Written by: Dr. Adriana Popescu, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Imagine growing up in a family in which you were totally nurtured and cared for, in which you were given the space to be you, and your gifts, talents and abilities were embraced with enthusiasm and joy. Imagine that you were not judged or criticized, and you were continuously encouraged to explore, create, and be happy. Imagine what it would be like if you were surrounded by people who truly cared for you and desired for you to be as great as you actually are.
Did you grow up like this? Unfortunately, most of us did not and for many it seems like a far-off fantasy. The reality in which so many of us grew up is likely more similar to a soap opera or telenovela with suffering, conflict, unhappiness, and difficulties being the daily norm. We might have been surrounded by drama, learning that sadness, struggle, pain, and judgment were the “normal” way to live.
When we are immersed in this kind of environment, our bodies and brains become entrained to this way of living; the highs and lows, the ups and downs, the waiting for the other shoe to drop. When we function in this way we actually become addicted to drama.
With this addiction, people who care for us and don’t judge us can seem “boring” or suspect. We wonder what is wrong when there are no “problems” or when there is actual peace and calm. When we achieve success or things are flowing smoothly, we may find a way to sabotage or mess it up. We may unconsciously crave the more familiar feelings of upset, the adrenaline rush of chaos, and reach for something to get us into drama.
Are you addicted to drama like this? As a licensed clinical psychologist and Clinical Director at a drug and alcohol rehab, I have discovered that there are many common characteristics of drama addiction:
You grew up in an environment where there was lots of trauma and drama, where family members were always fighting, getting upset or angry at each other, with lots of emotional pain, blame, and regret.
There were people around you who were suffering from mental illness and/or addicted to drugs or alcohol. You were raised in a place or time of tremendous stress or turmoil. My parents, for example, grew up in World War II Romania and communism, and that imprinting had a deep impact on their outlook on the world and on people in general.
You have suffered one or many traumatic events or sudden losses. Without tools or support to move past it, you live and remember this pain every day. You often create or attract situations in which you re-experience similar events.
You see a value to the pain and suffering. This may seem illogical but there is often a hidden payoff in being addicted to drama; perhaps the sense that you will somehow be rewarded for it someday (as taught by many religions) or that getting through it proves that you are a “better” or “stronger” person.
Research clearly indicates that living in this way can have a profound and lasting impact on your nervous system. You may become wired to seek out drama, chaos, and the “rush” of dopamine, adrenaline, and other brain chemicals that come from struggles that feel familiar from your past.
So what do we do when we are addicted to drama? Is there a way out? What do we do?
The first step is to recognize if you are addicted to drama. Sometimes just being aware of what is actually going on can provide a measure of freedom. It can be as simple as saying to yourself: “I am being a drama queen right now,” or “I am getting caught up in drama right now.”
The next step from there is to recognize that you have a choice. “Ok, I get that I am doing drama right now, what else could I choose? What would work better for me here?”
It is also very important to clear the energy of the drama (especially unresolved traumas from the past and limiting beliefs) that keeps you functioning in this way. There are many techniques that can be incredibly calming and also rewire the nervous system, quelling the “fight or flight” response and the brain chemicals that get activated by drama. Some methods that I highly recommend and use with clients include: breathing, meridian tapping/EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), Access Consciousness Bars®, Be Set Free Fast™, and NET (Neuro Emotional Technique). While you can learn and discover many of these on your own, I highly recommend seeking out a trained facilitator or mental health professional to get you started.
Finally, one other technique I teach my clients is to ask questions: What is this? What in me is getting activated? How else could I respond? What would I like to create in this situation? Especially when we have always been a part of the drama, we don’t always see that we can actually ask a question, make a different choice, and go down a different, healthier road.
Addiction to drama is everywhere (Just take a look at the news and social media!). We don’t have to buy it and make it true for us, no matter what we learned from our families, society, country, or culture. The good news is that there are powerful techniques to make a different choice and open up a different possibility; one of ease, peace, and happiness no matter what is going on around us.
Would you like to hear more on this topic? I am doing a free Facebook Live on my Ask Dr. Adriana video series on Wednesday, March 2nd @ 11 am PT.
The recording will be available on that Facebook page, or on my YouTube channel.
I also have a class on Breaking the Addiction to Trauma and Drama for sale in my shop:
Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Linkedin, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Adriana!
Dr. Adriana Popescu, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Dr. Adriana Popescu is a licensed clinical psychologist and empowerment coach with over 25 years of experience in the mental health field. She specializes in treating addiction, co-occurring disorders, and trauma, and has directed a number of treatment programs in the San Francisco Bay Area. Adriana has a private practice in San Francisco and travels around the world coaching and facilitating transformational and empowering workshops. She coauthored the Conscious Being, Conscious Recovery, and Conscious Creation Workbooks, and she hosts a fascinating podcast called Kaleidoscope of Possibilities – Alternative Perspectives on Mental Health. She loves to empower people to overcome their imagined limitations, release their self-judgments, and discover the brilliance within – creating a life of infinite possibilities.
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