Written by: Angela Scaperlanda Bujan, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
We are all on a mission from the moment we are conceived in the mind of God. We are born with everything inside us that we will need for this great adventure called life, but like all great quests, obstacles often appear and stand in the way of completing our mission. I would like to share with you a beloved story from my childhood that continues to have a profound impact on me, my life’s mission, and is the inspiration for Living the DARE.
When I was nine years old, I read a book called Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus. In the author’s own words, “This is a tale of a caterpillar who has trouble becoming what He really is.” For some inexplicable reason, I was captivated. Something deep within me stirred. Even as a child, I identified with Stripe and Yellow and the Caterpillars’ search for “more”.
Desire – Recognizing the Inner Longing
Stripe recognized deep within him a restlessness that compelled him forward in search of meaning. Sound familiar? Acting on his desire, Stripe first searched for what he was looking for in a “caterpillar pillar” filled with other caterpillars all mindlessly trying to make their way to the unknown “top” of the pile. After a long while of everybody rushing to get to where they thought they needed to go, Stripe started to question what was at the top. Nobody seemed to have the answer or even the time to wonder. Stipe turned off his thoughts, jumped into the pile, and joined the mechanical quest. The other caterpillars soon became threats and obstacles that got in his way, and he turned them into steps and opportunities to get closer to the top.
Stripe still had a nagging question though, where were they going? What was at the top? One day Stripe met another caterpillar named Yellow, and without meaning to, they looked into each other’s eyes. It had been a long time since Stripe had made a genuine connection with another caterpillar. They shared their doubts and the question that seemed silly because no one else seemed to care. “What is at the top?” Soon, Stripe and Yellow realized they couldn’t keep going in this endless climb to the top. Together, they decided to follow their longing for more, somewhere else, away from the pile.
For a time, they were content to be free from the crushing pillar, fighting everyone to get higher, and enjoyed loving each other. After a while though, that familiar longing returned, and Stripe wondered again, “there must be still more to life.” Stipe became restless. Eventually, Stipe could not resist wanting to know what was at the top. Yellow, although she too struggled, sure there was more, could not go with him. What do you think so far? Do you find yourself relating to these fuzzy creatures?
Ability – Positioning Yourself for Transformation
The two parted ways, Stripe returned to the pillar of caterpillars and the endless climb, while Yellow, stayed alone searching for something or someone she did not quite understand. Yellow decided that “waiting and not being sure was better than action she couldn’t believe in.” Even though she felt silly and embarrassed because she could not explain and could not prove anything, she just knew deep down that climbing the pillar was not the way. After aimlessly roaming around, Yellow came across something that made her heart leap – another caterpillar hanging upside down on a tree, preparing to become a butterfly! Yellow did not know what a butterfly was exactly, but her heart leaped inside her anyway with an unknowing certainty. This new caterpillar provided Yellow with the guidance she needed. He explained that a butterfly is “what you are meant to become. It flies with beautiful wings and joins the earth to heaven. It drinks only nectar from the flowers and carries the seeds of love from one flower to another. Without butterflies, the world would soon have few flowers.” Yellow longed for it to be true, but wondered, “How can I believe there’s a butterfly inside you or me when all I see is a fuzzy worm?” She asked lots of questions to understand how she could become a butterfly. What questions are surfacing within you?
Overcoming Resistance – Surrender (Shedding the False Self to Become the True Self)
She soon learned she needed to be willing to give up being a caterpillar to become a butterfly. The other caterpillar explained, “What looks like you will die but what’s really you will still live. Life is changed not taken away.” He went on to teach her about making a cocoon, hiding away for a while, accepting that you can never return to caterpillar life, patiently waiting while it appears nothing is happening and trusting that you are in the process of becoming what you are meant to be. “It just takes time!” Yellow was excited and wanted to share this with Stripe but knew that he was too far gone. Her new caterpillar guide encouraged her to transform into a butterfly, and then show him how beautiful they are so maybe he will want to become one too. Yellow was torn. She wondered, “How could she risk the only life she knew when it seemed so unlikely, she could ever be a glorious, winged creature?” She finally found the courage to try. What might be holding you back?
Meanwhile, Stripe had become ruthless in his climb to the top of the pile. He did anything necessary to get ahead. When he neared the top, Stipe became disillusioned. He realized there was nothing up there but the knowledge that they were where other caterpillars wanted to be. From his vantage point, he now saw, his pillar was one of the thousands. “Millions of caterpillars climbing nowhere!” He realized something was wrong, but still wondered “what else is there?” As he was wondering this, a beautiful yellow butterfly frantically tried to get his attention. Stripe strained at recognition. The magnificent butterfly’s eyes were filled with love as it fluttered around him, which quickly led Stripe to repentance. Repentance led Stripe to hope. He decisively turned around and made his way down the pillar of caterpillars. As he went, he “looked straight into the eyes of each caterpillar. He marveled at the variety and beauty, amazed that he had never noticed it before.” On his way down, he shared a message of hope – there is nothing at the top, but there is another way. “We can fly!” Many ignored him, some listened, but responded fearfully, perhaps one or two really heard the message, but doubts overshadowed hope. Even Stripe’s clear vision of the butterfly dimmed as he made his way down the darkness of the pillar. He painfully continued downward, reminding himself over and over the truth he had encountered, “I saw a butterfly – there can be more to life.” After a long, difficult journey, he finally removed himself from the pillar, exhausted and sad. After a long rest, Stripe looked around, and finally, found the beautiful yellow butterfly waiting nearby. She was trying to communicate something. After much effort, Stipe understood. This was his beloved Yellow! She wanted him to follow. Stripe followed Yellow to the “tree of transformation” where he could hang upside down. Yellow guided Stripe, just as she had received guidance, telling him how to find “the more” he had been seeking for so long. As it got darker and darker within his cocoon, Stripe became afraid. “He felt he had to let go of everything…” but he remembered Yellow and trusted. Who are your trusted advisors?
