Written by: Vivien Hudson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In today’s age, when we refer to connection difficulties, we could be easily confused with internet connectivity. What we are referring to is human connectivity. Workplaces offer some of the greatest opportunities to improve connection. Oftentimes, we spend more time at work than we do with our own family. Unfortunately, instead of creating the haven of community and comradeship that is possible, workplaces have become increasingly lonely. Workload pressures, focus on personal achievement, bad behavior that is tolerated and perceived unfairness could all be reasons we miss the mark. In our personal lives, we fail to befriend our new neighbors, and sit head down looking at our phones when we have the perfect opportunity to connect with a human being sitting right next to us.
Some startling statistics about our human disconnection:
An EY Belonging Barometer study found that 80% of employees have felt or feel lonely at work
A 2020 report by Cigna cites that 61% of Americans classify as lonely
69% of managers feel uncomfortable having a one-on-one conversation with their direct reports
The impact of loneliness on the human condition is profound. Several meta-analyses showed that the health risk of loneliness is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes per day. The scars of loneliness are further evidenced by the psychological effects of solitary confinement on prisoners. Studies suggest that solitary confinement of 15 days or more can lead to permanent psychological damage.
Loneliness in the workplace results in poor performance, workplace disengagement, increases turnover, and negatively impacts cognitive function. With the pervasiveness of this disconnect it makes sense that workplaces take action to reconnect.
So, what can be done? Improving connection means improving communication. Here are three things that can make an impact.
Psychological Safety
To build true connection people need to feel safe. In accordance with Timothy Clark’s book, The 4 Stages of Psychological Safety, the first step is inclusiveness. An inclusive environment means creating a positive atmosphere where everyone feels seen, heard, and appreciated. Inclusive workplaces need inclusive leaders – ones that are self-aware and good communicators. Inclusive leaders build trust, the foundation of any good relationship. Leaders must nurture a culture where team members are accepted and the organization as whole needs to be collaborative, with shared goals and values.
Develop Self-Awareness
Workers and their managers can benefit from growing their self-awareness. The more we build our self-awareness the more authentic we can become. With authenticity comes a sense of connection that is guided by our intuition.
To effectively lead a team, managers must know their own strengths, blind spots, and biases, as well as have a good understanding of their direct reports and their needs. Developing self-awareness takes honest feedback, keeping an open mind, vulnerability, and self-reflection. Behavioral assessments can help highlight blind spots in your own communication style and help you identify why others are different to you and help you understand how to connect at different levels. Some assessments can even highlight how authentically you show up.
Embrace the Awkward
Often, we don’t communicate because it feels awkward. If we don’t know someone, even talented extroverts can feel awkward starting a conversation. A conversation could be with someone who is new to your team, the organization, or someone who is on your team, but you don’t really ‘get’. Unless we lean into some discomfort, nothing ever gets more comfortable. Anyone who has ever exercised can attest to that one!
Have a small armory of go-to questions as conversation starters. In a universe where we are all told to pride ourselves in our individuality, when we want to create a connection, finding things in common is often an easier way to connect. If this seems challenging, use curiosity and an open mind as a handy second, then use your two ears and one mouth in that proportion. As a willing and active listener, you will go far in building a connection.
A couple of conversation starters –
‘How did you end up in this industry?’
‘What’s your favorite thing to do when you are not at work?’
‘I know we haven’t spoken much. It’s crazy that we have worked together so long, and I don’t even know if you have kids/dogs/have traveled… fill in the blank.’
‘I really want to try to get to know people on our team more. Did you always want to work in this field?’
Or a simple ‘How are you?’ Say it in a way that you make eye contact, pause and help them feel you care about their answer. Even if that means asking it twice.
All change happens one conversation at a time. I read once that each conversation is an opportunity to move a relationship toward or away from each other. Start the conversation with that positive intent. Connecting well with others doesn’t mean getting into the weeds of their life or your own. It doesn’t mean fixing all their problems. It means taking a minute to help someone else feel heard and seen. If we could all take a minute or two longer to slow down our pace when we first connect with others, I wonder what difference we could make?
If you made it to the end of this article, maybe something resonated with you. Not sure where to start? Schedule some time with me and make a new connection.
Vivien Hudson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Vivien Hudson is a reformed pharmacist who went through her own journey of discovery when she trained as a life coach, moved hemispheres, and achieved her Masters in Business Adversity. This training enlightened her to how much change we can affect in our lives by understanding stress, the stories we tell ourselves, and how we show up in our bodies. Self-awareness, finding purpose, and living authentically are at the heart of effective change and leadership. Vivien combines her experience in health and wellbeing, business ownership, and the challenges she has faced in her own life to bring depth and diversity to her work She is trained as a life and performance ontological coach, brain fitness practitioner, on purpose presenter, speaker, and corporate trainer. Her purpose is instilling courage to help those she touches live a life well-lived.
