Founder. Coach. Misfit. Dawn is a coach, counselor, and speaker who supports individuals through life's major transition points. She offers a quick, solutions-based approach for couples in crisis, professionals navigating major career shifts, and executives ready to make a real impact.
For those of us with ADHD, we experience time in a way that’s paradoxical, sometimes flying by in a blur, and at other times, seconds pass like days. It's a dynamic that doesn’t just influence how we manage our day-to-day lives; it deeply impacts how we experience the world.
I’ve spent over a decade helping others understand and navigate this unique experience. When I first started learning about ADHD, I didn't understand why my life seemed so chaotic. I was bouncing from city to city, project to project, my mind constantly firing on all cylinders. Creativity, enthusiasm, and energy were never in short supply, but neither were anxiety, confusion, and inefficiency.
It wasn’t until I dove deeper into understanding ADHD that I began to regulate my neurodiverse system. Armed with insights into ADHD’s challenges and capabilities, I founded Whole Life Solutions, a coaching company that supports high-performing professionals in navigating chaos and change. Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of working with clients such as Vistage, ORACLE, UCLA, USC, and UNICEF, helping them manage time, mental health, and transitions in ways that honor their unique experiences.
The ADHD experience of time: Sped up, slowed down, and warped
You’ve likely heard the common stereotypes about us ADHDers.
We procrastinate,
are messy and disorganized,
get distracted,
interrupt you,
and are perpetually running late
Well, yeah, those things are often true.
However, the real issue lies deeper in how we experience time. Time can feel like it's slipping through our fingers at breakneck speed or like it’s stuck in a never-ending loop. Minutes can drag on like hours, while hours pass in what feels like seconds.
This is not just about being disorganized or late. This isn’t about laziness or lack of effort (though it can often present that way). It’s a neurological difference- It’s about how our brains process time differently. Research has increasingly confirmed that ADHD affects not only how we track time but also how we experience its passage. Time doesn’t just slip through our fingers; we experience it differently. Understanding this difference is crucial not only for us but also for those who interact with us.
Boredom is our kryptonite
For those of us with ADHD, boredom is excruciating.. A moment of stillness is often unbearable, almost like a physical sensation of discomfort. We can’t stand the gap of free time, and to fill it, we rush into actions, sometimes impulsively, often with poor consequences.
This is especially true in conversations. Any pause in dialogue feels like a void we need to fill, and we may interrupt, overshare, or speak too quickly. It’s not rudeness; it’s just how our minds process information at lightning speed. And that speed? It makes silence feel like a pressure cooker about to explode.
Time blindness: It’s real, and it’s hardwired
Studies have shown that ADHDers struggle with time blindness, an inability to accurately track and perceive time. This isn’t about disorganization; it’s a biological difference. It’s a core symptom of ADHD that affects both how we manage time and how we feel its passage.
Recent research confirms this altered experience of time. It’s not just a minor inconvenience; it’s hardwired into our brains. So, the next time you notice someone with ADHD running late or missing a deadline, understand that it’s not a lack of effort or discipline. It’s an experience of time that doesn’t sync with the neurotypical world.
The pros of ADHD: A creative superpower
Despite the challenges, ADHD also offers incredible strengths. When we’re engaged, ADHDers become creative problem-solvers. Our minds connect dots that others may overlook. “Attention Deficit” is a misnomer; it’s really an “Attention Surplus,” and the challenge is directing that attention effectively. When we’re fully engaged in something we care about, our focus is sharp, and our creativity soars.
But there’s a catch. If we’re not engaged, the struggle begins. Without interest or passion, everything can feel like a chore. Our attention shifts rapidly, and time itself feels like it’s moving in fits and starts.
The cons of ADHD: Intensity, mess, and emotional rollercoasters
On the flip side, ADHD can lead to intense emotions, physical clumsiness, and messiness. Time feels either stretched or compressed, never just “normal.” And while we can be quick thinkers, we’re often prone to impulsive actions, which leads to accidents or disorganization.
