Written by: Raeesa Mahomed, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
A while ago a woman came to me for life coaching. In the free introductory session which I offer all my clients she told me she was 45, happily married with two grown up children. They were both well adjusted achievers and one of them was happily married. Her family was wealthy and she spent her days visiting friends and family, shopping and attending functions. They had at least two holidays a year, one local and one overseas, although overseas travel had been curtailed for a while due to COVID restrictions. She was in reasonably good health.
What right do you have to be depressed?
By now I was wondering why she wanted coaching (as I’m sure you are). I asked her what I could help her with. She said she was depressed – everyone thought she had a charmed life and in a way she also realised that she was fortunate so added to her depression was guilt about being depressed. Her mother had actually told her to snap out of it as she was ungrateful and had no right to be depressed. But she (my client) was miserable because she felt she had done nothing with her life. I pointed out that indeed she had: she had built a successful marriage and brought up two children who were doing very well. She also was a bit of an anchor in her extended family. She conceded to all those things and that she is grateful to God for it all (she was very spiritual). But this is not what she wanted from her life when she was young. She went to University and got a degree.
She wanted a career but got married instead and her time was then taken over with household duties and then childcare. She always wanted to do something more but never got the chance and she also admitted to becoming complacent because she didn’t have to work for economic reasons. When the children didn’t need her anymore, she tried to busy herself with other activities but the nagging feeling of unhappiness, of a wasted life, refused to go away. She was at a point where she was so out of the loop that she didn’t know what to do or how to move forward. I coached her and I am happy to say we got her onto a path of achieving the goals which were important to her and she is now productive in a field that she wanted to pursue.
What’s important to you?
This client was not unique. I’ve seen others like her and I’m sure you’ve come across this as well. The point I am making with this story though is this: Society largely uses certain yardsticks to measure happiness – wealth or material comfort, good health and successful relationships feature right up there. If someone has all these they have no business being depressed right? Wrong. This is not my experience with the many clients I have coached. Yes of course the factors I mentioned are very important, but I have found that the one overriding and most important factor that determines a person’s level of ‘happiness’ and life satisfaction is living a life of purpose and meaning. What does this mean? Why didn’t my client feel that her life had meaning when she had achieved so much and had so much that others would covet? The thing is – one will only feel that they are living a life of purpose if what they have or are living/doing is what is important to them. They must feel that they are fulfilling what they consider is their purpose in life.
How do I get there?
Often, far too many people don’t even know what their purpose is. That is why they come to me – to ‘find themselves’, to find out who they are, to get in touch with themselves. This is what they say. What they really mean is they want to live a life aligned with their purpose; they want to do what is important to them, what brings them a sense of fulfilment. My coaching programme is designed for this. I take them through a process of discovering their conscious and subconscious values, formulating goals based on those values and a system of achieving those goals. In the process, I guide them to let go of all that is holding them back (old programming, inner conflict, negative beliefs etc). The relief and joy when they get to this point is amazing. It’s because they are finally doing what they feel they are on this earth for.
Is it good enough?
It doesn’t matter what that purpose is as long as it is not harmful to you or others. One purpose or life goal is not ‘better’ than or more superior to another. Qualifying as a nuclear scientist is not more satisfying to someone who wants to be a wife and mother. It all depends on the individual and what is important to them and they decide that. I am just a guide to help them on that journey. The bottom line is that their life’s work or a substantial part of their life’s activity must be aligned to that, either in time or outcomes. Of course I help people towards a purpose that will be an expression of their better or best selves. For example, if someone thinks that what’s important to them is watching porn, eating junk food or numbing themselves with drugs or alcohol, I do not support them in these goals. Thankfully, clients usually come to me for help to stop these destructive habits.
Universal angst
This goes to the core of the human experience and the endless questions we ask ourselves about why we are here and what is our purpose and the meaning of life. I believe that a large part of our angst is addressed through being able to find out what our purpose is and being able to fulfil it in some way. Of course we are well aware that this is by no means the answer to all dissatisfaction and unhappiness (if only). Life will constantly throw us challenges ; something will always be off kilter and will need working on – either with our health, relationships, finances etc. (let alone calamities and disasters that can occur). But that’s also the meaning of life – being able to constantly meet those challenges and do our best to address and overcome them. However, if we don’t even know why we are here or where we are going, it will all seem pointless.
Nail your purpose
Every single one of us is here for a reason. Every one of us has a unique talent and ability and inclination and set of experiences that is nudging us towards fulfilling a particular purpose. Find out what yours is, nurture it and create a life of meaning.
Raeesa Mahomed
Transformational Life Coach
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You can also email her at info@raeesamahomed.co.za. Read more from Raeesa!
Raeesa Mahomed, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Raeesa Mahomed is a transformational life coach, and her tagline 'Be the best you' aptly describes the results she gets with her clients. Raeesa has helped hundreds of clients remove negative programming from the subconscious mind and take them to a place of positivity and empowerment and, in so doing create the life they want. She comes from a decades-long award-winning international career in radio, TV, and film, and her path to deep self-reflection and life coaching began when she faced a life-threatening illness a few years ago. She now also helps others heal from disease by addressing their emotional health and spirituality. She is also a writer and motivational speaker.
