Written by: Bethany Perry, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Like many people, I have personally experienced abuse and trauma. I know firsthand the courage and mindfulness needed to move forward into healing and wholehearted living. One misconception about trauma that I’d love to demystify is the idea that only those who have been through extreme experiences (such as physical abuse or war) are ‘qualified’ to use the term ‘trauma.’ This is simply not true!
Today ‘existential trauma’ is increasingly common around the world. Existential trauma is less widely known but important to understand. ‘Existential’ means ‘relating to existence.’ You might be familiar with the term ‘existential crisis’ or ‘existential dread’ which refers to the experience of questioning the meaning of one’s own life or feeling lost in terms of one’s life purpose.
Existential trauma refers to the negative impact of ongoing anxiety and worries over one’s life path. It happens during times when existence itself feels uncertain and unsettled. During the pandemic, even the language that was widely used seemed to fuel this collective existential fire. High repetition of terms like ‘new normal,’ ‘social distancing,’ and ‘out of an abundance of caution’ only emphasize the highly variable nature of our lives during these ‘unprecedented times.’
Experiences like living through a global pandemic can trigger anxiety, discomfort or the desire to numb our feelings. During stressful times like these, people turn to familiar coping mechanisms, whether healthy or not. Mix in all the ‘special features’ of the pandemic like increased sleep disruption, changes in living conditions, under-or unemployment, and school cancellations – unfortunately, the list of stressors goes on and on!
Before we get to how to overcome these struggles (coming soon!), here’s an important primer on the physical experiences of trauma: When the brain perceives a threat, our executive functioning (which happens in the prefrontal cortex) goes offline. It is as if a switch flips and – just like that! – our ‘thinking brain’ is in the dark.
What happens next can be a variety of things, but none of them is enjoyable or relaxing. Anger, sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, despair, fatigue and more can be reactions of traumatic response. Even cognitive processes, like thinking creatively, problem-solving, or accessing memories, can be impaired, at least temporarily.
Our behaviors, like how and what we eat, can also be impacted. When we are stressed, fatigued, feeling overwhelmed and lacking sleep, our appetites can get ramped up and we naturally turn to food to feed our physical hunger. Unfortunately, this pattern easily leads to using food as a way of satisfying our emotional ‘hunger,’ by providing much needed short-term relief from troubling feelings. Eating elicits hormones and neurotransmitters that can take the ‘edge’ off that emotional discomfort we want a much-needed break from. This behavior can quickly turn into a reinforcing pattern if we lack the awareness to see ourselves engaging in this cycle. In the first year of the pandemic, 42% of Americans reported unwanted weight gain, at an average of 29 pounds. The stress associated with weight gain often compounds and the cycle perpetuates.
When many of us are experiencing similar challenges, our relationships and interactions become affected. Witnessing our own or other people’s emotional reactivity – expressing what’s inside without any regard for the consequences – demonstrates this trauma response in real-time. The ‘emotional brain’ (midbrain) is responding, while the ‘thinking brain’ (prefrontal cortex) is unable to intervene with logic and reflection. This is a normal function of our brain, and yet it is not helping us get along with one another – especially if we lack awareness around what is happening. Most of us don’t understand our brain’s response to trauma in even these basic terms. Without that understanding, how can we begin to change our impulsive reactions to measured responses?
Due to the consistent uncertainty, the pandemic life has introduced a lot of fear into our everyday existence. When we are living with fear, it’s so hard to connect with ourselves. Some of us might not even be aware that our emotional reactions are hurtful to others, while others might come to this awareness after the fact, leading to shame and guilt. It’s easy to feel like you are ping-ponging between The Hulk and Bruce Banner. When we are not feeling or acting ‘like ourselves’ it’s easy to start questioning “Who am I anyway?” This lack of solidity, around our sense of self, only contributes to the existential dread that set the cycle off in the first place.
This is a time where human beings need love – true unconditional love, full of grace for ourselves and others. That can be a tall order to fill when we are operating from our midbrain. So how can we begin to change this? I believe we must first recognize and be honest with ourselves when we are in a state of ‘reaction’. This basic self-awareness is fundamentally important; it will help create the space we need to acknowledge our own fears.
