Written by: Manuel Giudice, Guest Writer
Loyalty is a foundational human pillar that demonstrates both emotional maturity, and personal mastery.
One of the greatest challenges of relationships in an interconnected world is lack of depth and surface level commitment.
We frantically interact yet struggle to connect more deeply and develop more fulfilling relationships.
By cultivating internal loyalty first, we create the conditions for detachment from any outcome. As a result, an inspired quality of being begins to emerge, and we attract more stable and mature relationships. A sound and necessary base to start from, for many of life's achievements.
"Go deeper, not wider"
Here are three ways you can begin to cultivate loyalty that grounds you and attract quality relationships into your life.
Heart first, then the mind
Gradually, our definitions of loyalty have become very transactional, and commercial. We aspire to achieve customer loyalty, employee loyalty or expect loyalty to a cause, a vision, or from a person only if they...
…meet our needs…
…conform to our expectations…
…are willing to meet us where we are…
The problem with this is that it presupposes loyalty as conditional.
It is also an impossible task because there isn’t such a thing as a perfect relationship, business, or person, one that exactly matches our personal growth, evolution, and expectations.
There is a better way
Start with the heart first.
Many of us fail to carve out time in our busy schedule to truly, and deeply, reconnect with our heart, and inner wisdom.
Often, what frantically clutters our minds is a response to what is happening in our heart. For example, if we feel anxious, or stressed, our thoughts tend to turn against us, we create gloomy inner stories of job losses, isolation, and worst-case scenarios. True loyalty can’t flourish in an inner ambience that is wavering and unstable.
When we are inspired and joyful, on the other hand, we begin to envision possibility, options we hadn’t considered before, and opportunity all around us. This energetic state radiates outwardly, makes us more reliable in our commitments, and draws to us people that are loyal in return, and share similar qualities.
Action step
Take the time to reconnect with your inner wisdom. Identify what activities rekindle your spirit. Some people prefer time alone in nature, others meditate, some dance or play an instrument, others travel. Whichever your medium, create the conditions to reconnect to your heart on a regular basis. Do not overcommit if you are not ready yet. Over time, the things, and people you commit to becoming loyal to, become loyal to you.
Practice leading with loyalty
Each of us comes from different life experiences and diverse backgrounds ‒ both challenging, and empowering ‒ and have learned to grow through them at our own pace and with our own methods.
It comes to a point during this journey of personal evolution when we grow more deeply rooted in our personal power.
Some will say, we gain confidence and experience with time.
Others intuitively begin to sense our strenghts, presence, and care, and begin to lean on us as a result. Imagine a child looking up to you for guidance or support with a particular task. As far as they are concerned, you are the person that can guide them and with whom they can feel safe.
Life will test your loyalty.
It often happens when it is not well received, or when your personal needs are not catered for first. Although your intentions may be pure, you are being misunderstood, or even questioned for your actions, and you may have a hard time with it.
If you are finding it difficult, it is because you have an expectation of reciprocation (the least they can do is being grateful for us trying, right?). It may hurt us or upset us however, it is a fantastic test of the soundness of our loyalty. And we pass the test as we inwardly grow more unwavering in our loyalty.
Loyalty and boundaries
A distinction is important though.
Being loyal does not mean, not having boundaries, and unconditionally supporting someone even when they are acting unreasonably. It rather means that your inner state of loyal commitment to them is unscathed by their reaction.
You are loyal, therefore you set clearer boundaries. For example, if something you said has caused offence because of your willingness to set healthier boundaries, it is simply a testimony of your strength of caring, self-respect, loyalty (to self), and others.
Positive intention versus skilful delivery
Another important distinction is that the stable ground from which loyalty can flourish is always characterised by positive intentions.
Positive intention can be easily misunderstood (and often does) with skilful delivery.
The latter is a competence you can hone over time (you may not be as skilled a communicator with your spouse for example, or an effective leader yet, or have not mastered the intrinsic clues in each social situation). The former (i.e., your intentions) should never be questioned, by you. They are what truly grounds you and allow you to roll up your sleeves and get better at it when your current skillsets are up to par. They give you the power and humility to apologise, and the courage to try again.
Skilful delivery is a biproduct of our capabilities. Our intentions must remain unshaken. Your intentions might be misinterpreted, or unappreciated, however as far as your inner world is concerned, your integrity is untouched.
Being loyal, is not something we do. It’s someone we can learn to become.
Loyalty is a big deal. it connects us, it grounds us, and others can lean on it. You can be that person for the people, and causes, you care about.
Action step
Journal. Who, or what can you be loyal to? What tiny step can you take in the next 2/3 days to demonstrate loyalty to someone in your life? How can you do that by also setting healthy boundaries.
Don’t worry about being perfect at it. Like a muscle, the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets. Go for consistency and regular reflection, over perfection.
Protect your progress
Life is non-linear, and the further we grow, the greater the challenges presented to us. Becoming a fully grounded and unconditionally loyal person is not an overnight event.
It is rather the result of trials and errors. It requires learning to meet our needs first and designing a lifestyle and environment around us that is conducive of such a powerful process of inner transformation.
Our physical, mental, and energetic health matter.
Adequate amount of sleep, a balance diet, how you feed your mind through books and media, the quality of your habitual conversations, the strenght of your boundaries, time to reflect, nourish your mind and your spirit.
Since your loyalty will be tested, it is easy (and normal) to fall back into negative patterns of actions or reaction. By learning to intentionally design a lifestyle, and set of habits, that uplift, encourage, and energise you, you create the space for experimentation, reflection, and recovery.
Action step
Energy audits. On a piece of paper (or digital equivalent), draw out a vertical line that divides up the page into two columns.
Label one column as ‘Energisers’, the one as ‘Drainers’.
From the following categories (places, projects, things, thoughts, people, activities) list out your energisers, and your drainers. Then rank them from the least impactful to the most impactful ones.
What are the biggest drainers in your life right now? What are the greatest energisers?
What small action can you take, over the next 2/3 days to begin shifting the way your environment supports your personal growth? And into a loyal and trusted person others can always count on? For more info follow me on Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn and visit my website!
Manuel Giudice, Brainz Magazine Guest Writer
Manuel Giudice is a London-based Life and Executive Coach, known for his ability to transform the leadership potential within individuals and organisations.
He grew up in a family of brick-and-mortar business owners in a small town in Southern Italy (Salento). The area was particularly challenging for business owners due to corruption and organised crime, very limited business support and education. These earlier experiences shaped his views about the power of the mind, resilience, and mental fitness.
Graduated in Psychology and Coaching from three leading European Universities, during the last decade he built an award-winning consulting and coaching business, working with SMEs across 10 different industries and some of the planet's largest companies ‒ the likes of Shell, Oxford University Press and Verizon.
Featured in Metro, the UK national newspaper, and the Business Transformation Network (BTN.tv), he is the author of weekly newsletter 'Human-centric' and has been invited to speak for JCI London (Chamber of Commerce), UCL (Save The Children), and the UA in UK Fashion and Beauty Community. His talks were described as '...very insightful and even necessary during such hard times".
