Written by: Ceza Ouzounian, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
You know you are ready for a relationship with someone who is everything you desire in a partner.
A relationship that lights you up, that makes you happy, and where you respect and support each other.
A partner who adores you and you are a perfect fit for each other.
But it isn’t happening. You are frustrated with dating. It’s like that person you want to find is not out there, and you are wondering if it is worth even dating.
Limiting beliefs
Sometimes we sabotage ourselves by letting our limiting beliefs get in the way.
Our beliefs affect our thoughts, which affect our emotions, which affect our actions.
Quite often, this happens on autopilot. We aren’t aware of all our negative beliefs getting in the way of what we want.
Let me give you an example.
A client of mine wanted a serious relationship, but she kept saying she wasn’t ready. On further exploration, it was because she believed she needed to lose some weight before she could go on dates. Delving a little deeper, this thought that she needed to lose weight was linked to the belief that she wasn’t good enough.
Not being good enough is a limiting belief that comes up A LOT in sessions (and I have worked on this belief too). It is a big one.
For the client mentioned above, this meant that belief led to her thinking she needed to lose weight, which made her feel unsexy, unworthy, and unable to attract the kind of man she wanted. This led to her not taking steps to go on dates or take further steps when a man she was attracted to wanted to go out with her. She pulled away.
This belief of not being good enough stopped her from getting anywhere close to what she wanted, which was a relationship.
For her, it meant exploring why she didn’t feel good enough and what experiences in her life this belief was linked to. It was identifying how this belief showed up in her life, not just in dating but in every area of life.
How do you know what limiting beliefs you have?
In my client sessions, I use the Energy Alignment Method to identify and clear these limiting beliefs (which is too big to explain here), but you can identify and clear them in many different ways.
Journaling is a great way, and you can do it right now with a pen and paper or even opening up a document on the computer.
Ask yourself how you feel about dating and write whatever comes to mind. No thinking about what you are writing, no judgment, just let it flow out.
Once you have finished, go back and read over what you wrote. What negative thoughts are there?
Doing this exercise can reveal some of the thoughts you may be saying to yourself as a result of limiting beliefs, which are impacting your behavior. And you can do it multiple times, or on different questions, as each time you may discover new things.
Paying attention to your thoughts is a great way to start identifying your beliefs. If you keep telling yourself no one will ever find you attractive, something else is going on beneath that, and that’s what we want to get to start changing those limiting beliefs, so they aren’t negatively impacting you.
What next?
What do you do once you start noticing these limiting beliefs and negative thoughts?
Awareness is key and vital to change. When you notice that a negative thought is being triggered, instead of reacting in the way you normally would take a moment to stop and breathe and decide how you want to feel and react.
You can choose how to react to a situation.
If you stop yourself from dating because you believe you will never find a suitable partner. That belief has been triggered in a moment when you felt excited about going on a dating app, and you’ve actually noticed getting triggered, stop and take a deep breath. Ask yourself, is that belief true? Decide how you want to feel? Decide what your next steps are?
Will you let that belief stop you from going after what you want?
Or will you take the steps regardless of what might be coming up internally for you at that moment?
Breaking that automatic pattern means noticing and deciding to do something different.
It isn’t always easy. Sometimes you’ll give in to it. Sometimes you’ll win. But each time, it gets easier. Over time you’ll start creating positive patterns.
Looking at what is going on for you internally makes such a massive difference to dating, as it affects everything externally.
So, if your dating isn’t going well, look inwards. What limiting beliefs may be holding you back?
If you need support to work on your limiting beliefs or want to know how the Energy Alignment Method can help you, please do reach out to me.
Ceza Ouzounian, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Ceza Ouzounian is a Relationship Coach, an Energy Alignment Method Mentor, Fitness Instructor, best-selling author, and speaker. She helps successful entrepreneurial women have the relationship they desire. Ceza knows exactly what is required to have a relationship you love that is full of support, passion, and love and has helped many women reach their desired relationship. She shares the valuable lessons from her own journey and what she has learned from work with clients and those around her to support her clients to have their dream relationship.
