Written by: Patrick Batson, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Here’s an uncomfortable question nobody wants to be asked: Who are you choosing not to forgive? Your parents? The lover who “dumped” you? The boss who “screwed” your career? The driver who almost ran you off the road? The other candidate? Everybody who voted for the other candidate? Yourself?
We humans appear to be hard-wired with a strong tendency to hold grudges. Despite our many advances that suggest we’re smarter and wiser than previous generations, we still cling to programs that say, “They hurt me, they need to change (or pay), and it’s my obligation to show them.” We seek to validate ourselves by pushing against that which we say we are not, but then we act surprised when someone pushes against us. Strange, isn’t it?
There is so much evidence for forgiveness
The whole thing becomes even funnier when you consider that the most admired spiritual and religious figures throughout history repeatedly taught us the power and importance of forgiveness. “Turn the other cheek,” they told us, and “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.”
In modern times, prominent healthcare organizations talk about the positive impact of forgiveness on our health. The Mayo Clinic lists lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, and improved heart health among the physical benefits. Psychology Today says forgiveness improves mental and emotional health while building our capacity for compassion. And academics like Frederic Luskin who study forgiveness in-depth teach that when we choose not to forgive, we add to our suffering.
Why, then, do we find forgiveness so difficult? Why are we taught that there are multiple stages and steps to follow to achieve it? Why is it presented as a journey rather than a simple choice in the moment? I suggest it is because we observe and agree with that human tendency to hold grudges without questioning whether something else is possible. We assume it’s just how humans are. But what if we’re wrong about that? What if choosing to forgive is as easy as choosing what to eat or wear each day?
Forgiveness can be easy
Think about how easily humans embrace technology that makes life easier. We used to wash clothes in a river over rocks. Then came the washboard and tub. And then the automatic washing machine and modern detergents. Or consider the progression in farming from sticks to hand tools to mechanized equipment. It seems we’re all for new ways of doing things that achieve a better result with less time and effort, but only when it comes to external technologies. When it comes to our internal thoughts and emotions, we believe that struggle is necessary. There’s no equivalent of a washing machine or robotic harvester when we’re trying to get past hurt feelings, right? Or is there?
What if choosing to forgive someone—including ourselves—is always possible at the exact moment the “infraction” occurs? What if the enlightened teachers of our religious and spiritual traditions knew something we don't yet know about our capacity to forgive—as though there is an advanced technology within us just waiting to be unlocked by our attention and intent? And what if the only thing keeping us from discovering it is our lack of belief in our magnificence—a magnificence that the masters know is there?
Instant forgiveness is possible
I speak from personal experience when I say that the capacity to choose forgiveness in the moment does exist within us. We don’t need to carry anything forward past the moment in which it happened. All that’s required is:
Desire and commitment to place personal joy above all else.
Belief that all of our life experiences are our own creations, and they are happening for us rather than to us.
Trust that we are magnificent beings with far greater abilities than our modern societies would lead us to believe.
Does that sound difficult? Maybe at first glance. But notice that each one of these things is also just a choice.
We are always at choice
We are at choice every single moment of our lives. We can choose to surrender the belief that other people need to behave a certain way for us to be happy. We can choose to believe that we are never a victim. And we can choose to embrace the idea that we are much more powerful beings than we were taught.
When we make these conscious choices, we claim our sovereignty. In doing so, we become unstuck from negative patterns that hold us back. We experience life as more joyful and positive, with more hope for the future and much less concern about the past. And thus, we pave the way for more joyful life experiences to show up. Like a compressed spring that expands in a burst of energy when released, we can expand our lives in many positive ways when we release the pent-up tension accumulated through our grudges and need to be “right”. Some will say it’s easier said than done, but that’s what I’m encouraging you to question.
So then, who are you choosing not to forgive? And what do you choose instead?
Patrick Batson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Patrick assists people on their journey of awakening to higher consciousness. Drawing upon decades of study and practice of Spiritual wisdom, as well as executive-level management and modern family life, Patrick serves as a guide for bridging the physical and Spiritual worlds. He has authored two books and publishes a monthly blog of channeled content on topics common to the human experience, as observed from the perspective of the Higher Self. Through his healing practice, Patrick helps clients connect with their Higher Mind. By bringing unconscious, limiting beliefs into alignment with the Higher Mind's vision of wholeness and abundance, clients are able to amplify and accelerate positive life changes.