We also feel things deeply and intensely. Whether it’s joy or frustration, the emotional extremes of ADHD can strain relationships. We experience emotions at a higher frequency, and that can lead to emotional rollercoasters that are exhausting for us and those around us.
ADHD in relationships: Misreading social cues
ADHD also profoundly impacts our relationships. We’re often perceived as interrupting, oversharing, or misunderstanding social cues. Why? Because we process information differently. Our brains move fast, and sometimes we rush to fill in gaps before others have had the chance to speak.
Interruptions? They happen because we’re excited, not because we don’t care. But when we’re interrupted, it’s hard to get back on track, and we can become frustrated, leading to a vicious cycle of miscommunication.
The most challenging part? ADHDers often feel misunderstood. We want connection, but sometimes our behaviors push people away. A pause in conversation might feel like an eternity, triggering anxiety or fear that others are upset with us, even when that’s not the case. This “Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria” (RSD) can make even the smallest hint of rejection feel unbearable.
Feeling misunderstood: The loneliness of ADHD
Living with ADHD can be isolating. We may feel out of sync with the world and disconnected from others. And, despite ADHDers often presenting as the most dynamic, creative, and exciting people in our lives, those of us with ADHD often experience much lower levels of happiness than our peers.
Now what? Practical tips for ADHDers and neurotypicals
Understanding ADHD’s impact on time is only part of the solution. Both ADHDers and non-ADHDers can take steps to better navigate this world of warped time:
For ADHDers
Create time blocks to focus without distractions. Give yourself structure, even for very small windows of time- today, maybe you shut off all screens for 5 minutes and knock out one challenging thing.
Communicate your needs and let others know if you need space or time to process.
Resist the urge to fill every silence; let conversations breathe.
Be open about how your brain processes time differently.
For non-ADHD partners
Gently point out interruptions without judgment.
Be direct about your needs; don’t assume we can read between the lines.
Set clear expectations for time and commitments.
Celebrating the differences
At the end of the day, it’s important to celebrate the differences ADHD brings to the table. It’s not just about the struggles; it’s about a unique perspective that fosters creativity, innovation, and dynamic problem-solving. By embracing our differences, we can create more understanding, forge deeper connections, and build relationships that thrive on diversity. In recognizing how ADHD affects our perception and experience of time, both ADHDers and non-ADHDers can start communicating better, connecting more deeply, and, ultimately, building stronger relationships.
Dawn Smith is the founder of Whole Life Solutions and Relationship Coach Dawn. She has spent over a decade studying the neuroscience of habits, patterns, and change, why we so often stick with situations and constructs that are no longer working for us, and how to navigate mental and physical transitions in chaotic times effectively in just minutes a day, and has served as a speaker and contributor with clients including UCLA, VISTAGE, ORACLE, Intrepid Health, Creative Mornings, and UNICEF. She is a contributor to the world-renowned The Gottman Institute’s Blog, and you can check out her 2024 TEDx Talk on Why ‘You Should Never go to Bed Angry’ is a Myth here. She uses her perpetually running ADHD processing motor to balance coaching, single mom-ing to two awesomers, amateur baking, and creating multi-media paintings. If you’re curious to learn more about your neurodiverse processing system or your partner’s or how coaching can help rewire patterns that are no longer working, let’s chat.
Dawn Smith, Relationship Coach
Dawn is a relationship coach for couples in crisis, a career transition coach, and an executive coach for philanthropic and other purpose-driven leaders ready to get out of overwhelm and make high-level change. She writes and speaks on dismantling "best practice" myths about ideal relationships and careers, and on achieving monumental transitions in minutes a day. Her speaking clients include VISTAGE, Intrepid Health, Team Rubicon, the National Association of Catering Executives, WeddingWire, UCLA, USC, Creative Mornings, and UNICEF. She wakes up every day grateful to do what she loves.
