Written by: Peter Paul Parker, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you ever really thought how you are when you meet people for the first time? Be it a prospective client, or new business acquaintance, or even someone at a party. It is something I have never really thought about until recently. Having my profession in the mind, body, spirit arena, I do meet many Buddhists, which is wonderful.
But what I do notice is the attachment they have to certain elements of our society. I find this strange because as limited as my knowledge of Buddhism is, I know it is all about detaching from many of the things the people I meet are attached to.
I would like to share a lecture I saw given by Robert A F Thurman, who comes across as a completely unattached Buddhist. He has a wonderful sense of humour, a complete unique way of presenting the information he supplies, and seems really happy with himself.
He said we are conditioned to approach new people into our lives in three different ways. The first way is that we would immediately judge people to be beneath us. That is, they may not be as successful as us, they may have a smaller grasp of the language we share, or their clothing may not be the type of clothing you like, and you may consider them to be poor peoples clothing.
How do you think the person feels when they start to perceive that you think that you are above them? How do you treat this person in front of you? Maybe with a small element of contempt? Maybe a small element of ‘I am better than you?’ Maybe even the feeling of they are not worth talking to? The quality of the interaction will decline very rapidly if any or even all of these elements are in place. I do see it a lot around me with other people struggling to get ahead.
The second way we approach people is that we are on the same level as them. Does this wake up the competition inside of you? Do you feel that you need to over impress to show how great you are compared to them? Do you want to knock them down a peg or two so that you can shine and they can’t?’ We have to be really honest with ourselves. If we have elements or even all of these feelings when meeting someone for the first time, again the quality of the interaction will decline.
And the third way is that we feel the person we are meeting is above us. Does this make you put them on a pedestal? Are you hanging on every word for them to make a mistake with their words and then hit them with everything you have got to bring them down a notch or two? Do you look at them with contempt thinking to yourself ‘What have you got that I haven’t?’ Be honest. Have you ever approached anyone like this in your life, when meeting them for the first time?
I can say honestly, I have. And I realise it is the way we have been conditioned to be in our society. When I was younger in the heyday of my music career, I did have an ego the size of a continent. And yes, it helped me to get somewhere in music. But it also left scars behind me, where people used to avoid me, and make excuses to stay away from my company. I have empathy with them, because I feel much the same about the previous me.
Answer this question honestly. Do you use elements of any of the points I have raised here? If so, identify which ones. And are you prepared to work on them. There is a magic and a wonder to meeting new experiences with an open mind, a receptive heart and no pre conceptions to what is going to happen because of what you see in front of you. It works. Any other way can, and most probably will, lead to problems.
I see so many entrepreneurs in the world paraphrasing the gurus of business, without any meaning behind what they are saying. I see many of the amazing books that have been written like ‘Think and Grow Rich’, by Napoleon Hill, actually came from deeper concepts highlighted by Joseph Campbell. In fact, the blockbuster movies from Star Wars came from the life research of Joseph Campbell. Much of the surface world we see today, is now coming from a deeper knowledge. How do you find that deeper knowledge? It is no secret.
To have confidence in what you are doing you need to know who you are. You need to set your goals from inside. You need to feel the passion for what you are doing, and then use that passion to serve the people around you. If you look at everyone you meet as an opportunity to serve, rather than all the other pre-mentioned states, life will change for you. But how?
You will have more empathy for who you are meeting. This goes hand in hand with business owners as well as people who are meeting new friends. You will no longer look at people and feel they are below you and therefore you can use or abuse them in any way you please. Or see people as your equal, and want to nudge them back so you get the spotlight. Or even put them on a pedestal, where you will always to knock them off their perch.
In business, people talk about their ideal avatars. Imagine your ideal avatar being you. Imagine speaking to yourself. How would you ask questions? How would you answer questions? How would you act?
Another great teacher is Carolyn Myss. In her workshops, she gets people to right down how the attendee wants people to be like when they meet them for the first time. The list is usually quite long. And the person meeting the one with the list will end up just saying ‘hello’, for fear of violating one of the clauses on the list. This is just another way of breaking down the preconceptions we have when we meet people for the first time.
It is you who is stopping you from being confident. This will be true if you are setting your goals to other people’s standards. Success to a lot of people will be the end of their problems. This just simply isn’t true. I was on a podcast last night talking about my music career, and said that nothing really changed inside of me, but suddenly I was on tour, releasing records, recording in the studio and doing all the wonderful things musicians do. But all my problems were still there. And people saw me as confident, but I wasn’t deep inside because I was still approaching people in the wrong way.
That has all changed now. My avatar in my business is me. Someone who has suffered from emotional childhood wounds, which brought on anxiety and even depression at times. Now, I am so far away from that existence, it is unbelievable. I walk into conversations with an open mind, and receptive heart and a passion for wanting to help the person infront of me in any way that I can. That gives me the confidence to speak to anyone at any level about anything.
There is a wonderful story that highlights this. There is a little village at the bottom of a beautiful mountain in an idyllic spot. One of the villagers was always talking about becoming wiser and enlightened and was going to visit the holy man who lived halfway up the mountain. He talked about it for years, and finally, the day came, and he ventured up the mountain to meet the holy man to get his wisdom and enlightenment.
He took courage and knocked on the door of this beautiful house. Everything was perfect but simple. A man answered the door, and the visitor asked ‘Where is the holy man who lives here, as I have many questions about expanding my wisdom and becoming enlightened?’ The man takes him through the house and to the back door. He then lets him out the back door and shows him the path to go back to the front of the house.
The visitor was puzzled and asked the man from the house, ‘Where is the holy man who is going to give me lessons on wisdom and enlightenment?’ And the holy man replied ‘There is wisdom to learn and enlightenment to gain in everyone you meet.’
Meeting new people can lead to the building blocks of a much better life. I see that when we treat each interaction as a learning experience, an opportunity to serve and also to grow, meeting new people takes on a new perspective. And you can be confident in yourself that you are growing all the time, if you are allowing the lessons to come to you.
When all of humanity starts to operate from this place, we will be living in an amazing world. There is a little way to go, but go out there and be confident with what you have, and grow into the human being you want to be. It takes time, but we have time in this life, if we choose.
I run a coaching programme for people with emotional childhood wounds, who are suffering from anxiety and lack of confidence. You can check it out here if you click the link and see if this is for you. It will take about 20 minutes of your time. If you feel it is for you, I will see you at some point in the future. I look forward to that with an open heart. If it is not for you, go forth and be confident.
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Peter Paul Parker, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Peter Paul Parker is an expert in the mind-body connection, a sound healer, and working with both the energy body and the physical body. Peter is a Ki Gong champion, having entered a competition with the British Team in Korea in 2016, winning the International competition. Peter has run a successful coaching business for many years and has particularly done some amazing work with the elderly. He has set up a charity called Brighter Living to help the elderly with their health and well-being using Ki Gong and meditation. Peter has also worked with schools in his local area, helping people connect with themselves, from grandchild to grandparents. Peter has launched the Bright Beings Academy, which is his online business, which incorporates everything that he does to empower people to reach their full potential as human beings. Peter's motto is "If you don't own your future self, somebody else will!"