The following is an overview of common emotions and reactions along with recommendations for a more loving response:
When we are confused, hurt or emotionally upset, it is common to feel fatigued, burnt out, angry, or ashamed, and/or to engage in emotional eating, substance use, or blaming others. If this is your experience:
Allow yourself to feel your feelings
Book a Life Coaching session
Schedule a Brainspotting session. It is a neuroexperiential technique that addresses the subcortical brain and the principal “where you look matters”. A beautiful gift of brainspotting is that it’s not necessary to discuss the specific traumas being addressed. With PTSD this can be particularly helpful as there is no need to re-live the experience. While it can be discussed, our experiences (good and bad) do not live in our talking, thinking brain.
You will be guided to bring your awareness to the physical sensations in your body and connect them with an eye position. Brainspotting is based on the concept that specific eye positions enhance or decrease unpleasant body sensations that accompany emotional experiences. While it is incredibly beneficial for anxiety and trauma, it also provides optimal athletic performance, test-taking skills and expansion in areas you desire to grow.
Start a meditation practice
Try EFT (emotional freedom technique, also known as ‘tapping’)
When we are angry (regardless of the reason why), it is common to overreact, act out, harm others or ourselves. If this is your experience:
Take some time out. Allow yourself to release the emotion by screaming into a soft pillow.
Throw a bag of ice cubes at your driveway or a brick wall is another great way to release anger (just watch out for others and glass!)
Anger is a secondary emotion, meaning it is a response to something deeper. Once you feel calmer, take some time to reflect on what initiated the anger. Often you will find it was something that caused you to feel afraid, ashamed, guilty or fearful.
When we are feeling ‘off’, emotionally sensitive, or unmotivated, it is common to experience shame, suppress emotions, engage in emotional eating, substance use, or blame others. If this is your experience:
Notice the sensations in your body. A guided meditation like a Body Scan can help with this. Any practice that focuses your attention on breathing will also help (*write me and I will send you a meditation for free*)
Go on a walk. Connect with nature. Many elements of the outside world immediately reduce our stress levels.
Take a hot bath with epsom salt and your favorite essential oil
Lay down in a quiet or darkroom. Consider taking a 10-minute power nap.
While not exhaustive, this list can be used as a quick reference guide to some of the more common experiences people struggle with and the ‘antidotes’ for those challenges. You may have noticed that one common thread is creating space for these emotions to be expressed. Unfortunately, we live in a society where this is not encouraged. Anger gets a ‘free pass,’ which is why anger often manifests when other emotions such as fear, shame, guilt, or sadness, need to be expressed. Think about what kinds of messages we receive (and give one another) about crying. When it comes to crying, we are constantly trying to shut it down or clean it up – we even tell babies not to cry, when they are only doing what comes naturally. Crying is part of the human experience throughout our life spans. By trying to avoid it, we only compound our emotional problems. Like I always say, “Tears inside the body are like saltwater in a can – they rust; outside the body, salt flavors the earth.”
Of course, we don’t want to live in a world where we all sit around crying all the livelong day! But when we feel powerful emotions, they need to move through our bodies so that we can process them. When we give ourselves permission to go through this experience, our bodies can move into a state of balance called homeostasis. This allows us to be our best selves – compassionate, creative, and caring. Simply being in a homeostatic state builds our resilience by allowing us to be the social creatures that we are. Our opinions and thoughts can differ, but we can still feel connected to one another through what we have in common.
Transforming trauma (regardless of how we came by it) is the key to a Whole Healed Life. It’s just what you need. Join our community and our mission to heal the world, one person at a time!
Bethany Perry, Executive Contributor Braiinz Magazine
As a gifted and intuitive Transformation Coach and Motivational Speaker, Bethany Perry has more than 30 years of experience in various healing modalities. She utilizes Neuroscience, Emotional Health, Nutrition, and Yoga to inspire clients to safely explore and overcome a variety of biopsychosocial challenges. These are the 4 pillars of Bethany Perry's Whole Life Healing method. By combining these pillars with the practice of meditation, Bethany’s compassionate approach gently and lovingly promotes healing, especially for clients who may not have had success with other methods.
She is a certified as: a Neuroscience Life & Health Coach; with the Daniel Amen Affiliated Education Center; Brainspotting Practitioner; Trauma & Resilience Coach through Arizona Trauma Institute; Transformational Coaching based on NLP methodology; Experienced Yoga Instructor; KRIPA Iyengar Yoga teacher for Addiction & Addiction related ailments including TBI, and more. Bethany is the owner and founder of Whole Life Healing Coach, and Whole Life Healing Centers, a nonprofit that provides comprehensive healing strategies for individuals and families impacted by emotional and physical trauma.
