Written by: Christopher H. McKinney Sr., Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you ever been in a position where you were on the way somewhere but were not quite there yet? You feel you have the goods; you just need a shot. You are easily frustrated because you see others getting their shot and opportunity you think you should be getting. And this causes your frustration level to rise even higher.
Chris, I don't follow. Okay, cool, I'll slow down.
Have you been in a place where you had been putting in work to become the best at what you do, but you hadn't yet got your break? And as you looked around, your peers were getting their breaks and excelling. And while you were happy for your peers, your yearning only grew stronger. But you do not control the lever that opens the door to your opportunity. This drives your frustration.
Have you ever been in a time and space like this? What do you do in that situation?
You know you are on a path to success in a particular position or role, but you are not quite there. If we are honest, there is still a considerable distance between where we currently are and where we desire to be. Yet as we look around, our peers continue advancing and excelling. We acknowledge they are gifted and deserve all the fruits of their labor, yet we know in our heart of hearts that we are skilled and talented too. But our time has yet to come.
This is what I term the "Gap Period."
The Gap Period can be very frustrating. I had these periods during my 30-year military career, when I was the CEO of a regional agency, and even now, as I run my own consulting company. This is a part of life on planet Earth. But if we are not careful, these periods can drop seeds of resentment, jealousy, and envy into the soil of our minds to germinate and grow. And if we are not careful, they can become traps that cause us to self-sabotage.
In a Gap Period, getting into a comparison game is really, really, really easy, which is a losing situation. As a young noncommissioned officer, I vividly remember two situations where I said, "I feel stuck! I know I can lead at a higher level. And I know I'm a better leader than the current person." Maybe you were not as self-confident (arrogant, cocky, full of it, etc.) as I was, but that is where I was. And this is where self-sabotage starts to show up. Wrong thinking (“I’m stuck” or “I’m better”) can begin a series of decisions that can lead to a series of unfortunate events.
It Is NOT A Zero-Sum Game
I want to stop and foot stomp "self-sabotage." I did not say sabotage from an enemy. We can get in our way and mess things up for ourselves. In my scenario, if I start bad-mouthing my leadership or walking around like I am God's gift to my organization, I will quickly begin to lose favor with my leadership. This is where a series of unfortunate events can begin, ultimately leading to losing out on opportunities.
In later years, I learned it was NOT a zero-sum game. There is more than enough space for everyone to excel and reap the associated rewards. New York Times best-selling author Adam Grant (Think Again) posted on Twitter, “If you see success as a zero-sum game, life becomes a series of cutthroat competitions. You reach the top by taking others down. If you see the possibility of mutual benefit, your goals shift from crushing the competition to making a contribution. You rise by lifting others up.” But in my first Gap Period, I did not understand that fact. My immaturity and lack of emotional intelligence led to a frank one-way conversation with my boss.
So, how do we stay on track? How do we not become jealous? How do we avoid feeling bitter? How do we ultimately avoid self-sabotage?
Step 1 – Self-Awareness
We have to be aware of how we feel. If we do not take the time to figure out why we may feel bitterness, jealousy, etc., we are like a 5-year-old walking around with a loaded gun. We are extremely dangerous because we don’t know the damage we could inflict, even to ourselves, nor are we capable of properly controlling the weapon. Our emotionally driven words can cause significant harm. This is why emotional intelligence is critical. We must be aware of our feelings, self-manage, and make solid choices. If this is a weak area, please do your work to get better. I encourage you to seek help from a coach, therapist, or both.
Step 2 – Celebrate Others
Step 2 is only possible with Step 1. During any Gap Period, a high level of emotional intelligence is required. To execute this step, we must be socially aware of what is happening around us based on how we respond and interact. Once aware, we have the opportunity to manage those relationships to achieve effective outcomes. Effective management of said relationships does not include envy, bitterness, and jealousy.
Celebrating others, when genuine, is highly effective in helping shift to the positive and effectively managing relationships. In the Brainz article, "The Benefits of Celebrating Other’s Success” Terrie Nathan states, “Our success blesses others, and other people's success blesses us. The truth is that everyone can fulfill their potential with no one else being cheated. We don't succeed at the expense of others but rather in service of others.” If we celebrate others sincerely, we may gain additional insight into how to improve. But even if we do not gain new insight, we sow seeds of harmony and collaboration, which bring a harvest in the future. Additionally, we will want others to clap for us when our time comes, so we should treat people how we desire to be treated.
Success that you have not been groomed for is like birthing a baby prematurely.
Step 3 – Keep My Hand To The Plow
In the “Gap Period," we are set up for success if we truly embrace that it is not a zero-sum game. We must understand that when others advance, it is highly likely due to opportunity colliding with preparation. This means we need to keep working, growing, and preparing. What does that look like? We continue to read books and take notes. We continue to attend workshops or conferences to develop. We continue to transcribe those notes once we get home and apply them. We get coaching in areas where we know we need to grow. We continue to stretch into the “uncomfortable zone.” We continue to give our best at work on any task, no matter how small. We continue to work on becoming a “subject matter expert” (SME) by reading articles. Now is not the time to look left or right. We celebrate others, then we keep our heads down and focus on what we must do to be ready when the time comes. If you stay ready, you'll be ready!
Understand and know that when it is your time, you are the only person who can stop you. But it is NOT your time if the door has yet to open. Be patient. Your time will come. Keep your hand on the plow. Keep honing your skills.
Step 4 – Fully Step Into Our Opportunity
Bishop TD Jakes said, "Success that you have not been groomed for is like birthing a baby prematurely. The chances for survival go down the earlier it is exposed." If we go through the process, we will be ready when our time comes. Which means we can fully step into and embrace the opportunity. Bishop Jakes also said, "When you are strong enough to withstand the elements to which you will be exposed, you will be revealed."
Don't be shy or hesitate when it is your time. Hit the gas! You will know it’s your time because you likely will not have to force the door open. Typically, when you are ready, the door opens, the Law of Cause and Effect, but that is an entirely different conversation.
My company 10X Leadership Consulting works with businesses and organizations to identify and diagnose critical issues that impede development and growth. We can help in many areas, but we specialize in 1) Strategy Development, 2) Culture Development, 3) Change Management, 4) Talent Optimization 5) Custom Workshops. If we can ever be of assistance to you, reach out. Further, if you are searching for a dynamic speaker to enhance your conference, we will make a perfect addition to your roster. You can click the logo below.
I appreciate your time and attention. I wish you the best in your “Gap Period!” YOU matter, and the world needs YOU because “YOU have a gift the world needs!”
Christopher H. McKinney Sr., Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Chris is the founder and CEO of 10X Leadership Consulting (10XLC). 10XLC is a premier consulting company that identifies and diagnoses issues that impede the development and growth of businesses. 10XLC specializes in strategy, leadership, and culture development. Chris is also a co-author of the book “Triumphant Transitions” published by Trilogy Publishing.
As a 30-year Air Force veteran, he developed the mantras “Leadership is relentless!” and “When you add value, you become invaluable.” Both were key beacons that helped him navigate and have highly successful careers in two different industries. Success for Chris is seeing people around him grow, evolve, and become effective when they gain a seat at the table. His mindset is for his life to be at its fullest, others must release their gift(s) into the world. By releasing their gift(s), the world is made more complete.
