Written by: Ginger Carlson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
I have spent many years supporting vision creation, the casting of visions, and the work to bring them to life for organizations around the world, but the most powerful visioning I have ever done has been for my intimate relationship. This article will show you how to do it for yourself, so you can chart a path toward the life that brings you most alive.
As the proverb goes, “without a vision, the people perish.”
Any successful business is built on a vision, a north star, a compass, and a guide to our goals. Visions help us make financial decisions and help us test organizational alignment. We build marketing campaigns around that vision. A vision keeps us focused instead of scattered. It gives us a way to backward plan, to make a roadmap of the steps we need to take to reach our organizational goals.
Many people also do personal visioning. Where do you see yourself in five or ten years? What does your career look like? What kind of home do you live in? Where and how often do you travel? This kind of visioning is also not uncommon. We do it because we know visioning is important, vital even. It keeps our “eyes on the prize,” as they say. A vision helps us dream and imagine so we can make what can sometimes feel like the impossible a real and actionable possibility.
Yet, what we don’t see very often is people taking the time to thoughtfully craft a Relationship Vision, a detailed statement that truly articulates what they want for their connection with another human, their intimacy, their communication, and their life together. What the research shows us though is that those who are most happy and fulfilled in their relationships are the ones who also take risks to make changes and make things happen in all the other aspects of their lives. That makes fulfilling relationships an important condition for everything else in our lives.
So, if we are going to alchemize our lives, that is to transform them into what we most desire, we need to do it for all areas of our lives. That includes our relationships. And it starts with getting clear about what elements we most desire in them. This is true whether you are in a relationship or not. Whether you are starting from scratch with a relationship vision or reimagining and reinvigorating the relationship you’ve been in for decades, articulating what you imagine for that connection is a powerful process.
Here are a few tips to get you started:
Ask yourself, and then journal, on some important aspects. As my yoga teacher often reminds us, “You must feel it to heal it.” You are more likely to reach a goal if you can feel what it is like to have achieved it, even long before you have.
Take some time, perhaps in nature or a place that inspires you the most, and write in as much detail as possible about:
how you connect;
how you will communicate, and when;
what you do together;
how it feels;
how you solve issues;
the values that are important to you both;
what you share; and,
who else supports you (your community).
Use impactful action words in your vision. The words you choose to describe the relationship of your dreams matter. Make it descriptive. Make it juicy. Use words that help you feel the characteristics of the relationship.
Make it both detailed and easily graspable. That’s right, you can make two versions of your vision, one that is a snapshot version and one that is a more thoughtful, descriptive, detailed version. Keep them both accessible, in different ways. You may want the snapshot version in a place where you will see it regularly. I pin the detailed version of my relationship vision at the top of my notes app on my phone. Rereading it from time to time gives it even more glue.
Realize that it is an individual journey before it is a shared journey. You might be asking yourself why you would craft an individual relationship vision. You of course may at some point also want to have a written shared vision, but knowing and loving yourself is an enormously important first step to being able to fully give yourself to another person. Your personal relationship vision is also a great way to communicate what you are looking for, and test out compatibility, in the clearest way possible.
See the vision as a compass and then set the course. The whole point is to imagine and project the ultimate life together. Be clear and articulate about what you desire. What is most important? Bring it to the front. And once you do that, you can plan backward and take action.
Ask yourself…
What are the conditions I need to create for this kind of love to blossom?
Who do I need to be first before I can share this with another?
What healing do I need to be the person who can love this way?
What are the pieces I need to put into place for me to be able to be the person who can love like this?
And the punctuation for many people is, Who do I really need to be so that I can be completely loved in this way?
Imagine for a moment
your whole life in relationship
And hold it sacred
Let’s be the audacious sunset
Our journey to the verbs that
drive us
Using our honest bodies
To express fully
Dreams ain't just for dreamers baby,
but for those of us who can
envision them,
there is significance
beyond imagination
This is Love Alchemy.
Once you have the vision, step by step, take action.
After all, Bliss is a VERB!
Would you like a sample? Check out Ginger’s Instagram @dr.gingercarlson to hear her read her personal relationship vision.
Ginger Carlson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Ginger Carlson is a thinker and creator. She transforms challenges into possibilities, division into bridges, and tragedy into triumph. Her motto: Bliss is a Verb!
