Written by: Shawnesse Nicole Herbert, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When we think about February, we tend to think about love and everything associated with love. We watch romantic comedies that make us laugh and cry as we contemplate our love stories or tragedies. Blooming roses, strawberries dipped in the finest chocolates, and lavish gifts to express our abundance of love for that special someone. As quickly as Valentine's Day flies in with gifts of affection, it also rapidly leaves us wanting more. More time, more affection, more attention, more love. Why are we constantly seeking love?
Giving love without learning to love oneself is part of the lesson missing from the storyline. To love others, you must love yourself. Learning to love yourself authentically allows you to continuously give yourself love without always seeking love from others. I believe the famous poet Ralph Waldo Emerson had it right when he said, "We must be our own before we can be another's." What does it take? Glad you ask!
Accept You
You are you. That's it. There is no one else like you. Love your uniqueness. Embrace it. We spend so much time studying other people's looks and traits and take no time getting to know ourselves. Dismiss the need to push down your self-worth. Do not allow others to discredit the qualities that make you unique, and resist the urge to speak negatively about yourself around others. Learn to love yourself unconditionally by changing your attitude about yourself.
Try: Look in the mirror every morning and admire your physical attributes. Say, "I am enough, just the way I am!" Repeat until you believe.
Give Kindness
Our internal thoughts can be brutal. We can be harmful to ourselves. Learn to stop the negative internal dialog by replacing harsh words with kinder, gentle words. Stop waiting on others to speak kindly to you and speak positive words of affirmation to yourself.
Try: Picture yourself as your best friend and practice giving yourself words of gratitude. Create a positive mantra for yourself and repeat it daily until you believe your own words.
Identify Your Positive Qualities.
We all have positive qualities; you have them; you need to let them shine. When we dismiss our greatness, we limit our capabilities. We are so focused on self-improvement that we forget to nurture the qualities that work in our favor. If you are an excellent scheduler, find ways to use these skills in your personal life. Schedule your daily affirmations and calendar in time to write love notes to yourself. Regardless of the trait, use it to give love to yourself.
Try: Make a list of every positive quality you possess. Then create opportunities in your life that let those qualities shine daily.
Work Through Negative Qualities.
It is one thing to know your negative character traits and another to dwell on them. Instead, find healthy ways to improve the quality gradually. Learn to embrace your challenging qualities by accepting this imperfection and resisting the desire to believe you are less because they exist. You may need help to stop interrupting others when they speak or learn to listen more than talk during conversations. Be vulnerable and tell others that you have set a personal goal to improve your conversation habits or take a public speaking class to support your plan. The key is to understand that you can make improvements and that a negative quality can turn into a new skill you love about yourself.
Tip: Pick one uncomfortable quality to work on and create small monthly goals to help you enhance the quality.
Learn Your Love Language
Coined by Gary Chapman, the five love language personalities all speak the language of love. Learning your love language will help you learn about yourself and help you tell others how you want to be loved. We assume that others know how to love us or that our partner can read our minds. Unfortunately, this is not true. We must teach others how to love us. Knowing your love language will give you a guide to loving yourself better. Once you discover your love language, practice loving yourself in your love language. For example, if your love language is quality time, take a mindfulness walk with yourself, go to the movies, or bake yourself your favorite dessert.
Tip: Take the love language quiz to learn your primary and secondary love languages.
Accept Your Diversity
To love yourself authentically is to embrace your culture. Make no apologies for your food, dress style, traditions, or customs. Resist the urge to hide your culture and discover new ways to display your culture daily. When we deny our ancestral roots, we say our originality is not essential. Each time we culturally assimilate to "fit in," we dilute a little bit of our true identity. Regardless of where you move or live, your culture is within you. Learn to accept everything about you, which makes you unique and better to love.
Tip: Reconnect with family and seek an understanding of traditions and cultures. Actively seek out new foods and music to immerse yourself in your heritage.
Understand that you deserve to take up space in this world and start making space for yourself daily. Rise every day and be proud that no one else is you. Believe in yourself and appreciate what you have to offer first to yourself and then to everyone else. Continue to learn about yourself through self-discovery; explore old hobbies or find new interests. Remember, the more you uncover your authentic self, the more you will love yourself.
Shawnesse Nicole Herbert, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Shawnesse Herbert is a licensed psychotherapist who empowers individuals to survive their struggles, evolve in their relationships, love their lives, and fulfill their purpose. With her passion for educating individuals on the importance of mental health and the need for more BIPOC mental health professionals, she opened DISCOVER S.E.L.F. PLLC. As a privately owned premier counseling studio, Shawnesse supports individuals who thrive in seeking self-love and self-care. She supports teens and adults experiencing anxiety, depression, life transitions, and other mental health struggles interrupting their daily lives. Shawnesse has worked in the education and mental health fields over the last 15 years to obtain a dynamic understanding of human interaction and behavior development. She holds a Bachelor of Psychology from Texas Christian University (TCU) and a Master's in Counseling from Prairie View A & M.
