Written by: Antoinette Njombua-Fombad, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Have you ever wondered why you keep cycling back to certain periods or events that moved you while avoiding the ones that broke you? Or why the thought of certain encounters initiates anxiety and disappointment? We have become programmed to consistently associate those encounters with their negative effects because we avoid a crucial part of understanding the purpose of these events, as the emotions they evoke tend to be unpleasant. Every encounter, negative or positive, is meant to help us grow. They are meant to help us understand ourselves better, the purpose of our interactions, and how they fit into our growth journey.
Emotions are a core blueprint for understanding everything about who we are, our choices, and our life paths. Before this new age of a better understanding of the correlation between energy, awareness, and growth, there existed almost a standard/procedural commonality with managing emotions. The favorable/positive ones were beneficial and favored like a reward system, while the unfavorable/negative ones were shunned and viewed as adverse and valueless.
There is a realization that most individuals connect more with the effects of emotions than the lessons they provide. We tend to stay reactive to emotions rather than proactive. By regular standards, the immediate response during an unpleasant encounter typically initiates the fight or flight response expected and necessary for the body to adjust. That, however, is supposed to be a temporary response meant to begin the next step of evaluating our options and choices. However, with unpleasant emotions, we tend to stay in this response state for extended periods and unconsciously/habitually label them as detrimental.
5 things to remember about emotions:
Every emotion has a purpose, even the unpleasant ones.
Emotions are meant to grow us, not stall us.
Fight or flight is meant to initiate the opportunity to process and learn from our emotions.
Focus on their lessons rather than their effects.
Remember that you always have the power to choose how you react and contribute.
It is important to remember that a negative association to any encounter or experience hinders our ability to benefit from its purpose. Take vulnerability, an emotional state which before social scientists like Brené Brown graced us with a broader exposure to its value, was very often associated with weakness. We feared embracing it because of the general societal perception. Thankfully, as consciousness continues to grow and our appreciation for the value of emotions continues to evolve, there has been a consistent global shift and acceptance of emotions as useful. We now see them as valuable regardless of their effects, allowing for a better understanding and connection with their meaning for ourselves, our choices, actions, and our experiences.
Processing our emotions constructively always allows a greater possibility for growth, and decreases the influence of limiting self-belief. Here is a simple fear-to-growth self-assessment that can help clarify the process of understanding the lessons from emotional encounters, using an example of a lost job opportunity that triggers doubt or distress.
Ask yourself:
Why do I feel disappointed? Is it because I was rejected for the position, or is it because I feel like a failure?
Why do I feel like a failure or rejected? Is it because I am worried about others' perception of me, or is it because I wasn’t good enough?
Why is it important to me what people think of me, or why am I not good enough? Is it because I have attachment issues, or is it because I wasn’t prepared enough?
What do I need to work on to start detaching myself from the needed approval of others, and what do I have to do to become better at the skills needed to increase my chances of getting that position?
See, emotions are the first breadcrumbs needed to lead us through the journey of understanding ourselves, our circumstances, and how we can make better choices as we grow into who we want to become. When this becomes our vantage point, our connection to the purpose of our emotional experiences truly becomes elevated and solution-driven. They become the absolute ingredient to every and all pathways for growth, whether professionally, socially, or individually.
“As long as we are human, one thing is for certain, life will be dual. Don’t look down or disregard those difficult moments, rather listen to them, they are trying to teach you something. Don’t get lost in the darkness of those moments, that is their design by nature, not yours. Rather be more aware of them and your surroundings, and use them to lead you to what they are trying to teach you. They may be downers by nature, but they are just as valid as the happier times. Very soon, before you know it, you will come out of the other end stronger, and clearer” - Healloveandgrow.com
Antoinette Njombua-Fombad, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Antoinette Njombua-Fombad is a Connection and Awareness solution-driven coach, helping individuals and groups understand the value of emotions as purposeful and vital to enhancing our perception for individual and collective growth.
She is the founder of Within Life Coaching Services, a writer, storyteller, and motivational speaker working to inspire and empower individuals and groups towards a better understanding of self for improvement in areas of awareness, mindset shifting, negotiation, Identity, presentation, and confidence, using a healing-loving-and-growing approach.
She is a healer who believes personal growth is crucial to all other relationships and transactional growth. Her healing and coaching journey includes a combined background in caring for individuals as a Registered Nurse and Case Manager for the past eleven years.
Her practice and writings are centered around the conviction that we are gifted beyond recognition with individual capabilities often suppressed by our fear of emotions, which continue to deprive us of the lessons needed to elevate ourselves and our relationships. As our humanity necessitates endless opportunities for healing and loving environments to facilitate self-improvement in the process of our evolution, we need to keep looking within ourselves for a pathway to growing and becoming.
