Written by: Dr. Monica Riley, MD, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Grief is that emotional state that just comes over you like a wave and knocks you off your feet. All we can do is learn to swim. Give Yourself Grace!
Most of us experience grief at some point in our lives. It could be the result of the loss of a friend or family member. We grieve a divorce, the loss of a job, or the death of a pet.
You might feel empty or numb, as if in shock. Your body might tremble and feel weak. Amid feelings of sadness and sorrow, you might have trouble eating and sleeping. These are all part of the various stages of grief. Above all, grief is a profound sense of loss and knowing what’s missing will never return.
Given that grief is a universal experience, isn’t it time that we start normalizing grief? Grief is not a condition. It is a state of BE-ing. Grief is complicated and grief can make you sick. Grief is not linear. There is no specific timeline, which can be liberating. But humans are meaning making creatures, so this can also get complicated. Without the confines of structure, people often find themselves questioning and doubting if they're "doing it right.”
When you are supporting someone who is grieving, it is important to examine your own understanding of grief. If you think grief is a finite process, you might be tempted to urge your person to “finish” their grief. But, if you know grief is a lifelong experience, you’ll understand that being supportive means helping them find ways to integrate it into their journey.
How grieving changes the brain and affects the body
Let’s press pause a minute and acknowledge: Grief can make you sick! The emotional process of grieving may affect the health of your body. People who are grieving often report feeling tension in their chest, muscles and throat, as well as joint pain, shortness of breath, exhaustion, nausea, muscle weakness, dry mouth and clumsiness. Give Yourself Grace!
When you're grieving, a flood of neurochemicals and hormones, like adrenaline and cortisol, affect your brain and have a profound disruption to your emotion processing center. In trying to make sense of the absence, your brain struggles to reconcile two opposing pieces of knowledge—the conscious knowledge that your loved one is gone, and the powerful, implicit knowledge that they are everlasting. This struggle explains some of the more bewildering and unpredictable aspects of grieving. Grief brain is a real thing.
Experts describe "grief brain" as your brain being overloaded with thoughts of grief, sadness, loneliness, etc. Grief brain affects memory, concentration, and cognition. Your brain is focused on the feelings and symptoms of grief, leaving little room for everyday tasks. Other research has linked grief to disrupted sleep, immune system changes and the risk of blood clots.
6 Ways to heal when dealing with a loss
When you're grieving, it is more important than ever to take care of yourself. The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time. These tips may help you find peace as you navigate a path to your new normal.
Practice self-care. When it feels like your world is falling apart, the most important thing you can do is focus on yourself. If you take time out to eat well, exercise and sleep, you will help your body and your mind recuperate from grief. Insufficient shuteye is particularly challenging to the post-grief mind. Nurture your body, mind and soul with sustainable body care that is nutrient rich and soothing. Dr. Monica’s Natural Beauty- www.drmonicasnaturalbeauty.com
Take a time out. It is appropriate – even necessary – to take some time off from work and daily responsibilities to process your grief. Every situation is unique, and there is no set timeline for when you need to get back in the game. But it is important to establish a reasonable timeline, so your grief does not take over.
Art for your heart. Art therapy is a way to express your pain and begin working with raw feelings that are deep within you. Art allows us to let go and intuitively examine our unprocessed emotions and experiences.
Sound healing for grief. Music therapy can be used to reduce physical pain and anxiety, lower inflammation, and enhance relaxation, and promote positive moods and thoughts. Sound healing creates waves which envelop the body.
Get support. If you’re struggling to think straight, and get back to your daily activities, get help. Support groups can offer valuable resources to help manage grief. People who have been where you are can share tools and strategies to help you get back to living. Brief individual counseling can also be beneficial; particularly if you are struggling to complete your normal activities and interact with loved ones. For Individual Grief & Trauma Counseling, call 702-219-0084.
Challenge negative thought patterns. Sharing memories is healthy, but ruminating on what-ifs can be mind-numbing. Instead of heading down a rabbit hole of negative self-talk – maybe I should have said something, maybe I should have done something, maybe it’s my fault – choose to delight in your happy memories. Journaling and affirmations are also helpful to ground yourself. Remain faith-full with prayer and meditation.
A Brief Holiday Note: The holiday season is not always as merry as we want it to be. It is normal to feel apprehensive about it and you are not alone in feeling that way. Please remember that there is no right or wrong way to approach the holiday season, following the loss of a loved one. If you experience happiness, allow it to enter your grief space and be present with the people around you. Be kind to yourself and take one feeling at a time.
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, and YouTube, or visit my website for more info!
Dr. Monica Riley, MD, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Monica Riley, MD, affectionately known as Dr. Monica, is a Doctor of Integrative Medicine with over 30 years of expertise in the Holistic Health Sciences. Dr. Monica is the Founder of Dr. Monica's Natural Beauty, LLC; the award-winning sustainable body care, skin and haircare collection featuring clean fragrances that inspire women 40+, with careful care to communities of color, to Self-Love through Self-Care. This active Vassar College Alum and 2-time Emmy Award winning documentary producer continues to inspire communities to action through her activism against human trafficking and cyberbullying. A sought-after public speaker and podcast guest, Dr. Monica believes that “Self-Care IS Healthcare"™
