Written by: Sarah Moody, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Do you feel like you’re living on a hamster wheel?
Do you wake up in the morning and already feel tired?
Do you notice yourself snapping at your loved ones more often than you mean to?
These are all signs that you are burned the f*ck out!.
WebMD defines burnout as "a form of exhaustion caused by constantly feeling swamped... a result of excessive and prolonged emotional, physical, and mental stress. In many cases, burnout is related to one's job."
In 2020, Spring Health reported a survey in which 76% of American workers experienced burnout… and that was just at the start of the Covid Pandemic.
I believe we’re entering a phase of a ‘Burnout Pandemic.’
And a huge contributor to burnout is our inability to say no and set boundaries at work.
There are times when we really want to say no, because we want to have a life outside of work: to travel, exercise, spend time with friends, and get 8 hours of sleep a night!
But why does it feel so hard to say no?
For most of us, saying no at work comes with feelings of fear about what our brain thinks the repercussions are when saying no. These feelings are uncomfortable.
This leads us to believe things like:
“I can’t say no because I don’t want to be perceived as the “problem” on the team”
“I can’t say no because I don’t want to be seen as unreliable or untrustworthy”
“I can’t say no because I want to make everyone happy”
It makes sense that you don’t want to say no for these two reasons:
First, your brain is hard-wired for negativity.
It thinks that if you say no then the worst possible outcome and your fears will occur (i.e. you’ll be the problem teammate, you won’t get that promotion, you won’t be trusted by your coworkers, etc.). These bring up feelings of massive shame and anxiety.
The second reason you don’t want to say no is because of social conditioning.
Most of us were raised to be polite and told that the more selfless we are the more valuable we are to society.
Our brain is making up useless “stories” that if we say no then we are selfish and rude.
And our brain is hard-wired to believe that if those things are true then we’ll be kicked off the team, or no longer be trusted.
BUT if you end up saying ‘yes’ when really you want to say ‘no’ then you’re just people-pleasing. Which is flat-out lying to yourself and others because you really don’t want to do the thing. This results in major self-sacrifice and self-neglect.
There’s nothing wrong with doing things for others, but we can’t do that if we don’t fulfill our own needs first.
Here are 3 simple tools you can use to practice saying no and still feel respected, reliable, and like you’re an amazing part of your team.
First, slow down, assess the work, and make a decision.
This will calm your brain down.
Next, think of your response at work as saying ‘no, and…’
“No, it’s not a priority right now, I’m already working on all of this other P1s”
“No, I can’t work on it right now but let’s look at next month and reassess.”
“No, I can’t complete it in the time frame you’re requesting, but I can do it in a different time frame.”
These answers will help your brain feel safe while also saying no.
The second tool is to use a Bridging Thought. Something like:
“I’m open to believing I can say no at work and still be trusted.”
You’ll know the Bridging Thought is useful by how it feels in your body; like a sigh, or an opening.
The last tool is to process the negative feelings surrounding the idea of saying no. Notice what comes up for you when you want to say no, but feel that you can’t.
Anxiety, stress, overwhelm, exhaustion – whatever the feeling is, allow yourself to feel the sensation through your body.
Close your eyes and breathe as you notice the sensation move from the top of your head all the way through your body.
Know that it is going to be okay. Trust that you made the right decision even if your team member or boss is upset.
Remember, every thought in your brain is optional. And so you get to decide what ‘no’ means.
I encourage you to think of ‘no’ as just a neutral two-letter word. To think of ‘no’ as an opportunity to exercise, walk your dog, spend time with loved ones, or get a great night's sleep!
If you want to hear some more examples and tools to implement setting boundaries in your life, listen to my podcast: Say No + Be Trusted.
Sarah Moody, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Sarah is the only certified coach who:
Recovered from decades of anorexia and bulimia.
Has been a tech veteran for the past 20 years and started a company from scratch after getting fired from a job in 2001. Clients are some of the largest software enterprises in the world, and the company has grown by over 400% in revenue.
Has coached hundreds of clients and is on a mission to help other high achievers like herself, break through burnout and bring magic back into their career and life.
