Written by Sarah Montes, Addiction Counsellor
Sarah Montes is a Lived Experience Addiction Counselor with a rich background in addiction recovery, having transformed her own challenges into a career dedicated to helping others heal and find purpose.
Do you find yourself constantly worrying about your loved one’s addiction, to the point where it consumes your thoughts and energy? Loving someone with an addiction can be incredibly challenging, especially when you feel the urge to fix or control their behaviour. This pattern, often referred to as codependency, can leave you feeling drained, anxious, and unsure of how to help. But there is hope. In this article, you will find 8 practical tips to help you support your loved one without losing yourself in the process. These strategies will guide you in setting healthy boundaries, practicing self-care, and maintaining your well-being while being there for someone you care about.
What is codependency?
Codependency is a behavioural pattern in which an individual excessively relies on others for their emotional or self-esteem needs, often at the expense of their well-being.
In the context of addiction, codependency typically manifests as an intense desire to care for or control the addicted person's behaviour, often leading to enabling or neglecting one's own needs. Codependent individuals may feel responsible for their loved one's happiness or sobriety, resulting in a cycle of caretaking, guilt, and resentment. This dynamic can be harmful to both the individual with codependent behaviours and the person navigating addiction, as it perpetuates unhealthy patterns and hinders recovery.
What causes codependency?
Codependency can stem from various factors, including childhood experiences, personality traits, and the dynamics of the relationship. Often, individuals who grew up in households where addiction or other dysfunctions were present may develop codependent behaviours as a way to cope with their environment. Traits like people-pleasing, low self-esteem, and fear of abandonment can also contribute to codependency. Additionally, societal expectations around caregiving and gender roles may reinforce these behaviours, making it difficult for individuals to recognize or break free from codependent patterns.
8 tips on how to support someone with addiction while recovering from codependency
1. Set healthy boundaries
Establishing boundaries is crucial for your well-being and your loved one’s recovery. Define what behaviours you will and will not accept, and communicate these boundaries. Sticking to these limits protects you from burnout.
2. Avoid enabling behaviors
While it may be tempting to shield your loved one from the consequences of their addiction, enabling only perpetuates the problem. Resist the urge to cover up their mistakes or provide resources that support their addiction. Allowing them to face the natural consequences of their actions is vital for their growth and recovery.
3. Focus on your recovery
Just as your loved one needs to work on their recovery, so do you. Engage in activities that promote your mental and emotional health, such as therapy, support groups, or hobbies. By focusing on your growth, you build resilience and reduce the impact of codependency on your life.
4. Seek professional help
Don’t hesitate to seek support from a therapist or counsellor who specializes in addiction and codependency. Professional guidance can provide you with the tools to navigate your relationship healthily and to focus on your recovery.
5. Practice self-compassion
Be kind to yourself and recognize that you cannot control your loved one’s addiction. Accept that it’s okay to feel frustrated or sad. These emotions do not make you a bad person. Practicing self-compassion can help you manage the emotional toll of supporting someone with addiction while prioritizing your well-being.
6. Educate yourself about addiction
Understanding the nature of addiction can help you approach your loved one’s struggles with empathy and clarity. Learn about the disease of addiction, its effects on the brain, and the recovery process. This knowledge can help you support your loved one in a more informed and compassionate way.
7. Join a support group
Connecting with others who are going through similar experiences can provide valuable support and perspective. Support groups offer a safe space to share your feelings, learn from others, and gain strength from a community of people who understand what you’re going through.
8. Celebrate small victories
Acknowledge and celebrate your progress and your loved ones, no matter how small. Recovery is a long and challenging journey, and it’s important to recognize steps forward, however minor they may seem. Celebrating these victories can boost morale and reinforce positive change.
Start your journey today
Supporting someone with addiction while recovering from codependency is a delicate balance, but it’s one you can achieve with the right strategies and support. Begin by implementing these tips in your life, and remember that you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. If you’re ready to take the next step in your recovery, consider reaching out for professional guidance or joining a support group. Together, we can overcome the challenges of codependency and build a healthier, more balanced life. If you need support in achieving this balance, book a free consultation today. Together, we can create a path that honours both your present reality and your future potential.
Read more from Sarah Montes
Sarah Montes, Addiction Counsellor
Sarah Montes, founder and CEO of Sarah Montes Recovery Services, is a Lived Experience Addiction Counselor with a profound understanding of the complexities of addiction and recovery. Having overcome personal struggles, she has held pivotal roles in withdrawal management and residential treatment centers. Her work, infused with deep empathy and unwavering commitment, extends beyond her practice to other clinics and treatment centres, where she supports individuals, families, and communities on their journeys to healing.
