Written by: Angela Dawn, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
When women find out I’m a Sex Coach, they tend to feel free to tell me about what’s happening (or not happening) in their sex life. Frequently, I speak with women who are in or approaching menopause. I hear that they don’t have sex with their partner(s) or they don’t have much sex. They’ve given up on sex. They often tell me that they prefer brief sexual encounters or that they’re afraid to have sex because of pain. They have painful sex. Some say that they don’t want sex like they did in the past because their libido isn’t what it was.
Their desire has vanished. Others say they don’t feel sexy. When I ask about their self-pleasure practice, I hear that it involves only a few minutes with a vibrator or that they simply don’t need that kind of pleasure anymore. “That ship has sailed.”
These women I meet are not alone. Menopausal women often feel they have low desire. Several studies have shown that menopausal women avoid sex due to pain during intercourse. If you have low desire and pain during the act, why would you want to have sex at all?! Of course, you avoid it!
Growing apart
How does this impact your partnership? The short answer is that many partners of these women say her low sex drive has affected their relationship. An aspect of the partnership has fallen away – and died. The closeness they once shared is gone. If they are content to just be in a committed relationship with a good friend, these partners put their sex lives on a shelf – and try to forget about it, too. Or, they may decide to look elsewhere and find satisfaction outside of their partnership.
Growing apart in our partnerships is normalized. Society hasn’t shown us a different way to be. Social media and advertising show us that sexy women are young women. Religious conditioning tells us pleasure isn’t allowed in the first place. Ageism tells us that our bodies aren’t worthy of receiving pleasure. Plus, the physical realities of hormonal changes seem to be fighting us every step of the way. So, we “go with the flow” and turn off our intimate lives. We focus on other things. We lose a part of ourselves that was once important to us.
Turn on instead of turning off
Here’s why we should be “turning on” instead:
Sexual activity helps our hormones by boosting oxytocin, lowering cortisol & releasing prolactin.
Self-pleasure and sex increase blood flow, leading to less dryness and healthier tissue.
Sex and orgasm (alone or partnered!) elevate your sense of well-being and improve sleep.
Menopause can be a time of liberation! No more worries about unwanted pregnancy, no need to track your cycle, or worry about when it will interfere with your next great vacation. If you raised children, they might be grown (or certainly not need as much hands-on attention) and not get in the way of you getting intimate at home. Your career is more secure, so you may have more time (and money) to spend with your spouse and on hobbies.
Women's beliefs make a difference
What if we took advantage of the positive aspects of the perimenopause and menopause years? What if we tuned into the wisdom and power of menopause? The fact that we know ourselves, our bodies, and our desires? What if we took our newfound time to ourselves and with our partners and turned it into playtime? What if we capitalized on the hormone surge that often happens to women just before menopause? What if we used this time to connect with ourselves, our bodies, and our partners? If we did these things, we could be having the best sex of our lives!
Let me tell you what is true:
Feeling sexy is not limited to women of a particular age group.
Pleasure is your birthright.
Everyone can learn to expand their pleasure.
Our bodies are full of wisdom.
These four truths are the bedrock of the program I created for women over 45 to come back to the pleasure of their bodies. We still own our sexiness at any age. And we deserve to be having the best sex of our lives – partnered or not!
Intimacy training transforms
When I dreamed up my group coaching program, Peri-Pleasure, I wanted to make it accessible to the most women possible. I needed to make it a fraction of the cost of 1:1 coaching – and offer it all on Zoom. I also wanted to offer personalization, so I kept it limited. I also knew I couldn’t teach everything I wanted women to learn in this container. So, I invited some of the best minds in women’s health to join me to speak about hormones, lifestyle, the pelvic floor, and ancient wisdom. Forming this exclusive group learning opportunity allows me to reach more women, teach pleasure fundamentals (like sensuality, breathwork, & heart opening) alongside medical wisdom, and help you create a mind-blowing self-pleasure practice that will change your life!
If you’re over 45 and you want to become alive in your body, get in touch with your sensuality, reduce stress, expand your pleasure, and open your heart, book a call with Angela to discuss whether Peri-Pleasure is right for you!
Angela Dawn, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Angela (she/her) is a Certified Sex, Love & Relationship Coach and a Certified Tantric Sex Coach, dedicated to helping couples Get Closer. With a wealth of experience in yoga and Tibetan Buddhism, she brings a holistic approach to her coaching. Angela's mission is to empower clients to find fulfillment in love and life, free from societal taboos. Based in Annapolis, Maryland, her unique perspective and extensive training in tantric practices make her the ideal guide for enriching your intimate relationships. Don't wait; the time for the best version of yourself in love and intimacy is now!
