Written by: Heidi Richards Mooney, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
There are many things that can cause a person to become successful. The people you know, the opportunities that you have, and the personality that you have developed are some of the main features that will play a big part in your success in life. Surprisingly, though, most successful people have also developed the ability to say no to people. Many of us struggle with this, but there are ways you can work on it and become better at saying no when necessary.
“When you say yes to others, make sure you're not saying no to yourself.” ‒ Paulo Coelho
Why do we find it so difficult to say no?
A few people find it quite easy to say no whenever the need arises, but most of us find it very difficult to refuse people when we are asked. This could be a work colleague asking us to do a favor for them, and we feel like we have to say yes.
There are a few reasons we might do this, but the main reason is that we don't want to be perceived as nasty or unhelpful people. We all have the natural desire to be seen as people who are willing and happy to help others. Another reason we often say yes is that we worry about a time when we might need to request help from somebody. Rather than being independent and confident that we don't need to rely on other people, we become worried that we too will soon need help but will have nobody willing to step up.
“Real freedom is knowing that saying 'no' without giving a reason is okay.” ‒ Heidi Richards Mooney
How can you train yourself to say no when necessary?
There's a difference between saying no to people all the time just because you want to be unhelpful and exercise some strange kind of power and then saying no when you have better things to do or cannot feasibly say yes and help another person. There are many circumstances you might find yourself in which require you to say no to somebody rather than telling them yes – these are often at work, in public, or at home among the people you love.
In your mind, go through the reasons why you should say no rather than yes on this occasion.
Give your excuses to the other person – this will help them to understand that you have a valid reason for saying no and you're not just trying to be awkward or unhelpful. It will also be good for you to help like they know your point of view, and you can rest assured that they are aware of why you had to decline.
Realize that it's better, to be honest, and upfront with people rather than beating around the bush and trying to make the situation better. If you've been invited out for dinner and you have no intention of going, say so straight away rather than telling the host you'll think about it and then decline at the last minute.
For some, saying ‘no’ is an art. At first, it may feel uncomfortable, especially when you are in the habit of saying ‘yes’ (such as out of guilt or fear). It takes practice and once you get the hang of it you will feel better about your decisions and about yourself.
“Freedom comes when you learn to let go, creation comes when you learn to say no.” ‒ Madonna Ciccone
Heidi Richards Mooney, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Heidi is a professional speaker (past president for Floridas Speakers Association) an author, coach, small business owner, and internet marketing and social media expert who specializes in helping clients get their Websites, blogs, and social media channels noticed. She teaches audiences how to GROW their business using targeted social media channels including Facebook, Linkedin, Twitter, YouTube, Instagram, and Pinterest.
Heidi is also the publisher of several online magazines including WE Magazine for Women, Women of Wisdom Magazine, Marketing Small Business Magazine, Inventing Women Magazine, and Flowers Galore Magazine. She brings a unique combination of experience, technical expertise, and traditional marketing skills as well as creative new marketing approaches to maximize her client's online and social media presence. "
