleague’s words kept me grounded: those of us with addiction tend to hate our own emotions, yet they are at the heart of what makes us human.
Tips for building emotional resilience in sobriety
Acknowledge emotions
Instead of pushing emotions away, I learned to sit with them, even the ones that made me uncomfortable. Reminding myself that all feelings, however difficult, are part of recovery allowed me to experience them fully and release the self-judgment.
Practice self-compassion
I struggled with shame and guilt, often feeling undeserving of compassion. But the truth is, everyone faces difficult emotions. Practicing self-compassion taught me to give myself the same kindness I would offer others, softening my relationship with myself.
Observe without judging
I stopped labelling my emotions as “bad” or “good” and instead saw them as information. This shift allowed me to become an observer of my feelings, reducing self-criticism. Observing my emotions without fear made understanding their role in my journey easier.
Identify triggers
Certain places, people, and situations would trigger intense emotions. Understanding these triggers was crucial in helping me prepare for challenging situations. It allowed me to step back and plan for handling these moments without feeling overwhelmed.
Reframe for growth
I once saw anger, sadness, and shame as obstacles, but through recovery, I began to understand them as necessary for growth. Facing these emotions helped me heal parts of myself I had buried and transformed them into sources of strength.
Remember emotions pass
Early in recovery, I’d often feel trapped in overwhelming emotions. Eventually, I realized that these feelings would pass. Reminding myself that emotions are temporary gave me the patience to sit through hard times without returning to old habits.
Stay mindful
Mindfulness kept me present with my emotions rather than running from them. By focusing on my breath or grounding myself, I could observe feelings without letting them consume me. Mindfulness became an important tool in handling intense emotions.
Build a support network
Talking with others, especially those who understood addiction, helped me normalize my feelings. My support network became a safe place to express myself without fear of judgment, reminding me that these struggles are universal.
Find healthy outlets
Healthy outlets like journaling, exercise, and art allowed me to express intense emotions constructively. These activities helped me workthrough feelings that were too intense to handle alone and gave me relief.
Use coping skills
Building a toolkit of coping skills provided me with confidence and resilience in overwhelming moments. A few examples include:
Deep breathing exercises: Try box breathing (inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four) to calm your nervous system.
Grounding techniques: Use the "5-4-3-2-1" method to bring yourself back to the present: identify five things you see, four you feel, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste.
Visualization: Picture a peaceful place, like a beach or forest, to provide a mental escape when overwhelmed.
Positive affirmations: Affirmations like "I am safe," "This feeling will pass," or "I am capable" remind you of your inner strength.
Celebrate progress
As I became more comfortable with my emotions, I began to celebrate small milestones, like responding with compassion instead of judgment. Recognizing these moments of growth reinforced the idea that emotions, even painful ones, are part of the healing process.
Embrace joy: For a long time, feeling joy felt foreign, and sometimes I’d almost resist it. Embracing positive emotions has been one of the most healing parts of my journey, reminding me that sobriety isn’t just about facing hard things—it’s also about reclaiming happiness.
Start your emotional journey in sobriety with support
Sobriety invites us to face the emotions we once tried to avoid, creating an opportunity to build resilience and rediscover our authentic selves. If you're finding this journey challenging, know that you're not alone. I’m here to support and guide you through this transformative process. Together, we can find healing, strength, and hope.
Reach out to start your journey toward emotional resilience and lasting recovery. Email us here!
Read more from Sarah Montes
Sarah Montes, Addiction Counsellor
Sarah Montes, founder and CEO of Sarah Montes Recovery Services, is a Lived Experience Addiction Counselor with a profound understanding of the complexities of addiction and recovery. Having overcome personal struggles, she has held pivotal roles in withdrawal management and residential treatment centers. Her work, infused with deep empathy and unwavering commitment, extends beyond her practice to other clinics and treatment centres, where she supports individuals, families, and communities on their journeys to healing.
