Written by: Safia Haque, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Let's jump straight in:
As long as we believe that our children have the power to annoy us we are stuck and lose our ability to stay calm. It’s like having a big red button pinned to our chest and telling the kids over and over: Don’t press the button, please don’t press the button. But what will kids do when they see a big red button they will press it again and again and again. So first of all we need to take the red button off our chest and take control back so we stay calm and can react in any way we want to whatever situation we are confronted with.
So how do we see this reality that our kids don’t have the power to annoy us, make us upset, angry or put any other emotions inside of us regardless of what they are doing?
There is only one missing link, one mindset shift, one insight we need to have to come out of this misconception that keeps ruining our calm as humans.
Are you ready to really hear it with your heart, because this shift is not from the mind but from the heart?
Here we go: “Your children never have, never will, and never can annoy you in the first place.”
It is a fact that they never had the power in the first place, but the power has been with us all along, as we have to think about their behaviour in an annoyed way in order to feel annoyed.
It is not possible otherwise to feel annoyed;
When you think annoyed-you will feel annoyed...
When you think happy-you will feel happy...
Take a moment and see for yourself that this is true, think a happy way about any of your child’s behaviour and see if you feel happy at the same time.
Now if you have the power to think and feel in any way about the behaviour of your child, then it is not the child that is annoying you but your own thinking.
This means that you have the ability to stay calm in any situation, as the child does not have the power to make you think and feel in any way.
You have the power to think and feel in any given way about the behaviour of your child and if you think back their must have been times where you did this. Sometimes your children will do the same behaviour but you thought about it differently depending on your own state of mind at that moment.
Let's explore further: Has there been times where you got upset when your child spilled the whole cereal bowl over their clothes 5 minutes before you have to leave the house?
Now has there been a time where the same thing happened, but you stayed completely calm and just got on with sorting the mess and leaving the house still on time.
What changed, its you thinking that changed.
We have the freedom to think and therefore feel any way about any given situation.
For example, my son had been struggling with Maths work, a lot of tears and stuff, now sometimes it looks like my frustration is coming from him crying about maths, but if that was true then I should be reacting the same way every time but I am not. I am calm and cool-headed as long as I am clear about the reality that his crying can not make me annoyed, upset or give me any other kind of feelings whatsoever.
When you go through this one mindset shift with me you will be the calmest and most cool-headed parent in your neighbourhood.
Safia Haque, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Safia Haque is an Effortless Parenting Coach, a Speaker, and a Home-Educator. After going through a life-changing Psychological Paradigm Shift that made her parenting effortless, non-reactive, and peaceful. She is on a mission to take one parent per family through the powerful Inside-Out transformation. She is the creator of the Effortless Parenting Course and is working with parents worldwide to raise happy, healthy, and confident children without any guilt, stress, or worry.
