Breaking Free from ADHD And How to Stop the Lies Your Brain Tells You
- Brainz Magazine
- Jan 22
- 9 min read
Bari Fischer is the CEO and founder of Impulsively Aware. She is a leading ADHD & Executive Function Coach, renowned for transforming challenges into strengths through personalized strategies and support, and the creator of impactful, empowering coaching experiences.
Living with ADHD means your brain is often running a million miles an hour, juggling thoughts, emotions, and actions. Toss in cognitive distortions, those pesky negative thinking patterns, and it’s like adding fuel to the chaos. Cognitive distortions thrive in ADHD brains, amplifying feelings of shame, self-doubt, and frustration.
The good news? Once you understand how these sneaky patterns work, you can challenge them and take back control.
What are cognitive distortions (a.k.a. negative thinking patterns)?
Think of cognitive distortions as the brain’s version of fake news. They’re automatic, negative, and full of lies about what’s actually happening. For ADHD brains, they often feel like “truth bombs” because intense emotions make them seem real, but in reality, they’re just noise.
Let’s dive into some of the most common distortions, how they show up in ADHD brains, and what you can do to tackle them:
1. All-or-nothing/black-or-white thinking: A common ADHD thought trap
What it is: Seeing everything in extremes: black or white, perfect or total disaster, all or nothingm no shades of gray.
ADHD twist: For ADHD brains, this shows up as perfection or bust. You miss one deadline, and suddenly it’s, “I’ll never succeed at anything ever again.” Forget a task? Clearly, you’re not just forgetful, you’re a disaster. This distortion loves to ignore context. For example, maybe you had a crazy week, or perhaps you’ve got too much on your plate, but your brain skips that and labels you as incompetent instead.
How to tackle it: Look for the middle ground (yes, it exists). Ask yourself, “What’s one thing I actually did right here?” Spoiler alert: there’s always something.
2. Overgeneralization
What it is: Taking one bad moment and turning it into an “always” or “never” rule.
ADHD twist: ADHD brains love to jump from one bad moment to a lifetime of doom. Lose your keys once? “I’ll never get organized.” Spill coffee on your shirt? “I’m always a mess.” It’s like your brain becomes a drama queen, turning an isolated event into a recurring disaster narrative. These patterns make you feel stuck, as if every mistake is inevitable and permanent.
How to tackle it: Ask, “Is this really true every single time?” Spoiler: It’s not. Then reframe it: “I lost my keys today, but I can figure out a system to keep them in one place.”
3. Catastrophizing
What it is: Playing the worst-case scenario movie in your head on repeat.
ADHD twist: For ADHD, this is next-level doom scrolling, but in your brain. Being late to a meeting doesn’t just mean apologizing; it spirals into, “I’ll lose my job, I’ll never recover, and I’ll end up homeless.” Your brain fast-forwards to the absolute worst-case scenario without hitting pause to consider what’s actually happening. This mental movie is exhausting and overwhelming, leaving you too paralyzed to act.
How to tackle it: Pause. Ask yourself, “What’s the best outcome? What’s the worst outcome? And what’s the most likely outcome?” Nine times out of ten, it’s not nearly as bad as your brain wants you to believe.
4. “Should” statements
What it is: Setting rigid expectations for yourself (or others) and feeling guilty when you fall short.
ADHD twist: ADHD brains are particularly brutal with “shoulds.” “I should have a spotless desk.” “I should be able to exercise daily.” The moment reality doesn’t match this impossible standard, you get hit with a guilt spiral, because ADHD loves to ignore all the progress you have made and focus on what’s missing. Plus, “should” statements often come from other people’s expectations, not your own priorities.
How to tackle it: Swap “should” for “could.” For example, “I could aim to tidy my desk this week” feels way more realistic and empowering than demanding perfection.
5. Labeling
What it is: Slapping yourself (or someone else) with a harsh, all-encompassing label based on one mistake.
ADHD twist: You forget an appointment, and instead of thinking, “Oops, I made a mistake,” your brain goes straight to, “I’m so irresponsible.” Miss a deadline? Now you’re “lazy” or “an idiot.” ADHD brains struggle with separating what you do from who you are, so small errors snowball into an unfair and inaccurate judgment of your entire character.
