Allana Pratt is an intimacy expert, relationship coach, author of 6 books, and the host of the edgy podcast “Intimate Conversations”.
It has been reported that the divorce rate in America is 50 percent for first marriages, 67 percent for second marriages, and 73 percent for third marriages. These numbers indicate that many people repeat the same mistakes over and over again and that things get worse and you give up faster when you don't do the work. While a new relationship may look different at first, before long we are right back where we started, dealing with the same issues again, repeating the same patterns.
As an intimacy expert, relationship coach and the author of six books on love and relationships (plus an amazing new Intimate Reflections Journal with over 130 pages of questions designed to bring you closer to yourself, your spouse or special people) I have the inside scoop on why these repeating patterns occur and what you can do to change them into healthy, honoring love.
I’ve found that people repeat the same mistakes when they don’t slow down to evolve from the previous relationships, when they don’t take the time to integrate the often painful life lessons and when they don’t learn to feel their feelings and sit in the fire to heal their wounded hearts. While it’s easy to blame the other person, it takes someone spiritually mature to take ownership of their part of a failed relationship.
One of the biggest mistakes people make after a breakup is rushing back into a relationship to try to fill the void and soothe the emptiness inside. I guide my clients to turn towards the pain, to befriend our wounded parts to learn the lessons that were presented by the relationship that didn’t work out.
It takes bravery and humility to face our pain. We need to seek support from someone who doesn’t judge, who walks their talk, who has a proven track record and who can ask reflective questions that teach us to take ownership for the choices we make and grow.
Steps to create lasting fulfilling relationship
1. Be mindful of thoughts and actions
When a person comes from a place of lack, skepticism or desperation, he or she will attract/interact with that kind of person. You may attract someone you’re likely to break up with before they break up with you. Yet given like attracts like, they’re thinking the same thing about you. Ouch.
Heal the unintegrated emotions that trigger those sabotaging thoughts and behaviors so you can become a whole, healthy person and attract a whole, healthy person or awaken the wholeness and health with the one you’re with.
2. Feel your feelings
Understand that vibration is everything and that it is important to create the vibration you want to attract. When we bypass our feelings, stuff them down and avoid, dissociate and pretend we’re happy when we’re not even in our body, we feel insecure. We can be manipulated. We can’t hear our truth. People don’t trust us. We feel tremendously alone.
Yet when you feel your feelings, you create intimacy with yourself. You heal internal subconscious wounds. You’re brave and present. People feel safe with you. You attract people who can feel their feelings too and connect vulnerably and deeply.
3. Find your soul family (not your tribe)
While it’s perhaps semantics, tribes in general are a lower vibrational mentality where we are right and others are wrong. Where you need to fit in or you’ll be kicked out. This often leads to us denying our truth, being people pleasers, seeking our worth from other’s approval and giving our power away to get along or be agreed with.
Families in general tend to be the fabulous dysfunctional units that invite us to grow! Ha! Yet SOUL families are unique communities that align with your values and beliefs of personal ownership, spiritual maturity, non judgment, inclusion, curiosity and fierce love. Within “your people” you will often meet potential partners who are up for meaningful, deep, conscious communication that lasts. I recommend taking a breather from dating numerous people from apps and instead building deeper relationships within aligned communities.
4. Let go of the results
This last one is easier said than done. So many of us (including me when I first started this work 20+ yrs ago) are miswired seeking safety, worth, approval and love from the outside in vs the inside out. When we make someone overly important, significant, meaningful or the source of our wholeness, we become attached to them behaving a certain way.
Instead of being attached to an outcome, even an outcome as high on your priority list as finding the One, instead do the opposite, Become the One. Literally Become the One your ideal partner is looking for. Live your life fully without apology. Stop desperately searching for “the One” which behaviorally and energetically pushes them away. As you let go of the neediness and shine fully as your authentic self, watch how magnetic you become. Watch as many people want to date you!
Similarly if you’re already in a relationship, I’m sure we both agree that your partner isn’t fond of you wanting to fix them, change them, nag at them, speak for them, yes? Same applies here. Let go of your attachment that they change. Give them space to be. Focus on Becoming the One you’re proud of being. Focus on catching them in the act of being their best selves. Get curious about how you could become a better partner. Unless they’re a schmuck, you’ll inspire them to grow into a better version of themselves, too.
Want to take this even deeper and get even better results while having fun and feeling safe, seen and understood. Let’s take the next step together in my new inexpensive value packed (3) video series. It’s called Become the One Introductory Program!
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Intimacy Expert, Allana Pratt is a global media personality and go-to authority for those ready to heal heartbreak, live unapologetically and attract a soul-shaking relationship. This Ivy League grad is the Author of 6 books, has interviewed Whoopi Goldberg and Alanis Morissette, and Hosts the edgy Podcast Intimate Conversations: Season 12- Become the One, where listeners learn how to ‘Become the One’ to 'Find the One’ which ‘Awakens the One.'
