Dr. Zyer Beaty is a therapist, counselor educator, and advocate for intentional wellness. Zyer founded Dr. Z Therapy and Coaching, a private practice centering holistic wellness and psychoeducation. As a professor and former school counselor, her research in global education and mental health enriches her innovative work in the field.
Relationships are beautiful when they are healthy, full of love, acceptance, and genuine connection. However, timing is everything. Sometimes, the relationships we desire aren’t always the ones that are best for us at the moment. Other times, you may think you’re ready for a relationship, only to realize that you have no clear expectations, or that your expectations of true partnership are unrealistic.
Before diving into a new relationship, it’s important to reflect on your emotional readiness. Are you truly prepared to show up as your best self, or are there areas of personal growth that need attention first?
Ten signs to work on yourself first before entering a serious relationship
1. You don’t believe you deserve a healthy relationship
If you struggle with self-worth and believe that love is something you have to "earn" by overcompensating, tolerating mistreatment, or settling for less than you deserve, it may be time to focus on self-love. A healthy relationship starts with believing that you are worthy of love, respect, and mutual effort.
2. You lack boundaries
Healthy relationships require clear boundaries. If you find yourself saying “yes” when you really mean “no,” tolerating behavior that makes you uncomfortable, or feeling responsible for others’ emotions, you may need to work on boundary-setting. Boundaries protect your emotional well-being and help foster balanced, respectful relationships.
3. You consistently compare potential partners to exes
If you constantly measure new people against your past relationships, whether longing for what you had or fearing history will repeat itself, you might still be emotionally tied to your ex. Healing from past relationships is essential before starting a new one so you can see your new partner for who they truly are.
4. You jump from one relationship to another
If you rarely take time between relationships to reflect, heal, and grow, you might be using relationships as a distraction from personal work. Taking intentional breaks allows you to develop self-awareness, independence, and a stronger sense of self.
5. You struggle with effective communication
Healthy communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. If you find it difficult to express your needs, actively listen, or resolve conflicts without shutting down or becoming defensive, this can lead to recurring issues. Developing communication skills before entering a relationship can help prevent misunderstandings and frustration later.
6. You feel lonely rather than content being alone
There’s a difference between loneliness and enjoying solitude. If you seek relationships out of fear of being alone rather than from a desire for meaningful connection, you may end up in unhealthy dynamics. Learning to enjoy your own company builds self-sufficiency and helps ensure you choose a partner for the right reasons.
7. You haven’t established personal goals
A fulfilling relationship consists of two individuals who support each other's growth. If you don’t have personal goals, ambitions, or a clear sense of direction, you may lose yourself in a relationship. Focusing on personal growth ensures that you bring a whole, evolving version of yourself to a partnership.
8. You rely on external validation for self-worth
If your confidence and happiness depend on a partner’s approval or attention, you may struggle with self-esteem. A relationship should enhance your life, not define your worth. Learning to validate yourself internally ensures that your sense of self remains intact, regardless of your relationship status.
9. You avoid vulnerability
Deep emotional connections require vulnerability. If you struggle to open up, fear emotional intimacy, or keep walls up to protect yourself, it can create distance in relationships. Doing the inner work to feel safe with emotional openness allows for healthier, more fulfilling connections.
10. You have no expectations in relationships (or unrealistic ones)
Having no expectations at all can lead to tolerating unhealthy behaviors, while unrealistic expectations can set you up for disappointment. A balanced approach involves knowing what you need in a relationship while also being flexible and open to mutual growth.
Being in a healthy, loving relationship starts with being emotionally ready. If you resonate with several of these signs, it might be beneficial to take time for self-reflection, healing, and personal growth before seeking a relationship. Doing the inner work not only benefits you but also helps create the foundation for a healthier, more fulfilling partnership when the time is right.
At Dr. Z Therapy and Coaching, LLC, we help you reach a place where you feel emotionally ready to step into love. Are you currently working on any of these areas? Reach out today!
Read more from Zyer Beaty
Zyer Beaty, PhD, LPC, Dr. Z Therapy and Coaching
Dr. Zyer Beaty, a therapist, counselor educator, and wellness advocate, founded Dr. Z Therapy and Coaching, a haven for holistic well-being and psychoeducation. Leveraging her roles as a current professor and former school counselor, Zyer blends innovative methods with insights from global education and mental health research. Specializing in assisting various demographics, she addresses issues like ADHD, depression, and life transitions. Her mission centers on guiding individuals towards authentic, unapologetic living. Dr. Zyer fosters an inclusive environment where everyone can uncover value and purpose in their journey, advocating holistic care and personal empowerment.
