Written by: Yuliya Sakai, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
A while ago I noticed that I constantly think something is wrong with me. Otherwise, why would I consume so much self-help content? I wouldn't. All the videos I watch are about learning how to be more or how to be different. I can never be satisfied with who I am. It's weird.
Being imperfect, proving ourselves, spiritual pride and insecurities
If you are anything like me, self-development probably makes you feel good and occupies quite a lot of your time.
You can spend 3 hours watching a neuroscientist talk about how we can change our old habits, read 15 almost identical articles on how to do something, and buy 3 self-help books to understand yourself better.
The urge to absorb all this material is real – as it is interesting and makes you feel like you have accomplished something, but I started to think that there might be an element of addiction there.
Especially, if you are in the spiritual field.
There are all these concepts and labels that we get attached to like "lightworker", “ego-death”, "alchemist", "student of life"...
It's as if we found something that makes us feel special and now we want everyone to know it. As if it sets us apart.
Imagine getting a dopamine hit every time someone validates you as spiritually evolved. Or when you feel like you learned a new important concept or theory.
That’s a way to get addicted.
Where is the end to this constant learning and spiritually evolving though?
What if all we are doing is fixing something that doesn’t need to be fixed?
All of us who are running on our egos and trying hard to prove that we don't have egos…What are we doing?
We don't need to prove anything. We don't need to know everything.
Who cares if we can follow a conversation with a spiritual master and be on their level? Who cares if we have an ego?
Why are we so afraid of criticism? Maybe we can just be.
Who cares if no one knows how smart or how aware we are? Who cares if someone wouldn't recognise us as spiritual enough?
I notice so much insecurity and desire to keep up with those who appear to know more or be happier.
Isn't the whole point of spirituality accepting who you are and where you are without comparing yourself to other people?
This aversion to being imperfect is the exact reason why we get stuck in self improvement for years and years. We are compulsively trying to change and not be who we are instead of enjoying life.
We are all accomplices in this chaos. Think about it.
All the hours of learning how to do something that you are not doing. All the hours of consuming advice that you are not following.
All the hours of missing out on going outside to interact with the real world.
Someone made money. Someone ran an ad on you. Good for them.
But for you, what's the point?
Unless you are actually implementing the knowledge you are acquiring, it’s insane to consume so much content.
Simply knowing something doesn’t change your life in a tangible way. You are losing time and mental space to actually live.
Maybe it's time to relax.
Self improvement addiction cost
It can stop you from getting into a relationship – because you think you have to be perfectly healed
It can stop you from creating something – because you think you have to know all the details and factors to make it perfect
It can stop you from putting yourself out there – because you think you are supposed to have a flawless strategy and plan so you never find yourself surprised and out of control
The ability to feel good doesn't come from watching a video on how to feel good. It comes from turning off your phone, going outside and doing something.
The ability to be a good partner doesn't come from watching videos on how to have a perfect relationship, it comes from getting yourself into a real relationship, being hit by reality and having to handle it.
In order to not get stuck in this learning and fixing mindset, I have started to reassure myself that what's important is not to have a perfect thing from the start, but to consistently keep going and updating on the go.
I no longer spend ages being afraid to mess up and overthinking everything.
Moving away from improving and into living
There are people who don't think so much about self development and they are happy. By the industry's standard, they might be categorized as "unhealed" or "unawake".
But they are happy. They are genuinely content with who they are.
Maybe they wouldn’t understand spiritual jargon, but they seem to understand more fundamental things we don't, such as following their joy and doing what resonates instinctively.
They have jobs, they spend time with their families, they are true to what they enjoy and their daily habits. There’s no constant focus on “healing” or “growth”.
These people, I believe, are much more developed and enlightened. They live.
Instead of learning how to live.
Thankfully, I too, am hitting a point where I am recognising that self-help is a distraction from my joy.
I don't want to think so much anymore, I just want to be myself and do what I like. I want to sort of exist – in a flowing, good way.
P.S. Here is my plan for this year 2024
Create more than I consume
Do more than I analyze
Live more than I prepare or dream
Quantity over quality
What’s yours ?
Subscribe to my YouTube Channel and visit my website for more info!
Yuliya Sakai, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Yuliya Sakai is an empathic and spiritual coach trained in Rapid Transformational Therapy and Hypnotherapy. She works with people's subconscious minds to untagle their mental blocks so that they can create a better reality for themselves. After experiencing a spiritual awakening in 2020, she has been on a journey of healing, integrating karmic lessons and remembering her power. Now, she focuses on learning more about human mind and consciousness as well as having her one on one therapy practice on the side.
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