Written by Maria G. Alcaraz, CEO & Founder
Maria G. Alcaraz is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with experience working in various settings and populations, including working with foster youth, young children, transitional aged youth, and adults struggling with life difficulties which can include and not limited to concerns with stress, anxiety, depression, relationship issues, family problems, and trauma etc.
What is the use of a relationship in which there is no trust? It's the basis or the precursor to any form of meaningful interaction. Giving your heart and your life to another person without trust is impossible. You will have to be watchful, guarded, and never fully yourself to avoid disappointments from others. You act aloof with others. You fear that allowing your partner to get closer might hurt you, and you are constantly harboring suspicions that the other person is never up to anything good. But if you're having difficulty trusting others right now, you're not alone. Many people share that sentiment.
A recent Pew Research Center poll shows that a whopping 8 out of every 10 Americans agree that our confidence in one another has significantly declined over the past two decades. Trust issues are the critical factor here, too. But this doesn’t mean your relationship can’t be saved from this mistrust.
Here’s what you can do to handle this challenge in your relationship
Avoid over-monitoring their activities
Allow them their own space. If you are the kind that asks a lot of questions or looks through your partner's private items while they are out, try to limit such habits. Yes, that may seem dreadful, but remember, it demonstrates your willingness to trust your significant other and respect their privacy.
Accept trust before drawing rash conclusions. Begin by granting your spouse the benefit of the doubt and see the helpful effect this trust can have on your relationship.
Cultivate an environment that lets them know you're choosing to put your faith in them rather than being too skeptical.
Remember that spying on your partner often results from preexisting suspicion, which can impair judgment and cause you to misinterpret information.
Cultivate a culture of mutual accountability
The one thing that all healthy relationships have in common is that trust is reciprocated. The trust between you needs to be actively fostered and guarded by both of you. This is where creating a culture of reciprocal accountability is essential.
According to a study published in The Journal of Positive Psychology, higher levels of relational accountability are often correlated with favorable outcomes. With a high degree of responsibility, you will typically have a solid relational connection, demonstrate responsible behavior, and exhibit various beneficial characteristics, such as forgiveness and thankfulness. Furthermore, you are more likely to have significantly effective relationship repair, a more profound feeling of life's meaning, and general well-being.
On the other side, if you have a low degree of accountability, the research shows that you are more likely to encounter a variety of mental challenges in your relationship, including the development of common mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, and personality disorder.
To develop mutual accountability and trust, start by defining clear, reasonable boundaries. Invite your spouse to an open discussion about trust and establish what is acceptable and unacceptable. Make it plain to them that you will keep each other accountable for respecting the boundaries you establish.
Foster self-reflection, vulnerability, and growth
Self-reflection and vulnerability, two essential components of true intimacy, enable more profound sentiments of love to emerge between people in personal connections. Several studies have found that when you disclose your vulnerability, your significant other is more inclined to reciprocate and strive toward strengthening relationships and fostering mutual understanding. Furthermore, relationships in which people involved demonstrate true vulnerability, such as meaningful apologies, result in higher levels of forgiveness.
However, be aware that embracing vulnerability and self-reflection demands that you uncover your genuine self, which may result in rejection and mistaken self-blame. It might be really helpful to dive into some simple exercises designed to boost self-reflection and encourage openness between you and your partner. Start by creating a calm, cozy environment where both of you feel safe and relaxed. Your goal should be to create the right conditions where you can share your thoughts and feelings without any fear of judgment. Once you’ve got that foundation, try to gradually introduce deeper conversations. When you feel the moment is right, you can start talking about things such as past fears, insecurities, or unmet needs. This way, you’re both setting the stage for more meaningful and honest communication.
Create an environment in which your spouse will continue to listen to you as you highlight the underlying causes of your trust difficulties. However, when you feel overwhelmed, solicit a helping hand-seek expert help if necessary. Don't pass up the opportunity to recommend qualified, professional individual, family, or couples’ therapists as a constructive way to address past or childhood traumas, create healthy coping techniques, and promote personal growth. Provide constant support and encouragement as you both start on this road of self-discovery and healing.
Communicate openly
Never disregard the underlying source of distrust. Discuss the matter immediately and openly. It is always uncomfortable and hurtful, but discussing the mistrust with your partner is an essential step toward regaining trust, especially after betrayal. Plan to have time to tell them honestly:
Your feelings about the situation
The impact the breach of trust has had on you
What you require from them to begin restoring trust
Allow them to speak freely when discussing trust-related topics, and pay attention to how sincere their comments are. Take special note of the way they talk as well as the things they say. Do they seem honest in their regret and apology, or are they placing the blame on you since you were left feeling distrustful following the betrayal? Check to see whether they are being defensive or accepting responsibility for their part in the distrust. By doing so, you can determine whether they are genuinely interested in mending the relationship and make sure that your attempts to rebuild trust won't be in vain.
Embrace the willingness to take risks
When you learn to take emotional risks, you build a stronger sense of openness and security. As you accept risk, you become more willing to talk openly and honestly and become aware that doubt is a normal aspect of being in a relationship with someone. Over time, this can aid in fostering trust.
Sometimes, you have to accept the possibility that the other person isn't conducting themselves in the way you believe them to be. Admit your mistakes, share your desires, and voice your darkest fears—all require risk-taking. It creates a safer atmosphere where you both feel respected and understood and show dependability and commitment. Acknowledge that trust sometimes calls for stepping out of your comfort zone and being open to working together to overcome insecurities and build a more resilient and trusting union.
Is mistrust destroying the foundation of your relationship? Put these suggestions into practice and see the results! If you’d like to learn more about how to improve your relationships, Unity Therapy Services is here to help. Please visit our website for more information at unity therapyservices.net
Read more from Maria G. Alcaraz
Maria G. Alcaraz, CEO & Founder
She is the CEO & Founder of Unity Therapy Services, Inc. a mental health practice located in California. Her goal is to help her clients to move towards a hopeful balanced future and regain a sense of normalcy.
