K. Joia Houheneka is a global leader in luxury entrepreneurship. She is the founder of Club Elevate+Aspire+, an application-only exclusive community for entrepreneurs building high-end, premium, and/or luxury businesses.
Status. People crave it, clamor for it, even kill for it – though few willingly admit its central importance in their lives. Status is indeed an ethically murky concept, but when properly understood and contextualized, it does have its place. And if attaining a higher status would be beneficial to your life and career, there is a power move (backed by scientific research) you can bring into action today.
“Shatter ‘the rules’, then create your own. Continuously. This is the ultimate status” (From “Paradoxical Luxury” by K. Joia Houheneka)
My work primarily deals in luxury strategy for entrepreneurs. For many, luxury and the display of status are regarded as essentially one and the same.
This is problematic for me, as I regard the whole idea of status with ambivalence.
In fact, before I started my luxury travel agency business, Delve Travel, I used to look down with a sense of righteousness on those I saw engaged in status-seeking. “Caring so much about status is foolish, if not evil,” I would have said. (This, of course, was just a way of asserting status myself, though I would have never seen it that way at the time).
Since then, I’ve come to appreciate that although certain quests for status are dubious if not dangerous, there are important ways that status does and should matter.
I’ve also come to learn how anyone can instantly boost their status, and live with greater excellence because of it.
Status as stature: Clarifying the complexities of our worth in relation to others
To make this clear, let’s start with some definitions:
From Merriam-Webster: “Status” (noun) is position or rank in relation to others or relative rank in a hierarchy of prestige, especially: high prestige. Also, a state or condition with respect to circumstances.
Essentially, “status” refers to your place or standing in society, how valuable or important you are in the eyes of others.
Interestingly, different societies have granted high status to different kinds of people, e.g., successful hunters, brave warriors, fertile virgins, those of aristocratic family lineage, etc. In our modern-day society, status is often granted to those with “powerful” career positions and/or extensive financial means, i.e., the spending power of the wealthy.
Status is attractive because it brings many of the benefits that society can offer: exclusive opportunities, resources, comfort, free time, attention, respect, the sense that you are supported, appreciated, admired, and cared for.
Status matters because at a fundamental level, we are social beings. But herein lies the rub: we are not only social beings but individual beings as well, status becomes a problem when we use it as a proxy for self-esteem, which should not be a matter of society’s judgment but of our own individual judgment according to reality-based standards.
Let’s clarify this further.
Status matters because we thrive by living as members of a society. How we are perceived by society and our reputation makes a difference to the life we will be able to live as part of that society. Belonging is a value.
Simultaneously, as human beings we are not only the most social but also the most individual of all living organisms. We are each of us unique in our personalities, our experiences, our thinking, our convictions, our priorities. Each of us has a unique potential we must aim to self-actualize if we are to flourish, and the passionate quest for our own potential will make us different from everyone else. In this sense, being an outlier is also a value.
(One of the most important patterns I’ve noticed about excellence that occurs across time and cultures is the accomplishment of harmonizing seeming opposites, or at least of holding them both in tension if not moving through them as through an upward spiral. So perhaps it’s no surprise that luxury succeeds by mastering seeming paradoxes, such as the both-and of the social AND the individual or belonging AND being an outlier).
Unfortunately for many, the pursuit of status is fueled merely by a lack of self-esteem. If someone doesn’t feel competent and/or worthy, they might try to compensate by seeking validation from others. Ultimately, however, self-esteem can only come from your own judgment that you are on a right and good path. As I have stated in a previous article:
“If you are on the path of trying earnestly to do good, to live mindfully, to take responsibility for your choices and actions, to respect the dignity and rights of others, to strive to achieve your potential and bliss, then you have a solid basis for self-worth. Make this your inner wellspring.”
That said, once you are on the path of satisfying your self-esteem need, how you show up in relationships with others does matter.
When it comes to status, especially for those of us who are entrepreneurs and/or rising in our careers, we want to signal to others and quickly! the value of the expertise, knowledge, skills, and unique authority we bring to the table, not to mention the hard-won virtues of character we’ve achieved.
However, we don’t want to fall into the status trap of conforming for conformity’s sake, of pursuing something simply because it’s popular, or of basing our sense of worthiness merely on others’ nod of approval. We don’t want the pursuit of status to land us merely among the status quo.