Evidence – New Life Emerging Within and Around You
After a long while, Stripe emerged as the butterfly he was meant to be, and Yellow and Stripe reunited and loved each other in an even deeper way that produced new life.
Yellow’s courage and trust astounded me, although truthfully, I probably did not even know the word “astounded” when I first read this story. It stuck with me though. Yellow’s decision to trust her instinct and first work on her own transformation before helping others discover the truth gave me the courage to also trust. I am certain God planted a seed in me that day long ago. My nine-year-old self could not fully understand let alone articulate it then, but I believe I recognized and connected with one of my primary missions – to help others become who they are meant to be.
DARE to Become
Like Yellow, after some searching and with guidance, I discovered the ordinary, extraordinary details of transformation in my own life’s journey. Now over a decade ago, I immersed myself in a two-year process to become a Spiritual Director. I don't know how, but like the caterpillar, something within me told me it was time to go off for a while and allow myself the needed time and space to transform into a seemingly different role than the one I had played before. I started the training program shortly after completing a 4-year executive coaching and consulting contract. Like blossoms in Spring, this opportunity seemed to appear out of nowhere but really had been slowly and silently growing for a very long time. I remember when I began the program, it felt a bit, well let's just say for lack of a better word, "crazy", even to me. At first, I thought I was enhancing and expanding my skill set as an executive/life coach to be more proficient in "coaching" the spiritual component of the self. What I discovered though was that a complete inner transformation was occurring. In addition to so many other strong spiritual leaders, I learned from two of the great Spanish mystics, from my own Christian Catholic faith, Teresa of Avila, and John of the Cross. Each provided a wealth of insight and wisdom to help me understand the metamorphosis process that I experienced internally, and to articulate the "why" behind the transformation in the first place. Saint Teresa uses the metaphor of a silkworm in describing the soul's journey toward the Divine, "a metamorphosis of the soul from autonomous self-determination to self-giving willingness to be led." At the end of the program, I was not just "certified" as a Spiritual Director but truly emerged from my cocoon, having become one. In his book, The Dark Night of the Soul: A Psychiatrist Explores the Connection Between Darkness and Spiritual Growth, Gerald May provides insight from these two Saints John and Teresa that helped me understand the "why" behind my interior changes. He states, "...it is all designed for the recovery of innocence, the reestablishment of perceptiveness and sensitivity, the rebirth of profound peace and exquisite joy, and finally, the fullness of love for God, others, and the world...in that love we find ever-increasing freedom to be who we really are…We are freed to join the dance of life in fullness without having a clue about what the steps are."
The first night of the first weekend of the Spiritual Guidance Training Program. Incredible what surprises God has in store for us. I don’t fully understand what this step means or where it will take me, but I trust. I am beginning to allow God to transform me, so I will become who He is calling me to be. I am me now, but as I allow Him in more, He is able to ignite gifts He planted in me, illuminate any darkness that needs clearing out, shape my life’s experience into something that can bear fruit. ~ Angela Scaperlanda Bujan (1/7/2011) I hope to share the beauty of my experience and provide guidance to help others find their own “tree of transformation” and fully become who they are meant to be. I am convinced that to find our truest selves, we must first lose ourselves in God. As the butterfly can only transform when the parts of its former self have died, we can only transform into our truest selves if we shed that which is false or no longer serves. Bishop Robert Barron, international speaker, founder of the Word on Fire Institute, and current Auxiliary Bishop of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles expressed it beautifully when he said, “To come to know yourself as God knows you is to discover who you really are – that is your true self…Surrender to the power of God and you will find out who you are!” Again, in Bishop Barron’s words, “All God wants is for us to flourish…When the true God – the God Who Is…comes close to creatures, they are not consumed; rather, they become more beautiful and radiantly themselves, on fire but not burned up.” The question is, do we DARE? The images and lessons from my childhood book grew with me as I grew and continue to this day. Help Professional Services and the DARE program are tangible fruits from that distant seed. I established HELP Professional Services to provide individuals, groups, teams, and organizations opportunities to connect within themselves, with each other, with their past and their present, to begin to dream and build their future, and ultimately to become who they are meant to be. We cannot do it alone, but we each must take an individual step forward to intentionally embrace courageous growth and gradual transformation in our own search for “more”.
Angela Scaperlanda Bujan, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Angela Scaperlanda Bujan, MA, is a bilingual certified spiritual director, coach, facilitator, retreat leader, speaker, writer, editor, and organizational consultant. As founder of HELP Professional Services LLC, Angela sought to establish a unique organization centered around helping individuals, groups, and other organizations become who they are meant to be. Her unique background in intercultural communication, business, and spirituality has allowed her the opportunity to work with individuals and organizations across countries, sectors, and organizational levels. She brings her professional skills, fluency in Spanish, intercultural expertise, solid spiritual base, and relevant life experiences to the table. Angela has over 25 years of experience working with local, national, and international clients. This background allows her to listen for, observe, and understand the diverse needs of individuals, groups, communities, and organizations. Each presentation, retreat, workshop, and session is tailored to meet the current needs of the people with whom she has the privilege to work.
Angela actively seeks and works toward establishing an integrative life that allows her to invest a substantial portion of her time and talent building her family as well as building HELP Professional Services. She is constantly amazed at the lessons she learns as a wife and mother, that she can apply to her work and those from work that benefit her family