How to tackle it: Remind yourself that actions don’t define people. Forgetting doesn’t make you lazy; it just means you’re human. Try saying, “I forgot this time, but I can set a reminder next time.”
6. Jumping to conclusions
What it is: Making assumptions without evidence.
Mind-reading: “They must think I’m lazy.”
Fortune-telling: “I’ll never finish this project.”
ADHD twist: Social anxiety and low self-confidence make this one especially sneaky for ADHDers. Your brain convinces you that you already know what’s going to happen, whether it’s failing a task or being judged by others. Spoiler: You don’t. But these assumptions feel so real that you act as if they’re true, which holds you back.
How to tackle it: Ask, “What’s the proof?” or “What else could be true here?” Shifting your perspective gives you room to breathe and reevaluate.
7. Discounting the positive
What it is: Ignoring your wins or treating them like they don’t count.
ADHD twist: ADHD brains are experts at minimizing success. Finish a big project? “Anyone could’ve done that.” Organize your workspace? “It doesn’t count, it took forever.” It’s as if your brain doesn’t let you celebrate because it’s too busy moving on to the next problem. Over time, this leaves you feeling like you never accomplish anything, even when you do.
How to tackle it: Keep a “wins” list and revisit it often. It doesn’t matter how small the win is, it counts, and it deserves to be celebrated.
8. Blame and personalization
What it is: Taking too much (or too little) responsibility for something.
ADHD twist: ADHD brains tend to over-apologize or over-own situations. Someone gets upset, and your brain jumps to, “If I hadn’t said that, they wouldn’t be mad.” You take on all the blame, even when the situation isn’t fully in your control. On the flip side, ADHD can also lead to avoiding responsibility entirely, blaming external factors instead of looking at your role.
How to tackle it: Ask, “What’s really within my control here?” and “Am I taking on more blame than I should?”
9. Emotional reasoning
What it is: Believing your feelings = facts.
ADHD twist: ADHD makes feelings big. If you feel overwhelmed, your brain says, “I’m failing at everything.” Anxiety? “I’m falling apart.” Intense emotions can trick you into thinking they reflect reality. You might also believe, “If I’m this mad, I must have a valid reason,” even if you’re overreacting. ADHD’s emotional intensity makes it hard to separate feelings from facts, leading to overreactions.
How to tackle it: Remind yourself, “Feelings aren’t facts.” Pause, take a breath, and look for actual evidence. Odds are your brain is exaggerating.
10. Mental filter
What it is: Focusing on the bad while ignoring the good.
ADHD twist: ADHD brains are pros at this. Got a 95% on a test? You can’t stop obsessing over the 5% you missed. It’s like having blinders on for all the positives in your life because the negatives seem so much louder. This constant focus on flaws makes it harder to feel proud of your accomplishments.
How to tackle it: At the end of each day, write down three good things, no matter how small. Practicing positivity may feel weird at first, but over time, it’ll retrain your brain to notice the good more naturally.
Why cognitive distortions thrive in ADHD brains
ADHD brains are wired to think fast, feel deeply, and react impulsively. These traits, while not inherently bad, create fertile ground for cognitive distortions. Here’s why:
1. Hyperactive emotional centers
People with ADHD have more active amygdalas, the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions, especially fear and anxiety. This overactivation can make negative emotions feel more intense and persistent, feeding distortions like catastrophizing and emotional reasoning.
2. Executive function challenges
Executive function issues mean that pausing, reflecting, and re-evaluating thoughts don’t come naturally. Instead, ADHD brains tend to jump to conclusions or stick with the first thought that pops up, even if it’s unhelpful.
3. Sensitivity to rejection and criticism
Many people with ADHD struggle with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), which makes perceived criticism or failure feel unbearable. This heightened sensitivity often leads to black-and-white thinking, personalization, and magnifying mistakes.
4. Impaired working memory
ADHD impacts working memory, the ability to hold and manipulate information in the moment. This makes it hard to balance the full picture, leading to mental filters that focus on negatives while ignoring positives.