Or worse, we don’t want to play status games that reinforce a false and damaging scarcity mindset and worldview. Our ability to rise doesn’t need to and shouldn’t come at the expense of anyone else. Further, status shouldn’t come from evil predatory behaviors that wield coercion, manipulation, and or violence over others. That which is immoral should immediately be deemed as “low status” (even though this hasn’t been and still isn’t the case in many societies.)
I have found it useful to draw a distinction between “status” and “stature” and to grant true “status” to only those who have earned “stature”.
As I see it, “stature” conveys a sense of achievement and growth based on objective, reality-based standards. For example, someone who has published multiple books has stature over someone who wishes to be an author but has yet to complete a draft. Or a black-belt expert martial artist has stature over a white-belt beginner taking a first class.
Also, “stature” conveys a sense of gravitas and moral dignity. If someone attempts to get ahead through lying, cheating, force, or worse, they’ve betrayed any “stature” they might have attained. Nor should they thus be rewarded with “status”.
How to boost your status right now
Now that we’ve untangled some of the complexities of status and its true value, let’s examine a way you can boost your status right away today if you wish.
The principle is this: be a super-ethical rule-breaker.
(It sounds like a paradox, I know. Didn’t I already mention how luxury and excellence are brimming with seeming paradoxes?)
How this works (and why)
1. Be a rule-breaker
You might think that if you wanted to get ahead in society, the best way to proceed would be to follow all the norms and conventions of your society. In fact, many people try to climb a “ladder of success” by doing “all the things you’re supposed to do.”
This would be wrong. In fact, scientific research suggests it’s the exact opposite.
In an academic article entitled “The Red Sneakers Effect: Inferring Status and Competence from Signals of Nonconformity,” authors S. Belleza et al. determined that:
“Nonconforming behaviors, as costly and visible signals, can act as a particular form of conspicuous consumption and lead to positive inferences of status and competence in the eyes of others. A series of studies demonstrate that people confer higher status and competence to nonconforming rather than conforming individuals.”
Belleza et al. studied situations including a shopper wearing gym clothes rather than an elegant outfit to a luxury boutique, a participant in an MIT $100K business competition utilizing his own slide presentation layout rather than the MIT official layout, and a professor wearing red sneakers teaching in the classroom. They determined that:
“We demonstrate that nonconformity can fuel perceptions of status and competence in the eyes of others because deviating from the norm signals that one has the autonomy needed to act according to one’s own inclinations and to bear the cost of nonconformity.”
Now there are some caveats. For example, the inference of status disappears if the behavior is judged to be non-intentional or done without knowledge of the established norms. Further, the studies were performed in social contexts in which autonomy, independence, and uniqueness are valued. (For more detail, be sure to read the whole article.)
The overarching conclusion, however, is clear: if you’re perceived as someone who knows the rules, yet breaks the rules, the inference is that you can afford to do so. This makes you someone of status.
So, go break some rules.
The question, of course, is: which rules should you break?
This leads to our second consideration:
2. Be super-ethical
In breaking the rules, you want to be not only basically ethical, but moreover super-ethical.
By “basically ethical,” I mean you’re not going to break moral rules and perform disdainful acts. You’re not going to break the golden rule. You’re not going to steal or rape or pillage or kill. You’re not going to violate standards of honesty, integrity, or justice.
But this is just a bare minimum.
You’re also going to go beyond the basics of not doing wrong to do something especially worthy and worthwhile.
The simplest, most straightforward way to do this (that you can do right now this instant) is: to commit yourself to a mission.
What is your mission?
(And don’t worry if it’s not perfectly stated or fully conceptualized – your mission can and should evolve over time).
Your mission is how you raise your daily living to a higher principle and way of being. It comes from reflecting on your values and the change you want to see in the world around you. It comes from identifying your passions and strengths and choosing a way you can be a unique force of positive influence in the universe.
Your mission transcends your mere mortal life. And it elevates your singular life to higher greatness. As it turns out, self-actualization and self-transcendence are ultimately one and the same. (Yes, another one of those seeming paradoxes of excellence)
As even Abraham Maslow (the psychologist famous for the hierarchy of needs culminating in self-actualization) observed:
“[The self-actualizing individual in peak experiences] feels more integrated (unified, whole, all-of-a-piece), than at other times. He also looks (to the observer) more integrated in various ways… more at peace with himself, less split between an experiencing-self and an observing-self, more one-pointed, more harmoniously organized… As he gets to be more purely and singly himself, he is more able to fuse with the world, with what was formerly not self…the creator becomes one with his work being created”
Significantly, the very act of directing your life toward a highly ambitious mission raises your status. High-status individuals think grand thoughts and work vigorously to solve billion-dollar problems. Their identity is something bigger than their personal issues.