5. Dopamine deficiency
Dopamine, the brain’s reward chemical, is often in short supply for ADHD brains. Low dopamine levels can amplify feelings of boredom, inadequacy, and frustration, making cognitive distortions more frequent and harder to combat.
6. Anxiety’s amplifying effect
ADHD and anxiety often go hand in hand. Anxiety acts like a distortion magnifier, making small worries spiral into catastrophic predictions and exaggerated fears.
The combination of these factors creates a perfect storm for cognitive distortions to thrive, leaving ADHD brains feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and unable to see their own strengths.
How to identify cognitive distortions
The first step to beating these lies? Spotting them. Here’s how:
Track your thoughts: Keep a thought log for a week. Every time you notice yourself feeling down, write down the thought that triggered it.
Label the distortion: Use a checklist of distortions (e.g., catastrophizing, labeling) to identify the culprit.
Ask yourself questions to challenge the thought:
Is this thought based on fact or assumption?
What evidence supports or contradicts this thought?
Am I jumping to conclusions without proof?
Would I talk to a friend the way I’m talking to myself?
What’s the worst-case scenario, and how likely is it to happen?
Is there a more positive or neutral way to view this situation?
What would I say to someone else if they had this thought?
How does this thought make me feel, and is it helpful to keep thinking it?
Example: Instead of “I’m terrible at time management,” ask, “Have I ever managed my time well? What helped me succeed?” Reflecting on past wins helps you counteract negative thinking.
Practical strategies to challenge cognitive distortions
Rewriting these thought patterns takes time and practice, but it’s doable. Let’s explore some fresh ideas that work specifically for ADHD brains:
1. Name it something silly
When you notice a distortion, give it a ridiculous name, like “Doom and Gloom Don” or “Negative Nancy.” Naming it something playful can help take away its power and remind you it’s just a thought, not reality.
2. Time-limit the spiral
If your brain starts catastrophizing, set a timer for five minutes to let it spiral, then stop. Tell yourself, “That’s enough airtime for this thought. Moving on.” ADHD brains love structure, even for negative thoughts.
3. Flip the script
ADHD brains thrive on creative reframing. Take a negative thought and rewrite it as a wild, exaggerated positive. For example, “I’ll fail this project” becomes, “I’m about to win an award for this genius idea.” It might feel silly, but it can shift your mood.
4. Create a distortion playlist
Music helps ADHD brains focus. Make a playlist of songs that counteract specific distortions. Feeling stuck in all-or-nothing thinking? Add an empowering anthem like Eye of the Tiger.
5. Text a truth-teller
ADHD thrives on external accountability. When a distortion strikes, text a trusted friend or coach with your thoughts. They can help you check reality and remind you of the bigger picture.
6. Keep a "wins journal"
ADHD brains tend to forget the good stuff. Keep a running list of wins, big or small, to counteract distortions like discounting the positive. Flip through it when negativity creeps in.
Turning awareness into action
No one’s expecting perfection; it’s all about progress. By learning to spot and challenge cognitive distortions, you can change your inner dialogue from critical to compassionate. That shift can make a huge difference for ADHD brains, leading to greater self-confidence, emotional balance, and success in your goals.
Remember: Your thoughts aren’t always facts. With practice, you can retrain your brain to focus on what’s real and what’s helpful.
Call to action
Tired of your brain convincing you that you’re not good enough? Let’s tackle those sneaky distortions together. You don’t have to navigate this alone. These strategies are just the beginning. If you’re ready for real, personalized support to challenge negative thought patterns and reclaim control of your ADHD brain, reach out! I’d love to explore how ADHD coaching can help you thrive. Let’s turn those persistent lies into empowering truths and start seeing real change.
Bari Fischer, ADHD & Executive Function Coach
As an ADHD & Executive Function Coach, Bari is dedicated to guiding individuals on a journey of self-discovery, rooted in honesty, trust, and meaningful conversations. She works closely with clients to navigate the intricate dance of life's choices and consequences, shining a light on their strengths and celebrating every achievement along the way. This path is more than just ticking off milestones; it's about stepping into the lead role of one's own life story, understanding and embracing one's unique brain wiring. With Bari, the coaching journey is an exploration of discovery, growth, and the joy found in every step forward.
.jpg)