Further, your mission becomes your gauge for breaking rules of convention. Your mission becomes its own organizing principle. From the lofty vantage point of your mission, you will see that certain status quo norms, expectations, and conventional practices don’t measure up. These are the first rules you must break.
(As an example, a luxury business strategy frequently requires an approach that’s the exact opposite of conventional mass-market business advice. In fact, leading luxury experts Jean-Noël Kapferer and Vincent Bastien compiled 24 “anti-laws” of luxury marketing).
The rules in attaining mastery: The ancient Japanese concept of Shu Ha Ri
Interestingly, although the research and insights cited above come from a contemporary Western social context, they dovetail almost perfectly with ancient Eastern wisdom, specifically the Japanese martial arts concept of Shu Ha Ri.
Shu Ha Ri describes three stages in the path to mastery:
Shu (Protect & Keep the Rules)
Ha (Break the Rules)
Ri (Transcend & Create the Rules)
In the Japanese tradition, the transition through these stages of mastery is regarded as organic, similar to the stages of the caterpillar, pupa, and butterfly.
In the first stage, Shu, one is a student absorbing wisdom passed down from generations. It is the stage of learning fundamentals and developing basic competence in an established domain. Because learning follows a logarithmic curve, this stage can be very quick. I’ve seen certain individuals go from utter novice to proficient in key essentials of a field in as little as a few weeks of carefully planned, dedicated study.
Hence, if you are reading this, undoubtedly there is some field where you are ready (or could be soon) to progress to the next stage. And raise your status.
In the second stage, Ha, one begins learning the underlying principles of the fundamentals. One also begins integrating ideas from multiple sources combined with insights from one’s own experience. One discovers what works best and what doesn’t for one’s particular circumstances and explores improvements that match one’s style and situation. One focuses on the essence and the function behind any given form.
This is the level of mastery that can be switched on in an instant to boost your status, when you make the decision to no longer be the dutiful student or follower, but the uniquely mission-driven rule-breaker. Ultimately, however, mastery is a lifelong activity.
In the third and final stage, Ri, one creates one’s own approach, system and rules as the unique expressing-outward of everything one has taken in and made one’s own. In this stage, one now becomes the teacher, giving to the world a better way of doing and being. This stage is never complete, as there is always more to take in, to change, to adapt, and to enhance.
For more context, Aikido master Endō Seishirō Shihan concisely explained the entire Shu Ha Ri process as follows:
“It is known that, when we learn or train in something, we pass through the stages of Shu, Ha, and Ri. These stages are explained as follows. In Shu, we repeat the forms and discipline ourselves so that our bodies absorb the forms that our forebears created. We remain faithful to these forms with no deviation. Next, in the stage of Ha, once we have disciplined ourselves to acquire the forms and movements, we make innovations. In this process, the forms may be broken and discarded. Finally, in Ri, we completely depart from the forms, open the door to creative technique, and arrive in a place where we act following what our heart/mind desires, unhindered while not overstepping laws.”
Are you breaking the rules in pursuit of mission and mastery?
If you’re on the path of high status and mastery, you might belong in Club Elevate+Aspire+, the private members-only platform specifically for ambitious entrepreneurs with a commitment to excellence, a passion for creativity, and a serious dedication to growing a high-end, premium, and/or luxury brand.
Members enjoy access to curated events, luxury opportunities, and more. Explore further and apply today to begin a complimentary-level membership.
To your excellence!
K. Joia Houheneka, Luxury Travel Advisor & Excellence Coach
K. Joia Houheneka is on a mission to Elevate Luxury to make luxury synonymous with excellence. She has a background as the owner of a luxury travel agency, Delve Travel. However, much of her current work involves coaching entrepreneurs in her bespoke method that combines luxury business strategy, training in flow states & self-actualization, and growth-focused travel – it is designed for those who are serious about achieving excellence and flourishing across all areas of life. Entrepreneurs with high-end, premium, or luxury businesses are invited to apply for a Complementary Level membership to Club Elevate+Aspire+ to discover more.
